Hi, im new to this. I’ve been reading lots of posts and actually it has been a real comfort to know that I am not the only one going through this experience.
My story; I’ve recently found out my partner of over 12 years and father to my 2 children has been gambling. He did not tell me, I found out. I do not know if he would have ever told me. Things has not been good for a few years. I’ve felt lonely in our relationship, unloved, and he has not been interested in me or the home. We decided to separate before I found out about the gambling, mainly due to arguments around  his drinking which have been an Issue. Now the gambling and the financial situation it has left us in. We are having to sell the house to pay debts. The one thing which has hurt me the most is that although he has said ‘I’m sorry’ , he has also told me that he is not upset to lose me, and that he doesn’t want me. That has cut me to the core. After everything he is so cold and shows no emotion or remorse. This is what I am really struggling with.Â
Dear @sunshine40 ,Â
Thank you for sharing your story on the Forum. I am sorry to read that you have been through this relationship breakdown.Â
We do offer support and advice to those affected by gambling, as well as gamblers themselves, so please feel free to get in touch with our team where you can talk to an adviser. 0808 802 0133 is the free number to call or you could go to the live chat with an adviser.Â
With kind regards
Keely.Â
Forum AdminÂ
Hello Sunshine
That coldness must be hard to take. It will probably be that the addiction has consumed his energy and time, leaving too little for you.Â
If he gets free of the addiction, I shouldn't wonder that he will realise how hurtful his behaviour has been.
In the meantime splitting from a gambling addict is probably for the best for you and the children.
I hope you cope OK and have a good support network through these difficult times.
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Hi sunshine my husband had an episode like that. I think it’s part of the addiction, part of them covering up what they’ve done, part of their self loathing and self hatred.
In my experience I did everything not to sell the house. My fear was once he got his hands on that money there would be no end to the chaos he would/could cause.Â
look into ‘tenants in common’, that protects your share of the property. These are not your debts, so you should safe guard the equity that is yours.Â
stepchange are a great charity to help with debts, all confidential.
look into gamanon too, they are f&f of gambler.
As partners of gamblers we have to safeguard ourselves emotionally and financially. The best help is to get help for yourself. No bailouts, no financial help to the gambler. All debts come last after living expenses. That’s why it’s important to find out all your options first from somewhere like stepchange.
My husband gambled for 30 years. It has definitely affected his mental health. This is very isolating for you so I think you should find all the free help you can get, to help you through this.
call gamcare, look at gamanon, call stepchange, do some research on safeguarding your finances.Â
Thankyou for your reply.Â
It hurts so much. I know that it is for the best, as there have been other issues, we had already decided to separate before I even know about the gambling. He just does not seem bothered at all. That’s what has hit me hardest. It could be his way of dealing with things, but to me I honestly believe the gambling has changed him. He actually told me that it’s time for him to be free (I think he meant free from me...)Â
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