Hi
Im not quite sure how I got here but I know that support from other people dealing with this awful addiction might help
I am not a CG but more partner is, I have been reading some your of stories and its heartbreaking and what ive come to realise is that unless the person themselves gets help then it seems pretty hopeless and I cannot do anything. Ive never had to deal with any sort of addiction before and I'm way out of my depth here. Its kills me to see him in the state he gets into. I just want to make it go away for him.
Although my partner told me early into the relationship, he hadn't gambled (that I know of) for quite a few months and he seemed happy and content. Then something went wrong, I don't know what but he has started gambling again and it changes him. Its horrible to watch as he is a sweet, loving, caring person but when he gambles that all goes and noting else matters. I feel like because he told me he has given himself a way of right to do it whenever he wants and if he's honest about it to me then its ok.
I am trying my hardest to be supportive but he won't get professional help.. I know this is not just going to go away and I understand that he can't just stop but I wish he would get the help so that when he gets into a state and cant concentrate on anything apart from putting a bet on, then he would learn how to manage these feelings..... to sort of distract him from wanting to do it, if that makes sense.
I am not a person who distrusts or is suspicious but an event happened which opened my eyes and now all I can think about is 'Is he Gambling?' and I hate that. I don't want this to take over our relationship. Its like there are three people in this relationship and I am fighting a battle with the addiction and the sad thing is I know that I will lose and its breaks my heart to know that. I know that no one is perfect and this is his 'flaw' but I hate it and want it to go away.
He says that he will stop but I want him to get help because if he could just stop he would have done it by now!. I know that getting help wont make him stop overnight but it will help him along the journey to do so and help his head
What I wanted to ask is this......His parents know about this as he has been doing it since he was a teenager. Do you think that I should talk to his mum about this as I thought she could help support me or do you think he would upset if he found out i'd done that?
Thank you for reading x
Hello Poon10,
Well done for joining the forum and introducing yourself here in the new members section. I see that you've also posted in the debates section. I'd encourage you to also look at the 'Family and friends' section.
You've mentioned on another thread that you have anxiety and you are considering getting more help with that. It is good that you are aware of how your situation is impacting on your mood and that you are open to using professional support as well as peer support. You ask whether you should talk with your partner's mum in case she can provide you with support, or whether your partner would find that upsetting. It is good that you are considering various sources of support for you, recognising your needs and thinking about your potential support network. It sounds like you are considering your needs, your partner's recovery and your partner's feelings, and trying to move forward in a constructive way. Some of our forum users do choose to have a family conversation about their situation, so everyone is on the same page and shares a similar understanding of the situation, in particular to agree boundaries that could create a context that is supportive of recovery, for example arranging finances in a way that reduces their availability for gambling.
Please do feel welcome to call an adviser on our freephone 0808 8020 133 if you'd like to talk about your concerns, or if you'd like to find out more about our free counselling appointment services.
Take care,
Forum Admin.
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