Hi

Hi @vaqu269k8i

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story and experience in this platform. It sounds like you’re really struggling at the moment but please know that you are not alone and there is a lot of advice, and more importantly support, available to you.

Please do not be too hard on yourself by thinking you are a coward and loser.

I would encourage you to contact the helpline on 0808 8020 133 or via our live chat available from the website https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/ both of which are open seven days a week, 24 hours a day and where one of our advisers will be able to talk, for as long as you need, and look at all the support available to you.

Wishing you the very best

Forum Admin

@forum-admin Thanks. In moments of clarity I know all is not lost. I am just finding it very difficult to admit to my wife what I have done again. I don't want to face the hurt and anger I have caused. She is being so nice to me the last 2 days it has made it even more difficult. I have a counselling session booked for Monday and have GamBan on my devices. 

@vaqu269k8i 

Well done! You have taken that first huge step. 
Keep telling yourself. You are a good person. You just made some s***t decisions.

Everyone of us here, has our own reasons for gambling. Some like me don’t know what they are yet.

This is our new beginning. Learning why we do it. So we can stop. Stop feeling the shame and guilt.Stop the continuous chatter in my brain. The permanent lump in my chest. The fight or flight instinct is very strong for me at the moment. I feel like running away. What will that solve. Nothing.
I just had a conversation with a friend that popped in to make sure I am safe. She made sense. I haven’t broken any laws. No one is coming to get me. This is guilt, but is it guilt because I was found out before I could explain. Or guilt because I know I am in the wrong? Or do I just feel sorry for myself because I’ve been outed!

We both gave a long journey ahead of us. One that I am ready to make. Or am I. Only time will tell.

Take Care 

hi heres some tips i've learnt on here

Number 1:

GET BLOCKS IN PLACE

Gamstop for online

Moses for local bookies

And Sense for uk casinos

It’s essential to do them all (you may say i only ever gamble online, or i only ever gamble in bookies) but down the line when you want to scratch that gambling itch or are impulsive like myself, Online, bookies and casinos become tempting.

Number 2:

When you get paid, pay all bills then transfer rest to a loved one for safe keeping.  Then it’s not in ur account waiting for the moment ur tempted by gambling its safe and sound and if you do really need it it’s there (either that or start to pay off highest interest debt each month (this will help massively), 

I transfer my money to my dad and have saved a lot over the years.

I top up my sainsburys card each month when i get paid for food shopping.

Number 3:

Limit the damage you can do with one visit to town:

The number of times in the past i’ve visited a cash machine for the bookies until i can’t get any more cash out!!!! Let’s save that!!!!

 U can limit cash withdrawals (just ask your bank)

You can not take your cards out (more difficult)

You can just take cash then all you can lose is that cash.

There is two step verification that your partner or parents can authorise your payments. (i’ve heard this is great)

Number 4:

With this new life away from gambling you will no doubt try to life a new healthy lifestyle (one step at a time) i found that drinking was clouding my judgement and making me gamble, smoking was inhibiting my breathing, drugs id also done in the past caused my mental well being to go down and these all led my weight, stress levels and ability to do well at work to diminish.  It took a breakdown in 2018 for me to realise all these habits needed to stop so i stopped one at a time to give me a better chance, smoking 2016, drinking 2018, gambling 2019….. 

MAKE 2023 UR YEAR FOR A FRESH LIFESTYLE< KEEP ME POSTED ADAM…….

Hi

The wording coward and a loser.

Very powerful and honest.

Being consumed by my addictiosn and obsessions indicted that I could nto cope emotionally with life people and situations.

The truth is that I was not evil bad wrong or even a coward, I was how ever emotionally vulnerable.

Because I was not able to heal my pains in my life and reduce my fears I lived in fear of being honest.

Thinking I was wrong bad evil or even a coward I was being hard on m self.

I was in effect beating my self up.

Was I a coward, no but I did live in huge fears that were due to the pains in my life.

Was I a weak person, not at all I had survived physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, I had been abandoned emotionally and also physically.

By coming though so much torture and emotional trauma I got to understand that I was a survivor.

I had been cut with a knife, I had been cut with a broken bottle, I have in my life been ht and run twice.

The truth is that if I can survive at that pain and suffering and find a healthy life any one can.

The truth is that if I can if being a non religious person I could not only abstain from one unhealthy habit I could abstain from nearly all unhealthy habits.

I am clean from Gambling over thirty years, I have have been clean from smoking over 30 years.

I have have been clean from drinking tea nd coffee over 25 years.

I left school with no quaifiactions what so ever at 15 years of age.

I have done technical drawing, I have gone to college to learn electronics, I have understood that if another person can achieve any thing in their life so can I.

In the first ten years of marriage I could not stop gambling, I could not stop lying, I could not respect or love myself.

Being in recovery since 1969 I have done so much in my life.

The simple truth was I could not do it on m own.

I could not find a healthier life with out recovery.

If I did not take recovery seriously it was very likely I would be living on the streets with out a family or a home today.

The choice is mine today to not gamble or go back to causing myself pains once again. 

Dave L

Thank you. Your words are an inspiration