Hi All!
For those that take the time to read this thanks!
I've been betting for a good 10 years now, 8 of them have not been a problem. Going to the bookies on the way to footy every Saturday placing a £5 accumulator and seeing the results come in after playing, hoping for a winner. All good fun at the time. Only for the last couple of years I found it easier to place bets online! As this became easier obviously the more bets I could place, sometimes I had winners which gave me a great buzz! but from these winners it got me hooked to chase more wins. It seems so easy to bet these days. For the past 2 years I'd say I'd bet every other day averaging at about £40 per week, mostly on horses. sometimes I'd win which meant I'd be up in profit for the next couple of weeks but still I carried on betting waiting for that big win. Recently I'd come into some money so I thought 1 day I'll use £100 to see what I could win. That £100 was gone in a space of 5 mins, so I chased that £100 straight after only to be a further £600 down an hour later. It was complete stupidity of me! I panicked and got £1000 loan out within hours of losing that money earlier. Thankfully I didn't bet that £1000 like I did with the £700. But after losing like that I said to myself I wouldn't have a bet again!
At this time I was about to get married to my wife, I didn't tell her of the loan. Although I said I wouldn't bet again... I was still doing the odd 20 here and there on horses. Losing mostly, winning sometimes. We got married, after everything settled down from the wedding I thought to myself I will have another £100 bet to win something big...surprise surprise.. I lost..I chased and was £500 down. I felt terrible.. I opened up to my wife about my loan and that I was being stupid betting, we decided to get a joint bank account. It started ok...I decided to have the odd flutter and hopefully she wouldn't see it come out the account. She's not that silly though!! I keep saying I won't do no more but I keep going back to it, especially at weekends when I know I've been paid. But now enough is enough my wife can't put up with me doing this. I know I'm losing her trust in me. I need to stop this before it can get really bad and putting me in serious debt and more importantly losing a wife.
For those that have taken there time in reading this, do you have any advice or any experience to share that can help me stop, I just don't want to say to my wife I'll stop and 1-2weeks down the line go back into a bet, cause we all know that 1 bet is the start.
Thanks
Steve
Hi Steve8R
welcome to the forum.
Its about sitting down again with the people close to you and discussing how gambling makes total fools and wrecks of people.
Its about the fact that honesty is the main weapon to beat this addiction. Admitting you have a problem and are a compulsive gambler is the first step as you are doing here. There is no shame in seeking help from everyone who can
Its about realising that its a deadly serious addiction which has to be trated with fear and respect. Your wife needs to understand that its an addiction which could leave you both in the gutter. Theres no room for half understandings here. Your wife could be the key and its the biggest test your relationship should face
Ideally she should now be controlling your finances and there should be no mention of joint bank accounts The money needs to be well out of your control.. You need help. Its not about treating you like a baby and you will find it a great relief as you recover.
I continue to be direct. taking loans out to fund gambling is extremely dangerous. If you want the road to ruin that is it. All loans must be admitted and discussed. The possibility of loans in your name needs to be shut down.
Next you must hand over your gadgets and put blocks on them. Any urges must be discussed as you seek counselling and phone calls to gamcare. A visit to the doctor is also extremely helpful.
Its about the blocks and support being there so you cant gamble without extreme inconvenience when you would be found out anyway.
Over time when you realise that the money you have is yours for better things, you will begin to see life normally again
Discuss what gambling did to you. Focus on what gambling did to you. The vast majority of people lose and keep losing. Its so serious that if you want to lose your wife and anything you still have , gambling will take that from you.
Keep reading the forum and keep telling people how you are getting on
I wish you all the very best
Hi,
As you're finding out, the addiction gets worse and worse. Better to tackle it, there's a lot you can do to make things change. It's not easy but with effort and commitment it's absolutely doable.
I'm from the other side of the fence, my husband is the CG. I would echo Joydivder's excellent advice on strategy. Perhaps start with a phone call to GamCare, they're good.
We were long term married when I found out - one of the reasons that I stayed is that he did hand over financial control, go to GA, install blockers, self exclude, etc. This reassures me that I'm safe and the barriers make it easier for him to stay clean. My advice is that actions speak louder than words, if she can see you getting support by counselling and/or GA, if she can see you following the advice about keeping the time-money-location triangle broken (take one of these away and you can't gamble); all of that will tell her what words won't.
The problem with loans on the quiet is that you're not telling her what she needs to know, not good in any relationship. For me, it's what he didn't tell me that he should have told me, over a very long time, that's much more hurtful than the financial losses. Don't go there, it becomes harder and harder to tell her and the longer it goes on, the worse it gets. Much better that she knows as soon as possible.
Hope this helps, wish you well,
CW
Thanks for the advice. I will definatly follow up on all this. I made a typing error during that. I meant I told her about the loan after the wedding, hence why we got a joint account so she could see what I was doing. After my latest bet over the weekend and obviously losing...I know it sounds premature...but so far 3 days without thinking of betting! I know it will be tough but at least it's something to build on and with advice to help it makes it feel doable. Plus realising this site exists gives me a lot of hope. I'll keep you all posted.
Thanks
Steve
Hopefully it's the first three days of recovery, not to be underestimated.
BW,
CW
Very helpful abettertomorrow
Well the 1st weekend is here (the prime time to betting) to be honest I don't have the urge to gamble. After this week my wife clearly knows what I have to do to regain trust, I've told my mum about what I've done recently and alerted my 3 closest friends of the problems I'm facing. It does feel like a load of weight off my back and support is there. More importantly I'm showing my wife how much it means to me to stop.
So far this week I've done: applied k9 to both iPad and phone, deleted all betting accounts, changed email address, deleted PayPal, removed all sporting apps, changed iTunes password, gave wife card (not valentines one yet...) and the previous paragraph.
So in theory I can not bet whilst at home. I still need to go to my local bookies and ban myself, but I plan on doing that tomorrow morning. As long as I go there with no money as wife is now in control of that, everything will be fine.
So there is my platform now.
Looking forward to it!
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