Hi there.

Hi folks,

After spending time reading everyone’s threads and witnessing so much support and understanding I thought I would share my story in the hope of it becoming something cathartic.

The relatability within each persons stories has been overwhelming at times, certainly a source of strength.  Well pooled.

For myself, I was very surprised at the speed at which gambling took hold of me.  I had better in the past, but never significant amounts.  A few months ago I began betting again.  What started as just something to pass the time quickly became an obsessive and controlling scene.  I was doing ‘well’ to begin with.  Slowly over a few months I was adding to my savings.  I had been down a hole a few times, but nothing dramatic.  Well, it didn’t take long for myself to very rapidly start throwing money away.  To cut a long story short, I had managed to gamble away most of my savings. Money I had worked hard to save over three years.  I stopped, sickened, before I had gambled it all away. I couldn’t believe how foolish I had been.  I was ashamed and depressed by my behaviour.  Looking back I seemed to not have any control as any right minded, settled and controlled person would not make those decisions.

During these 3 months I blocked myself from time to time, only to come back.  One of my accounts was still open, but I needed to speak to someone on the telephone to reopen it. After an honest conversation with the operator I chose to self exclude (but only for 6 months) with a view of reviewing the situation down the line.

I really hope to extend that to 5 years when the time comes.  From time to time I have visions of winning back the money I have lost, but I know this is just foolish fantasy that will lead to a bigger hole.  

I cannot sign up to anymore betting websites (expired passport etc) and I have been honest with my g/f, who has been supportive. I have also paid over the remaining money to her for her to keep safe and pay over an amount on payday for her to keep safe.

Reading everyone’s stories has certainly helped and there are so many relatable idiosyncrasies interwoven.  It’s amazing to see so much support for one another on the internet.

For myself, the money has left a slightly bitter hole, but that has gotten easier with time.  Looking back I can’t believe how much it had gotten hold of me.  Changing my behaviour, how I interacted with people. It is refreshing to be free from that mindset.  Things do get easier, which is a comfort, but I’ve to remember that I can’t let my guard down as that metamorphosis could easily take shape again.

Anyway, thanks for listening and I hope you are all doing well out there.

J