How can I live with myself with this mess I’m in.

Dear @thermalpuppet

Thank you for contributing to the forum and sharing your experience at the moment. It sounds as if you are in a very difficult place, and we hope that you will feel supported on this platform. 

We also would encourage you to contact the helpline on 0808 8020 133 or via our live chat available from the website https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/ both of which are open seven days a week, 24 hours a day and where one of our advisers will be able to talk, for as long as you need, and look at all the support available to you.

Wishing you all the very best,

Abigail 

Forum Admin

Hi

On arriving in the recovery program I felt I could nto stop gambling.

I use to think that Gambling controlled my life.

In time I understood that my Gambling was a fear based issue that I was living in so much fear I could nto help my self.

In the recovery program I got to understand no matter when my last bet was to keep going to meetings.

In the recovery program I got to understand the most important day is today, if I do not gamble I do not make things much worse.

I was consumed by the gambling that it was the most exciting thing in my life.

I use to think that gambling was the best thing in m life.

The gambling buzz was fear based issues.

My fear based issues were all pain issues.

That every pain in my life caused fears in me that I could reduce or face.

I then got to understand that in the meetings I got to be more honest with my self.

Lost money and time can not be reversed.

I am not able to change the past.

I can not heal other peoples pains.

Yet I can get to heal my pains.

The word recovery means healing.

Yet only by me abstaing from unhealthy habist could I exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Due to lots o pains in my child hood I was nto able to learn or absorb information.

My addictions and obsessions were a form of escape.

My addictions and obsessions indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable. 

Why do people clap people who have gone to meetings after goingback to gambling.

It takes so much strength and courage to be honest and face them selves and the meertings.

So often I did not want to go back to meetings yet it was some thing I needed to do if I wanted to get better.

The simple fact I got to learn if I do nto gamble I do nto make things worse in my life.

Only by me attending meetings on a regular basis did I have a chance of getting better and healthier.

I have not gambled for over 30 years, and it was done one day at a time.

I have stayed with recovery over 52 years, it was the best decision I ever made in my life.

I am commited to being the ehalthiest person I can be today

Love and peace toe very one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

@gadaveuk thank you for your message, I’m just at the beginning of the battle that now faces me, it’s just frustrating that I’m probably going to lose everything in my life that matters to me the most when it all comes out and I’m now just realizing what a fool I have been letting my gambling get to a point of no return and it’s had to come to that for me to finally try and kick this addiction.

finally managed to get the courage to come clean to my wife about all my gambling and debt which stands at £60000 on credit cards which I managed to do by money transfers and a £15000 loan and £15000 of savings all in under 2 years, makes me so ashamed of how I have let gambling completely take over my life and am adamant I’ll beat this, it certainly seems that it’s not going to be easy financially bankruptcy looking at the only solution left available to me and as for my marriage I can only hope, I certainly feel like I don’t deserve to be supported by my wife with all the pain hurt and stress this will inflict on her, hopefully as time passes my feeling of being a complete failure will subside.

It cant get anyone worse you cant change the past live for today, and live will become normal, past will always haunt you but if u want to change it possible