I have made the decision that I must stop doing the same thing over and over. Everytime I get paid I spend the lot on gambling, I've excluded from the bookies, casino and online but I gamble in bingo and AGC and sometimes I win but even then I go back and lose it all... I got paid yesterday and it's all gone and I owe £700 to a friend out of my next pay, that's after chasing and owing out every pay day for the last 12 months.. so yesterday I excluded from AGC I've shredded my ATM cards and credit cards, and will go in the bank in future with my Id and withdraw cash for food. That way at night when banks are closed I can't gamble, my friends know not to lend me money anymore, I've realised I need to stop or I'll have no life. I've found myself telling friends I can't go places with them all because I'm addicted to the buzz of gambling and everything else seems boring. Nothing excites me like sitting at the machines plowing money into them all the while telling myself this is idiotic you've worked all month for this... I may as well go give all my money to charity as I know I'll never get it back again. So today is my first day g/f, I already feel a burden or dirty little secret has been lifted from me, I can now stop the lying and start the livingÂ
Here's to being hopefulÂ
Hi
For me walking in to the meetings first time I was not there for myself.
In time I would understand that my addictions and obsessions just indiciated that I was emotionally vulnerable.
That my addictions and obsessions just indiciated that I was being very unhealthy.
If I was to get all the money back I lost I woudl most certainly go back to gambling for sure.
The money was the fuel for my addiction.
The money represented how much time I took to earn that money which I gave to strangers with out thinking it was an insane thing to do.
Each time I lost all or most of my money I did nto think I was causing my self more pains and more fears.
I often lied for fear of rejection and abandonment.
I often lied to my self and others because I thought that being honest would be just to painful for me and others.
It was only by abstaining from my unhealthy habits and my unhealthy reactions to life people and sitautions I could not cope with.
In time I would understand each of my emotional triggers and stop reacting in such unhealthy ways to anger pains fears frustrations and loneliness and also boredom.
The healthiest and simplest way to take recovery seriously is to simply take one day at a time.
Just for today I will not gamble.
Then in time just for today I will not smoke.
Then in time just for today I will not get drunk.
Then in time just for today I will not get angry.
Then in time just for today I will more aptient and tolerant.
The recovery program was like learning mountain climbing.
Learning mountain climbing you are tied to other people with ropes.
In the recovery program we are tied to each other with our therapies and our sharing.
At the beginning I needed to take things safely and slowly.
When I was vulnerable talk to some one who is like minded in the recovery program.
The recovery program is about healing the hurt inner child in us all.
The recovery program is about learning when we have certain emotional triggers.
The recovery program is about learning to heal our pains and to stop doing things which are unhealthy.
The recovery program is about learning to face and reduce our fears.
The recovery program is about learning to reduce our unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
By us having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations we hurt our self adn cause our self pains.
The recovery program is about learning to be more honest open and learn to ahve healthy intermacy with like minded people.
The recovery program is about learning to write down our healthy needs.
The recovery program is about learning to write down our healthy wants.
The recovery program is about learning to reward our self and be kind to our self.
The recovery program is about learning to respect our self, to love our self, and heal the hurt inner child in us.
When I was emotionally vulnerable I use to say and do some very unhealthy things.
Just for today I will not do or say any thing which will hurt my self or others.
Just for today I will not try to justify very unhealthy habits.
Just for today I will not react in very unhealthy ways.
Just for today I will interact with all people in a very healthy way.
Just for today I will show gratitude and apprecation to every one in my life.
Just for today I will use the telphone list and talk to people.
Just for today I will have healthy intermacy with my family.
If I have to complain I will do so in a very healthy respectful way.
Just for today I will not be an unhealthy person.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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