I feel ashamed and embarrassed

It's day 198 for me and the best bit of advice I can give is something that I read here

"Just for today, i won't gamble"

I've said that to myself for 198 days straight now.

Stay strong and welcome, feel free to use the chat rooms and also browse the forums here and see you are not alone. I felt so lost at the start of my journey so isolated and ashamed but once I started reading other peoples stories here and seeing the similarities it really did help. 

@9fo6zh2br4 thanks so much I really feel I need to say this every day. 198 days is amazing congratulations and I hope I can be as strong as you are. I am also going to go sober from now, I am not a heavy drinker normally once or twice a month but I have noticed being drunk triggers me and makes me lose control. One day at a time and will definitely try the chat room.

Thanks 

Hi Trish,

You are very brave for being open and honest about your situation. As said above above take one day at a time. I read Alan Carr's stop gambling now book as part of my recovery and it really helped me to see my gambling addiction for what it was. It's a tough read at times as the book does talk about gambling addiction very openly and honestly.

The best bit of advice I can give you right now is not to be ashamed and ask for help whoever that may be whether that's the food bank for food, or friends, family or utility companies etc. I would also be looking to speak to all my creditors to discuss a payment plan that spread this months expenses over the next 12 so you are not financially out of pocket. If you ring these companies up and explain your situation they usually understand.

Moving forward I would then register for the free version of gamstop by speaking to someone at gamcare as this software stops you from being able to access those dodgy non gamstop sites. You should also note that these companies operate oversees and there is no legal way of being able to get your winnings, These predatory companies will take your money and make rules up on their own terms it not unheard of that these companies suddenly disappear without a trace.

After installing this software I would then get in contact with my bank and ask them to block gambling transactions but in the early stages of recovery I would advice you ask for a visa electron card.

Things do get better, it takes time but it will. I am 211 days gamble free but on day 0 I had taken out two pay day loans, and I had taken out a new overdraft to fund my gambling however 6 months on I can honestly say I am in a better place. It is only once you promise never ever to gamble a single penny away again does your life start to improve and you will notice positive differences as time goes by. Reading books massively helped me in the early days of my recovery as it's a cheap hobby and it can keep your mind distracted.

Hi there. With you all the way just remember that your quality of life really matters every inch going forward is an achievement and there are great people on here with priceless advice   

Best

@londoneye thanks so much and thanks for the tip on getting back to reading. I have so many books I have not started yet so hopefully it will occupy my mind on better things.

@i7r9twun1f thanks so much, I have been reading the forum a lot today and have taken some good advice already.

Hi Trish welldone for seeking help i am currently on day 173 just for today i will not gamble, i would advise u to be honest if u can let soneone like a close friend or family know about your situation will be extremely helpful, hand over finances to someone trusted seek support from either online chatroom or Ga or both what helps u in your recovery the truth is this addiction is life long their simply no cure available all we can do is work on each day, also i would advise to to take on new hobby or anything that will keep u occupied, this addiction thrives on negatively what helped me was socialising more with friends and spending less time on your own maybe a gym or anything that u can spend time, first couple of weeks is usually hardest after that it does get easier, even if u can is start and online dirary or if you dont feel too comfortable make a note of it and if if u ever have a strong urgue read it back this all helped me and am greatful for all the support i have been offered on here i wish u luck

Trish, I can so relate to your story.  I too am ashamed and embarrassed and have gambled a large lump sum of money away in just a few years.  Slots with me also, mainly arcades and bingo halls.  I have also been drawn in by no gam stop casinos but urge for them stopped when I realised withdrawing was virtually impossible.  Like you, I also had a responsible job which left me comfortable for my early retirement.  No more!  I am now looking to find any work for 2-3 days per week.  I would never be able to earn back the amount wasted in machines but I cannot let this cruel addiction escalate any further.  2024 must be a turning point for me too.

Very best wishes for your journey.

@jeanydog thanks Jean, yes it’s so hard I really need to now look forward! Those non uk casinos are awful, I wouldn’t like to tell you the amount I spent on them.

wishing you the best for 2024

@tazman My son is now taking over my finances for me, we had a good talk yesterday and he has a wise head on his shoulders as well as a good heart. Moving into day 2 I will not gamble today.

thank you

Hi Trish

On walking in to the recovery program I felt so lost so inadequate so insecure guilty ashamed and put down.

The simple fact yes I had suffered many pains in the past and had been made to feel guilty long before my addictions and obsessions.

I was not able to learn or take infomation in because of the painful trauma abuse and neglect I had expereinced.

In time I got to understand that I was not bad evil stupid or dumb.

I got to understand that the recovery program was about healing the hurt inner chidl in me.

Once I understood that I was emotionally vulnerable that I had certain emotional triggers  I could do some thing about it.

The addictions and obsessions were a form of escape.

Trying to escape indciated that I was living in fears that I did not understand. 

My loneliness indicated that I feared emotional intimacy and could not trust other people or my self.

The money was just the fuel for my addictions and escaping.

Living in guilt shame regret indicated that I waas not healing my pains.

I got to understand that my addiction was a formof self abuse and cuasing myself far to many pains and fears.

I had and have today a healthy conscience because of my awareness adn learning I no longer want to hurt my self or other people.

Today I do not need or want to gamble it has nothing to do about money.

Today I do not need or want to gamble because it is self abuse self trauma and I was chucking my hard earned money away and have nothing to show for it but more pains and more fears.

My gambling years was a complete waste of time and money.

In time I went to more and more meeting so I could find out how to live a much healthier life.

I am no where as emotionally vulnerable today.

The very thing I want to do to my self is gamble.

I andmy life is far to valuable today.

In time I got to open up to more deeper honest therapies.

Being an addict was a very sad painful lonely life.

If you really want to heal your hurt inner child, if you really want to live a much healthhier life put more time adn effort in toy our recovery.

Find a very healthy spirtual sponsor if you ae non religious find a spirtual person to work with you.

In time you will understand what emotional triggers you have.

The simple truth if I could get a healthy recovery any one can that includes you.

Love peace adn healing to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham