So this is my first time here hi, wish i wasn't but here I am. Another payday and paid and gone what is wrong with me I haven't left money pay bills food my son, what kind of mother does that make me. Struggling to write through the tears forming because I've really done it now what am I going to do if my partner finds out I've gambled again thats it over him and my son gone and here I am. It all started about 8 years ago I loved a game of bingo but then my mum passed and I just had this empty void and I gambled everything I could didn't pay bills and really screwed my family my partner was furious but we got over it and he sorted out our debt. I stopped I really did for years, then I don't know how it happened but it took a hold of me again and I always just think I can pull it back but now I realise I can't it's suffocating me I can't lose my family and I have nobody to blame but myself. I've excluded myself from the sites I used the few I wasn't already excluded from but I know I'm too late I'm in a real dark place I haven't felt like this since my mum passed and it's scaring me.
Hi Laura,
Well done for posting on this recovery forum, during what sounds like a very challenging time for you.
It sounds like you are feeling anxious after gambling all your money, and that you are also feeling worried about the possible consequences for your son, and your relationship with your partner. It sounds like this is reminding you how you felt during an emotionally difficult time following your bereavement.
Please call our helpline freephone 0808 8020 133 so that we can emotionally support you through this time. We can help you access support for your recovery, and we can talk with you about additional services for your financial difficulties.
If you would like to close those loopholes that could allow further gambling in the future, you might like to consider registering with GamStop and installing software like Gamban.
GamStop (National self-exclusion scheme for online gambling)
0800 138 6518
Take care,
Adam.
Ahhh man u wrote everything am going through why do we do it I don't want a explanation coz I done it but y how do we not I feel ya pain I wanted tell other half after he had a few but couldn't bare letting him down I've done it bad this time no going bk or getting me self out of the hole what do we do x
It was me I done it but y we kno right from wrong but yet do it everyone else suffers if I come clean .....I always find a way it not affecting anyone in family but min we say its like we take food from their mouths we awfull humanns ...yeah thats thier veiwing but never our intensions i would never do that but yeah thats what i do do in everyone elses eyes
Hi Laura
For me the addictions and obsessions just indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.
It is not healthy to beat your self up or call your self names.
Just understand that you are emotionally vulnerable and have certain emotional triggers.
For me I was so filled with pains and fears I did not think that recovery would work for me.
I did not stop gambling from day one in the recovery program.
I often went to maore than 3 meetings per week just to abstain from gambling.
Money was the fuel for my addiction so in time I handed over all our finaces tomy wife.
It made it much easier and simpler for me and over time I was able to trust my self with money.
For me the recovery program was about healing my pains and learning to live a much healthier life.
By going to meetings and having therapies my fears reduced.
For me today living in fears and pain is not healthy for me and my recovery.
It seems like a life time since I walked in to the recovery program.
It was a very good healthy choice for me to do that.
Since taking recovery program seriously I have ecame a much healthier person.
It is important to understand that living in high levels of fear can lead to us going in to panick mode very quickly that is not very healthy.
Healing peace and recovery.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi Laura,
The only way that I’ve found works for me is honesty and Gambler’s anonymous.
You might be worried about what will happen when you tell your partner but keeping secrets will just keep you gambling. You’ll think that maybe you can win your way out of the problem and then you won’t need to tell him, but it never works out, it only makes things worse. He’ll find out eventually because you won’t have any where left to turn to.
You need to look after yourself first and get help that’s available. For me it’s weekly meetings with other people who understand the world I live in and don’t judge what I’ve done.
It’s a big step you should take but only you can do it. Ask yourself, “have I had enough?”
If you have had enough then get help. Obviously there’s other routes for help like gamcare and the gambling clinics but I encourage you to seek out your nearest gambler’s anonymous meeting and tell your partner.
Chris.
@gadaveuk this is brilliant advice and well done on your journey.
I was in the same position I would gamble all my spare cash have to use a food bank towards the end of the month feeling like a complete failure because every payday I’d sit and gamble until I had nothing left worried that if I tell family and friends that I had a real problem but I can say one thing the day came two weeks ago when my anxiety went through the roof and I woke up one day and said todays the day but not not before I wasted my last 59 pounds then thought why did you do that you idiot so took the first the step and put blocks on all gambling sites and then came clean to everyone the relief I felt was great I no longer needed to lie I stopped pushing people away and felt great for once it’s been a long time since I felt I was in control again and excited that now I can change my life for the better being able to talk about it the anxiety had gone sometimes the right decision is the hardest I’m in week 2 I’m not going to lie and say yeah that’s it I now have the journey of discovering why I used gambling to block the things I didn’t want to deal with and it’s been up and down but I’m getting there I wish you well on your journey
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