I've never written on a forum like this before but I find myself at a total loss. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this because I have so much pressure on me at the moment to be perfect and to make sure that I'm looking after everyone and everything and everyone else's life whilst I am falling apart.
I've never had a lot of money. I'm on universal credit. I don't have the income to be gambling, but I found myself drawn to it the idea that I could win something to make my day a little bit brighter.
Started off with scratch cards and then the wins on them weren't really worth paying the money anymore. So I found an online casino game a virtual game where I couldn't win any money and I sunk over £300 and 2 months into the game and thought well if I'm playing for fake money I might as well play for real money.
No one I know had ever gambled online. It wasn't something I knew a lot about but I knew the basics of roulette and I thought I'd give it a go so I put my first 10 pound bet on
And I won xxxx and for the first time, since I can remember I felt a thrill. I fell alive again and before I knew it I fell into a spiral where I would win but in the back of my head it was never enough. I bet more I won more and then eventually I lost more and I always told myself I had one rule. Never ever bet with money that I need for food or rent and within a about three four weeks I was betting my food money and not long after that I lost my entire rent payment in one morning and about in hour and a half I lost 900 pound the day that it was put in my bank. And by some miracle I won it back but I swore to myself i wouldn't touch it ever again and yet not even 6 hours later I was back online gambling the same money losing and winning, losing and winning over and over and over.
Until I found gamban and installed that and it worked for about 2 weeks. I still had cravings almost of gambling, but then I found a way around it by using my son's iPad that didn't have gamban installed.
And after 2 weeks of no gambling I just lost 50 quid. And I've lost a lot more in my life. But I realised that it wasn't fun anymore. I won some bets I put on at one point I'd won it all back and more but it still wasn't enough and I realised I wasn't even gambling to win money. I was gambling to win money to gamble more. I was gambling to gamble.
And so I'm here at 1:00 a.m. on payday £50 down and realising that things are getting a little bit dangerous for me. The idea that one spin could change my life. It's addictive and I don't know if without these apps that I've installed, I'll have the power to stop because I know I don't want to yet, not really. I love it. The thrill of it. But I have responsibilities. I have a child and a family to take care of and the truth is I'm scared. I've never been addicted to anything. I barely drink. I don't do drugs but this this is addictive. Honestly, I think I'm rambling at this point, but if you've read any of this, thank you and maybe who knows I'm not alone..
Well done mate for reaching out, get rid of your son ipad, i know exactly what it doing you are in a vulnerable state does your partner know about your addiction? Only way forward now u need to fight of the urgues, i was in exactly same situation i would say never again only to return to gambling the difference now is coming on here trying diff things out you can sustain a normal life has long as a bet isnt place, your motive should be now is trying different forms of recovery GA a start use the chatrooms on here, before it gets out of hand👍
Welcome, and well done for realising this could be a problem. A big problem. Unfortunately you've already said you love it. You're brain is addicted to the rush of winning. Its a chemical release, and once you get it you want more. Its not about the money when you get like this, its purely about feeding your brain dopamine. You need to break this cycle now, whilst you still can. trust me if you don't you'll be begging for money to feed your family sometime in the future, and then probably gambling that too. Sounds tough, but that's the real world of gambling. I lost my wife, my family, my home because of it. Many others in here have done too. Speak to someone about this. A partner, a family member or friend. You are on a very dangerous tipping point, but you've realised this. Ask for the help now.
I hope you take all the advice you can get and read all the stories on here to find motivation to quit this.
Stay strong
@ir9ydzjtwh. Oval, well done with your post and realising what is happening regarding your gambling.
What you described is a similar experience to many of us. I felt stress through family/work pressures and gambling was a great escape for that... Everything else disappeared when I was gambling, any issue, irritation or stress melted as waited in suspense to see the next blackjack hand or bonus round on the spin.
Then in the cold light of day I would realise the amount I lost and wonder how I was going to make it though to payday.
The wins are worse than the loses if you are a compulsive gambler.
Payday can be a big trigger for those who problem gamble. It was with me. I would pay everything I could and then burn the rest plus the overdraft on slots and games.
You need support to get out of the addiction and replace it with something positive. If you ever need a rant always know there are people here who knows what you are going through.
In addition think about talking to someone close about the issue and don't be hard on yourself. Make sure you are kind and understanding to yourself... Reward yourself for not gambling. You deserve it and it is much cheeper than losing it on gambling.
Keep us posted
Gosh everything you said is what I've gone through. It's crazy what we are doing but the buzz of thinking your gonna have a big win keeps you going. I have now cut myself off from all gambling websites and I actually managed to pay my bills and buy some food shopping with my last wage which is great for me as I lost every wage for about 3 months previously. You know that you will get support on gamcare and like you there are so many of us that don't have anyone to talk to. I dare say my family would disown me if they knew. Please stay strong and get everything off your chest that you need to as we can all relate to it. X
Hi Ovaldoval
I had to laugh while reading your post. Why - because I went exactly the same way but worse. I all started with football bets every now and again as I'm a huge football fan. Then I moved on to slots. From slots I moved on to live casino, evolution games to be specific, now these live games have destroyed enough lives. Like you, I was on universal credit - single mum with 2 kids. At first I thought I would win big and give my kids a better life, I even promised them that we were going to get a lot of money. I gambled rent money and got evicted. As the council couldn't help because I had made myself homeless, I had to contact social services myself to get help with accommodation. They asked to see bank statements before they could help, they were shocked with what they saw. They got everyone involved - the kids school, gp etc. They sent me to counseling while they try to find accommodation for us. If you are not ready to quit, counseling doesn't help so in my case, I carried on gambling 8 years after eviction. I didn’t sleep for the fear of missing out on big wins. My kids went to a catholic school so sometimes I had to go to church with them, I would even put my phone in my bag with live casino games running so I wouldn't miss out. I remember going on a date, and the whole meeting I had my phone with live casino running. I only stopped voluntarily last year when I realized how selfish I was being.I lost friends because I kept borrowing without paying back & some family members too. I had lost food money so I decided to go food shoplifting for the kids to eat that was it for me. I didn't even need to block anything, I felt like a complete loser and that was it. Good thing they caught me shoplifting food and I deserved it, I even owned up that I had gambled food money. I feel great now, it’s been 1 year since I stopped, for so long I have been wanting to tell someone my experience. I wish you the best darling.
@b817zteyhi That's a story and a half and I think its a very important story to share. The progression from small football bets to eviction and shoplifting highlights how this addiction can grip even the most sensible people and make them do ridiculous things. I bet you looked back after writing that and questioned whether it was really you.
Stories like this, summed up in one post, show the lows and ultimately highs of gambling and quitting. It's so important that people realise they are not alone. Others have been in the same, or worse situation, and have come through it.
Well done on finally seeing the light and quitting. Your post has given me, and I'm sure others, renewed faith that we can beat this.
Stay strong
What a powerful post and well done to all the caring replies .that so many can relate to.their is always a way out of every difficult situation.and taking back your life take every offer of help you can get through putting blocks in place such as bank card blocking gambling sites. moses for bricks and mortar gambling dens.gamban for online and the help and advice through the gamcare community.im 114 days gamble free now and feel so much better health wise now I'm at peace and have accepted that I can't gamble one penny as it would set me back on the road to ruin both physically and mentally. Good luck and hopefully in the next few weeks you will look back and the gambling life will be a distant memory of your past not of your future bless you
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