I talk a good game

Tryinghard1234 - nice one for getting back to being GF. Don’t tend to post on too many stories mainly because I’m very early on in my recovery, but your post struck a chord.

Crazy how this awful habit becomes such a priority over everything, especially the most important things in our lives. Doesn’t make you a bad person, just indicates how strong and toxic the pull is to gamble.

You’ve obviously shown how capable you are of becoming GF, but maybe the biggest hurdle for you (like me and many others) is complacency and that belief when things get better that a small flutter won’t don’t any harm. When we’re in that position again we won’t make the same mistake!

Best of luck pal.

LT 

Today is day 2 not gambling, I can undoubtedly say not gambling was far easier when there was no sport on during the first lockdown but that was a temporary state and sport will continue so I must adjust.

Spending the day at home so  the the family (who isn’t) and trying to do some home schooling, still sick with myself for gambling money away again and the feeling is still pretty strong.

This is the easy bit I have money for bills and that is all I have left to the end of the month so I won’t be gambling but keeping the resolve going once I get to pay day is the hard bit I should be paying off the debt I have accrued but always manage to sneak a bet here and there, because I am sneaking around the bet is bigger because it is a time thing and when it invariably loses I double down and go again. 
The cycle of crazy has to stop, been watching plenty of gambling diary’s on you tube to trying to find something that resonates and gives me an anchor point I need to do this, it starts and ends with me, pull your head out of your backside man! Have a good gamble free day everyone 

Hi mate

If you have gam stop and gam ban etc in place this will stop you from gambling online, more and more websites are signing up to gam stop to prevent us problem gamblers from signing up.

I know some sites are not signed up to gam stop so there is always a risk problem gamblers who are registered to gam stop.

How are you feeding your habit with gam stop in place? If you’re going to bookies, horses, dogs etc just don’t go! 🙂 

Hi TH.

Are you talking it through with anybody close? have you told your family?

Your foundations for stopping seem very shaky and you cant build until you have a strong base. You need a born again moment of true openness and honesty.......not just telling the forum members although it is a good step you are here

You know its not your only friend. You need to leave it alone...its destroying you. There is no relief in gambling to extinction...its a drug addiction and mental illness you need help for. Its a drug addiction, cruel sadistic temptress and its killing you.

I understand you. I paid lip service to it for forty years the 10 months after joining the forum. You talk about "time off "till payday which is addicted and delusional talk of a upside. I used to do it and congratulate myself for a month, two weeks six days then two days free from gambling.

The truth is I was skint numb and depressed after being forced to pay bills or just skint after chucking everything away.....a horrendous feeling which we numb down to survive the pain.

You talk about slippery behaviour to get your fix which we understand. Nobody is saying you are an inherently bad person but you are a gambling addict.

I would stop you because I know how to monitor you and restrict your access to important locations, amounts of money and time. I would know exactly what you were up to with a sixth sense. ......So.so who is monitoring you because that is what you need!

I get the feeling you havent gone down the route because you would fight it every step of the way. Your addiction doesnt want to let you go easily which is why you have to cry out for help.

If you can bypass blocks or go elsewhere...they are not blocks...do you understand that is just paying lip service to the idea of "blocks"

How hard are you trying because I want you to get miffed with me...I want you to think about an addiction which controls you like a puppet on strings

You have to do the cold turkey...you have to rattle for your mind to stand a chance of healing. Its not about treating you like a baby...its about saving your life!

Gambling is pure misery...its a mugs game and you need to start learning that all the risk was with you. You were gambling against a huge mitigated risk fund topped up with mug punters money. 

They arent risking their housekeeping money or their marriages.They wouldnt set a bookies/gambling den up if it wasnt a carefully calculated and steady profit earner. The income stream is theirs carefully calculated on spreadsheets.

You are being sold a dream...a drug ..a complete lie in many ways...its not a top up scheme for your monthy salary because a scheme has to be reliable

If I can do it you can do it! Ive got money now because  I no longer chuck thousands away on gambling misery.

How can I get over to you what a good feeling it is to make it history and have no real thoughts of wanting to do it again. I'm never complacent though and thats the key to dealing with a higher power. 

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thanks for the posts, I understand the points being made and I need to look at what I have in place, my point with this is no matter what “blocks” I put in place this is going to be down to me to abstain and to this I need to better understand the drive behind it because as much as others can help it is all on me to not act. 

My wife try’s to help but she could never really understand and most of my friends gamble to a bigger or lesser degree so I do feel alone in this, ga meetings are nit an option due to distance they are away but investigating help via a shrink as I feel knowing what drives the urges and knowing more about how my brain is moving will help.

I don’t know feel like I’m rambling and don’t want to come off as whiny, thanks for your input day 3 

@tryinghard1234 I don't know if I've asked this before of you, but how far is your nearest GA meeting?

Chris.

Hi Chris 

my nearest meeting is about 60 miles away with work and home life travelling and having that time would be incredibly hard if they were even having meetings in the correct environment. This is one thing I don’t think I’m avoiding I would like to attend something like this because I think having accountability and other people who new what the feelings are like would be nice. Kind of the reason I’m here to be honest.

TH

That's a fair distance. I used to go to a different meeting a few years ago(compared to my current one) and I would drive 15 miles from work to home and then 35 miles to the meeting. It took just over a hour and gave me a chance to reflect on my day/week, but also putting in the effort made it seem that I really was doing something to help myself.

Now I wouldn't tell you what to do but I would ask you to think of this. How far would you have gone to place a bet? I appreciate that with online it might be as far as the loo but pre-online, how far would you have gone to gamble?

On a second note, unless you are in the middle of nowhere, there may be an AA meeting a little nearer to you. Although not quite the same, the principle behind it is and you'll find a lot of people there with cross addictions who you'll be able to identify with.

The main reason is I can identify with what you said about your resolve slipping. So many times I promised myself and others I wouldn't do it again and next day go right back at it. Day after day, week after week, year after year. It was only after doing something different that it worked. I first went to GA at about 17 so I am very comfortable  there, and knowing that if I went there I didn't gamble but if I didn't go I would, why was I constantly fighting it and trying it my way. My way and my willpower just didn't exist against this illness. It was only by changing something that made a difference. For me GA is the difference. 

I wish you well

Chris.

Others can help TH..make no mistake about that. You cant do this alone.

Your addiction will be talking to you now wrapping you in its blanket of delusion and fear of the unknown. It will be telling you things like you are an adult and can handle it...dont listen to these interfering busybodies it will be saying...you can handle it yourself and just have a little flutter less often. (what it wants is dopamine or natural morphine...it doesnt care about money to get that...do you understand its a split mind control illness that has been destroying you

It wont like the thought of not gambling again and that is what you are fighting off. You crave the drug and feeling that your day will come. Youve got to get it into your head that on those odds your day will never come. You need ultimatums and you need to feel you cant let other people down until you start thinking straight.

With your experience you cant tell me about any upsides to gambling. Its designed to take your money fast or slow ...and it gets it.

Your wife?, your brother? Your Parents? your trusted friend?...someone has to understand you have a drug addiction and show you tough love. Tough love is what you need because a soft approach wont help you.

Your wife lives with you and she needs to know the dangers of gambling addiction because she is along for the ride.

You wont miss anything because you have to look at life another way...Who hands out free money in this world? What are you actually going to miss....The cold sweats?...the false banter from addicts who are not your friends? The extinction and leaving with nothing?...chucking your hard earned money down a kerb grate?

Friends who gamble are no good for you...like smokers and drinkers they all push their harmful vices onto others because they feel more comfortable all in it together.

Youve got decisions to make and you have a job on. Its a choice of wanting to be free from something you can never handle again.

Gambling is a totally irresponsible, highly addictive, drug craving, scam based,very dangerous vice and you are better than that. If the government were not making tax money it would be illegal tomorrow...understand?

Life is much better gamble free

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Day 4

Thanks for the honest talk I know there is a long path ahead of me and I need to have some support it is just now about where best to get it from. I looked into my nearest GA meeting which is not running due to covid and has no online option, but I think when this gets going I am going to attend it will be a long trip and will take some explaining to my wife but this may be the thing that needs to happen. 
Feeling very motivated at the minute have set myself some goals and targets now just need to get motivated to do something productive with the extra time I will have carved out for myself.

I am trying to watch as many videos regarding the chemical balance in my brain during gambling, it may still be me thinking I can figure things out (which is kind of how I ended up here) but I like to try and have never really done this before so I’m hoping knowledge leads to a more focused conclusion.

Day 5 & 6 rolled into one for some reason I could not post any messages yesterday. I have been educating myself on how my brain disperses dopamine with regards to gambling have read a couple of test studies on gamblers and found it very interesting I think the better I understand why I do things the less likely I am to fall in the same holes.

I have put two more days in the bag I feel incredibly focused on recovering and letting my brain heal, the damage I have put on myself and others financially and mentally is going to take a long time to heal. Baby steps one day at a time, I have plans for when the lockdown ends but for now education and loathing to a certain extent are here.

Have a good gf day everyone 

Day 8 

Another couple of days gamble free, was thinking about how I started gambling my first memory is running a sweepstake for the World Cup at school and from memory I ran two simultaneously and made a profit, the problem for me was at around the same time at school someone became the house bookmaker and I was spending the profit I made backing other sports with him I was 13 at the time if I had stuck to being the house who knows how my life may have been different. The difference  as I understand it is the level of reward your brain gives  you for backing and laying which is why on the times I have tried to lay I can never stick to it, discipline and long term gains are never really rewarded in the compulsive gamblers brain.

I will say learning about the process in my brain I have found rewarding and I have an answer for when the devil wants to gamble now as to why,  it’s early but I think this is the time don’t know why but just feels different this time.

have a good gamble free day 

Day 9 

Back to work today, relieved to have my time filled and that I am lucky enough to still have a job to pay for my stupidity. Did some rough maths about how much this addiction has cost me over the years and it’s frightening 26 years X any left over money I could have brought a house outright, anyway that’s the past I have 150 days that will put me out of debt but that will only be the start I have a mantra for when the gambler comes calling and I feel pretty good with where I am today.

Day 11 

nothing new to report very calm progress being made one day at a time, made contact with a friend of mine who is giving up too so hopefully there will be some moral support and even a little competitive edge to this time ?

have a good gamble free day everyone