I thought I'd reached the bottom, but I found out the bottom has a basement.

i think if you know you have a problem, and as you say it can take over your mind so easily and quickly then temporary bans from sites won't help.  Try Gamstop you can self exclude from all online casinos for up to 5 years, you can also with most banks put a gambling stop on your account.  Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be safe play for people with an addition, you have to stop forever and to do this you have to put all the blocks in place that you can, because a detox has to be forever

@deborah270882

Thanks Deborah.  I think you’re right.

 It was all I could do to put a 6 month time out on last night but I could see me counting down the days and then going on a manic binge (again) trying to get that carrot on a stick.

I feel like a fool this morning.  Almost like a hangover.  I have to get my head around the never again commitment or I’m doomed.

I can understand the trance element.

You feel disconnected from what you are doing and keep depositing knowing that you shouldn't but it doesn't feel like you doing it.  It is kind of like an out of body experience and the worst is waking up the next day and it sinking in what you have done. 

I signed up to Gamstop this morning for 5 years & I suggest you do the same & don't look back.

I considered only doing a 1 year ban but talked myself out of it.

I would worry in a years time I would not renew and then some stressful event could happen in my life and then I turn to gambling again. 

We have all been there and it really is a horrible feeling. The trance you mention is so real, nothing else matters at the time except getting your money back. The funds in the account don't feel like real money, and telling myself im done then finding myself back online next payday has happened every time. Im gamble free for only 3 days now but it feels different this time, I just need to stay strong.

Definitely try the gamstop it will not let you gamble on any uk regulated site. The problem for me was the crypto casinos that were not regulated, i still managed to lose a lot of money with them. 

We need to stay strong through this disease, I wish you the best of luck.

@jvh96mrnb0

Thanks NeverAgain. 

Best of luck to you too.  I have been watching some inspiring youtubes about focusing on what you want instead of what you don't want.  Like if you are thinking "I don't want to gamble anymore"  all your brain hears is GAMBLE.  Better to think of something you want that is positive (like "I am energetic and working toward making my home cozy." or " I keep busy and love to eat healthy all the time!"  like that) and the bad stuff just falls away.  So they say anyway!  lol I will give it a go along with anything else I find that's hopeful.  

I must go and figure out what the hell I want and make a list!  Hang in there.  Our stories are not over yet.