I'm Lisa, 33 with two gorgeous children, a gorgeous husband who earns a healthy wage packet and I also have a little job that adore I should be happy but i'm not anymore.
When everyone is asleep I find myself up until the early hours gambling away mine and my husbands wages on slots and have done this for nearly 3 years now.
I have to intercept the post incase my husband opens a letter from the bank or from a casino.
I dread the phone ringing.
I have increased our overdrafts to dizzying levels (which my husband still has no idea about)
All of this at some point will come out and m husband will leave me.
I know I cant reverse what I have done but I just dont know how to stop. I have tried numerous times before and found a way of controlling it by setting a ten pound per day limit on one particular site that does not have slots and this worked brilliantly for a few months.
Then something shifted - I have no idea what. And I have had a huge relapse. My husband got a bonus this month and I've pretty much blown it.
The shame and guilt is unbearable and I need to get back on track somehow.
I need this to be the start of a new life for me.
........
Welcome and well done for admitting your addiction.
At this stage I'll just mention the basic first steps, these are the hardest but most important.
1. You must talk to the ones you care about. Be honest and frank. You may be surprised by the response. I remember my time telling the wife and parents, it was horrendous, but things started to get better immediately. That is the most important and hardest step, be brave.
2. Admit you are powerless with this addiction and start making plans to beat it. This means putting barriers in place to help you along the way, like handing all financial control over to your husband, cancelling the accounts you have, install blocking software etc...
3. Get further help. I go to my local Gamblers Anonymous and find it a massive help. Do it, this week. You cannot do it on your own.
4. Start a diary on here, you'll see a change in yourself quite soon, its theraputic and focuses you.
God luck and be strong
You can not do this on your own Lisa, you may find it hard the first time but I strongly suggest you attend a gamblers annonymous meeting. Where abouts in the country are you ?
The hardest thing for people we care about is the lies we tell them. You are being deceitful to your partner and this is what will hurt him the most, money can be replaced but the hurt is a lot more difficult to fix. You must come clean and GA could help you on how to tackle this.
If we are serious in wanting to stop gambling then it is essential that loved ones know the full truth as they need to limit your access to money.
Good luck
hi Lisa, your initial post struck a deep chord within me 'i want my nice life back' me too, i have been chasing that nice life back for seven years, its brought me to the brink, that many gamblers get too, i want this time to be my rock bottom, i don't want these feelings of utter despair and self-loathing to re-surface again. So after a long time i have to admit defeat, i cannot get back what i lost - impossible - also i cannot win because when i do i cannot stop. So are you going to join this journey of absistence, i think maybe it's time for you too. - Paul
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