Hey folks,Â
I have had a problem since turning 18 and have never really managed to shake it and as time goes on its getting worse and worse.Â
I have tried lots of different methods, therapy, hypnotherapy, GA but nothing helps at all.Â
I wake up in the morning and I can think about is betting when I have money, having no money is actually not bad.
I have recently been giving my salary to my mother but even then I find whatever money she gives me is spent on gambling and make up fictitious expenses to be able to bet with it.Â
I feel ill when I know I have money, I feel sick, can't sleep, anxiety stress etc.Â
In a way I am glad when it's all gone cause I can chill out for the rest of the month and it's the only time l feel good.Â
Genuinely believe that is my forever life and things will never change.
My parents think I only gamble because I can due to staying at home and I know that if I lose money they are there to feed me etc. This isnt true though, I know for a fact if i did get a place of my own the exact same things would happen, wouldn't pay bills etc, they don't even get paid when I have a roof put over my head . They think I'm lying when I say I enjoy it when it's all gone but honestly it is just such a relief, no stressing cause I know I have nothing, been paid 10 days ago and now I've lost everything I actually feel quite relaxed.Â
Hi @neildav20,
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I am sorry to hear how you have been affected by the roller-coaster of ups and downs with gambling. It seems like you have tried lots of different strategies and I can really see that you have the desire to stop gambling. Some of the practical things that you have done, like giving your mum your salary, are really positive and although it may not seem like it at the moment, is progress.
Lots of problem gamblers experience feelings of relief when the money has gone so you are not alone there. When you don’t have any more money you don’t feel the pressure to chase. This is why we always recommend people limit their access to money amongst other strategies.
I appreciate you give your salary to your mom already, but how about asking your dad to look after your money? Maybe he will find it easier to say no to you and that’s really what you want in order for this to work for you as a strategy.
It also sounds like gambling has become an overwhelming feature in your life, it is all consuming. This is why it is crucial that you start making some changes in your routine and lifestyle because that’s what recovery ultimately is – a complete lifestyle change.
I know that you don’t just gamble because you can as your parents may think. But there is an element of truth in it – you carry on gambling because you have a strong and sturdy safety net around you. Which is wonderful and I would recommend you make good use of this safety net and really make a plan of how you will change your relationship with and understanding of money. How to budget, how to spend money on things you need and like in a way that it will benefit you and you can afford.
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If you haven’t already, I would encourage you to make an appointment with your GP to discuss your sleeping problem and anxiety and stress.
I would also encourage you to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to talk through what has been going and look at how you can make the strategies work best in your circumstances and discuss treatment options as well. We are available 24/7.
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Keep posting and sharing
Regards
DanÂ
Forum Admin
I know how you feel and what you mean...having lost all the money means you can't gamble and it's relaxing. It needs a massive attitude change.
Morning Neildav20,
Thankyou for sharing your story.Â
Sometimes, the urge to gamble (risk taking) can be overwhelming and see no outcome in sight. Perhaps, you maybe on the verge of suicidal thoughts. Stop, take a moment, and think about what you can do to change this gambling behaviour. Â
Changing of behaviourÂ
Use all resources and facilities that are available to you.Â
1. Sign up with Gamstop and visit all betting sites and barred yourself for maximum amount of time.
2. Sign up with Monzo, a bank which bars all gambling transactions- set up a pot which pays yourself £1 daily for not gambling. A visual stimulation and motivational tool. It also keeps you on trackÂ
3. Finding a healthy replacement for your gambling, such as short walks, reading etc Anything is counter productive and it lifts your self esteem and self worth.
4. Watch gamblers recovery on Utube when the gambling urges surfaced, such as Only Phil or the winning hand etc. Bear in mind, fighting the urges with everyday activities.
Take thing slowly as the battle in fighting the gambling urges can be a long one. There maybe mistakes along the way, however, the goal is achievable. Â
I hope this helps.
Xoi
Ps A thousand miles begin with one step!
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The brain is plastic. Means we can create new ways of thinking when we have to. Metaphor is the bear going to the same area to collect berries. He knows he can go to some places and always get great berries but what happens when a mountain lion family decides to move in? The bear goes "Ohh S*t" and the brain now needs to create new behaviour because it knows this current place now has the danger of being attacked. That means new neural pathways have been created and new learning is underway. We learn all the time. We are also driven by dopamine for a reward. There are some pretty cool tools you can use to change behaviour. These can be found online.
The message here is that you can become fully restored and you won't have to feel a total loss.
Best
C
Hi mate in exact same position as you and am starting my journey again from today let me know like to talkÂ
Evening Neildav20,
I am no expert, however, I do have a few suggestions:
1. Buy a copy of Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters for £6.99 from any good book store (Amazon, Ebay). The urge to gamble is your monkey self, not you.Â
2. Sign up with all casinos and gambling sites and self exclude yourself for maximum amount of time.
3. Sign up with Gamstop and download Gamban on your mobile phone.
4. If possible, sign up with Fintech bank such as Monzo bank that bars all gambling transactions and create a pot that pays yourself £1 daily for not gambling. This is used as a visual motivation tool as well as keeps a track record of your gamble free days.
5. Albert Einstein once quoted: if you do something over and over, you'll get the same result.Â
6. Finding a replacement for your gambling such as short walks, visit libraries, bike riding, reading etc. Anything that is counter productive and stuff that interests you.
7. Gambling (Greed) is not on the life menu- even the Bible states "You shall not covet your neighbours goods," Eventhough you may not be religious, however, it is an invaluable advice.
8. If you get the gambling urges- go and watch Utube clips on recovery gamblers such as Only Phil and the winning hand. Find out as much information as you can to beat this greedy monkey.
9. Forgiveness- learn to live with it. As time passes it will become easier and easier regardless of how much money lost in the process.
10. Try to separate yourself and your behaviour- as they're two entities.Â
11. Remember, time is on your side- healing process can start.
12. If all fails, go to GA meeting and start 12 steps. Go and seek professional help.
I hope this helps.Â
All the best.
Xoi
Ps A thousand miles begin with one step
Chris100,
There is hope in your journey to recovery. And it isn't going to be easy, but effort and determination are required here.
All bestÂ
Xoi
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