Hi Guys,
I have always liked a flutter in terms of gambling but it's never really been any kind of issue. I'd always had a good job and was very independent and successful with plenty of spare money. More recently, I had some problems at work and suffered with depression which resulted in me leaving. Over the last few months I have been looking at new jobs and during this time I have developed a problem with online slots. I am not too sure how it even started to be honest but it very quickly spiralled and gradually got worse. I think in my head I had this irrational thought that "if i won big I could pay off my debts". But obviously this didn't happen and it just got worse.
It's got to the point where all my credit cards are maxed out, my overdraft is maxed out and I can't afford to pay for all the payments due to leave my account (bills, mortgage etc). Over the last few weeks I've borrowed a bit of money off my partner and parents to cover this but not told them the real reason of why I am in so much financial trouble (they aren't aware of the extent of debts either).
I am getting round to talking to my partner and my parents but still plucking up the courage, I am so nervous about how they will react. I suspect they will be very disappointed and my parents will get very upset. How have others found this?
I have also self-excluded myself from as many sites as I can tonight. I honestly feel as though my gambling problem has been made worse by my debt (which obviously in turn adds to my debt as I gamble more). So I feel managing my debt is an important step too, as well as finding fun (cost free) ways of filling my time. I am back in employment now so I will have some money coming in. Does anyone have any experience of using debt charities and how they found this as someone with a gambling problem?
Another step has been joining this group. I really don't want to go to a GA meeting, but I suspect my parents will want me to go to counselling if/when I tell them. Has anyone had any success with a counsellor?
Anyway probably a really long intro sorry!
Anna
Hi
I spoke to Stepchange regarding debt advice and they were very helpful. I was 100% upfront with them and they set me up a debt management plan. I’m now 8 month into it and it’s best thing for me. There number is 0800138 1111give them a call.
If you want counselling then GamCare can sort that out for free if you call them and speak to their advice line.
Also the new GamStop service will block you from every online gambling site that requires a UK gambling license. It takes 5 mins to register.
More info in the link.
Hi Annax seems like your already putting things into place, which is a great start. I did one2one counciling sessions should of been 12 weeks but only needed 3 weeks as I was a model student 🙂 my partner did one session on his own just to hear about how he can help, and the depth of addictions it helped him a little to understand and I think saved our relationship.
You need people around your life to know your problem, your parents will be upset but will love you still non the less, your partner will feel cheated and hurt and distrustful but true love holds no bounds and time will help.
I'm glad I got caught and confessed it's nearly a year since I last gambled, I have no control over my finances my partner gives me a weekly allowance, luckily I had no debt it was money I already have so I carnt speak for debt management but read positive things about it.
Time is a healer and this won't go away overnight but you need support or it just won't happen. Good luck in your journey may it be a good one
Xredx
thanks guys. Appreciate your responses.
In regards to Stepchange, I know it sounds silly but I actually know a few people who work there and am too nervous of getting in touch in case it’s one of them involved. Are there any alternative organisations I can try? A x
Just wanted to let you know that I spoke to my partner today. I couldn't find the words to speak out loud, so I wrote everything down and gave him that. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He was very understanding, albeit annoyed I hadn't told him sooner. Within an hour he had sat down and worked out how to get everything paid off. i guess I am lucky that I have someone like that. He has also told me I don't have to tell my parents, which I am still toying with the idea about. Obviously, he's said I CANNOT ever gamble again and I commit to pay off the debt each month. For the first time in months I feel like I can breathe and I don't feel consumed with guilt and unhappiness. 🙂
Hi Annax,
Well done for opening up to your partner. You should be really proud of yourself for taking that step. it is not something that everyone is able to do it.
What I would say is get your partner to really look into the addiction and not just to think he can ask you not to gamble again and that you will stick to that, unfortunaley its not that simple. I would advise putting some practical things in place that, might not make gambling impossible, but will make it more difficult for you and give you a bit of time to think about what you are doing. If you can just avoid that first bet then there will be no second, third etc.
I wish you the best.
Damo
Thanks guys,
yes I am aware of this too. I have put various blocks in place and got some online counselling booked in and so far not felt any urges. I am aware if I did then I would probably lose my partner...
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