Hello 🙂 Adam here and new to the forum!
I have been saying to myself for many years, I will make an account and post on the forum, but just never did it! Why? Because I always thought it was silly, would never work and wouldn't help. But one thing I do now know is... what do I really know? I don't even know myself anymore. I am so lost, confused, upset, angry, concerned and numb. I am a complete shell of who I used to be. I don't even recognise that person or remember them. That person feels like they just collected their things and went walkabouts, only to never return. And I feel stripped naked to be quite frank.
I have been at "rock bottom" many times and always said "the only way is up" but somehow seem to keep sinking in quick sand.
Anyway, I am treating today as my first real day in recovery in a long long time. I have finally admitted to myself that I NEED to grab hold of any support and quit thinking I know best. It's actually quite comforting for the first time to not be playing the "expert" and being the pupil. I am ready to just open my mind, my ears and my arms to any support available. But, I am starting my journey right here, hopefully with you all in a diverse community where we can lean on one another to get the job done 🙂
This is my journal, to which I will document my thoughts and feelings every day, update you all and myself on my progress for the next 3 months and I will evaluate my progress after then. Share my triumphs and reflect on my failures. If I can go GF for 3 months, that would be the longest in nearly 20 years! And I hope I can reflect on this diary every day to keep me motivated, to keep pushing and to move towards the light.
Wishing everyone here nothing but love, peace and happiness. And even though this is my own personal log, I am welcoming of any messages, thoughts or ideas. Even words of wisdom and encouragement.
I will be back tomorrow for the first days shenanigans 🙂
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