It took me 4 years and finally found the courage to self exclude

I finally found the courage to self exclude from all the online casinos I have signed up for. I must be the most addicted person to gambling. I started gambling 4 years ago it all started so innocent with slots small 15p spins  then got into roulette and ended with slots again. At the height of my addiction I would lose £5k a day or £100 spins like it was nothing and gamble all day everyday.

When I look back and read my first ever post how upset I was with loosing my first £3500, I wish I could go back in time to that. Sadly, lifetime loss sits at £90k, debt is £56k although probably paid around £10k of that already since start of debt, savings all gone yet after all of this I still somehow found a way to gamble on slots. Won a few jackpots on the way but was never enough to pay my debts so it was given all back to casinos.  You would think a normal person would walk away after hitting a £18k jackpot, no that was all gone in 7 days as was not quite the £56k atleast to pay my debts. The funny thing is, my debt is now a jackpot prize! How silly, I would have that money had I not gambled. My mental heath is a mess and I don’t recognise myself yet 2 weeks ago I found the courage to finally self exclude from all the sites. I was signed up to so many, more than 10 sites atleast with £2k limit on each. It was really madness but somehow I could not get through the day without playing and winning on slots. I really finally admitted that I am defeated by this and the only way I can move forward is by self excluding. I could not believe I have finally done it. Now I am bored, broke and depressed but atleast my next paycheck will be mine but most of it still going to pay debts for a long long time. I think the debts is what really made me keep going and loosing my mind in the process. But 4 years it took to finally accept the loss and self exclude. 

One day at a time.