Hi Everyone,
My name is James and like many people on this site, I've gambled since being a child. At 16 I used to spend every penny I could get my hands on at the arcade, which as I have seen on this site is an early warning sign. When I got my first job, my monthly wage would last a few hours in the fruit machines, and I thought nothing of it.
As I grew up I didn't really go into the bookies, and it wasn't until about 5 years ago, I started with online betting. There was an offer of a free bet on the football, and I thought "why not, what's the harm" and I won a few quid. So I gambled my winnings, and won a again. If only I'd stopped there. As with many of you, I started losing and then got stuck trying to win back what I'd lost. After a year or so and hundreds of pounds worse off, I shut my account and still didn't consider I had a problem. After a while I missed the betting and opened up a new account, and got back into the same pattern as before, endlessly chasing my losses. I realised I was spending too much so I put a deposit limit on my account. This led to me opening another account with a different company and doing exactly the same. I was losing hundreds a month, betting until my card was refused thinking I would somehow win it all back, and still didn't accept I had a problem. I was lying to my girlfriend about where the money had gone, why I had gone over my overdraft limit again, why I was always on my phone. Lies lies lies. Then on Thursday, she came to see me at work, with a letter from the bank, I was overdrawn again. This time something hit me. I couldn't lie again, perhaps I wasn't in control of my gambling after all. So I went online and I started reading the "responsible gambling" page on one of my accounts and it gave me a link to a survey about my gambling habits, which then told me I needed help. I have a problem. I self excluded myself from the betting sites I was using, and when I got home I worked up the courage to blurt out to my girlfriend what I'd been doing, how long, how much etc... she is really hurt that I had lied to her for so long, and I don't blame her. She can't understand why I didn't ask her for help sooner, and I can't answer that. I didn't think I had a problem. She was very quiet at first, but last night she asked me to sleep elsewhere for a while as she doesn't know what to do and she needs some space. I've promised I will never gamble again, but how can she trust me when I've lied to her so often in the past. I've told her I will get help, and I want to win her back. But I can't help feeling like I've lost everything all because of a gambling problem I didn't realise I had. I wasn't myself when I lied to her, but it doesn't matter, I did it and I have hurt her. She's thinking If I lied about that, what else am I keeping from her, and I don't blame her. I've turned to this page because I want to change. I don't want to gamble again, ever. And if getting help here helps me win her back, I will do it.
I hope someone out there can read this and act before its too late. Come clean now and get help. I wish I had.
Thanks for reading,
James
Hi James and well done for taking this large step.
I know it may not seem like it at present but you have done the right thing getting everything off your chest and stopping all the lies.
Get yourself on here everyday and speak to like minded people its a great help, also try and get yourself to your local ga meeting they are really good for your recovery, remember you can not win because you cannot stop. Good luck pal......ste26
Thanks for the response, I just feel helpless. I live in North West Wales, as far as I know there are no GA meetings near me. I looked at the website, and the nearest is Chester which is about 90 miles away I think, and as I don't drive that's an expensive train ride.
After seeing what I've done to my girlfriend I really don't think I will ever be able to gamble again. I'm sleeping in a sleeping bag on my parents living room floor at the moment, and its all because of gambling. I'm just terrified I will go through all this to get her back, and she will not be interested and I'll end up with nothing and have a relapse.
Chin up mate what's done is done and try to remember always how you feel now because as you say you feel helpless and if you don't gamble you will not feel this way it's simple in theory all though I know it's a lot harder in reality. As for your girlfriend if your anything like me you have probably been telling her lies for a long time and she is probably thinking what else have you been telling lies about, she has lost all trust in you which is understandable and that trust will not come back over night.
Stay gamble free and the true you will come back leave that horrible lier who hurts everyone in the past.
Keep in touch.....ste26
Hi James your story sounds very familiar. Like you I have had my head destroyed as a result of gambling on line. The amount of times I have said enough is enough only to end off gambling again on some site. The truth is I was never able to win and like you no win would ever satisfy me no matter how great the amount. Again like you I would gamble everything in my account until my cards were refused. Time and again I would say to myself I’m not going to do it again and in all honesty I meant it every time. Any way for me I’ve found the only way to break the cycle of on line gambling is by installing blocking software on my pc and going to GA. I’m a lot safer now I can’t get access to on line gambling sites. TXnogam is what I’m using and it’s the best £20 I ever spent.
Keep posting and sharing with others.
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