Hi Everyone,
My name is James and like many people on this site, I've gambled since being a child. At 16 I used to spend every penny I could get my hands on at the arcade, which as I have seen on this site is an early warning sign. When I got my first job, my monthly wage would last a few hours in the fruit machines, and I thought nothing of it.
As I grew up I didn't really go into the bookies, and it wasn't until about 5 years ago, I started with online betting. There was an offer of a free bet on the football, and I thought "why not, what's the harm" and I won a few quid. So I gambled my winnings, and won a again. If only I'd stopped there. As with many of you, I started losing and then got stuck trying to win back what I'd lost. After a year or so and hundreds of pounds worse off, I shut my account and still didn't consider I had a problem. After a while I missed the betting and opened up a new account, and got back into the same pattern as before, endlessly chasing my losses. I realised I was spending too much so I put a deposit limit on my account. This led to me opening another account with a different company and doing exactly the same. I was losing hundreds a month, betting until my card was refused thinking I would somehow win it all back, and still didn't accept I had a problem. I was lying to my girlfriend about where the money had gone, why I had gone over my overdraft limit again, why I was always on my phone. Lies lies lies. Then on Thursday, she came to see me at work, with a letter from the bank, I was overdrawn again. This time something hit me. I couldn't lie again, perhaps I wasn't in control of my gambling after all. So I went online and I started reading the "responsible gambling" page on one of my accounts and it gave me a link to a survey about my gambling habits, which then told me I needed help. I have a problem. I self excluded myself from the betting sites I was using, and when I got home I worked up the courage to blurt out to my girlfriend what I'd been doing, how long, how much etc... she is really hurt that I had lied to her for so long, and I don't blame her. She can't understand why I didn't ask her for help sooner, and I can't answer that. I didn't think I had a problem. She was very quiet at first, but last night she asked me to sleep elsewhere for a while as she doesn't know what to do and she needs some space. I've promised I will never gamble again, but how can she trust me when I've lied to her so often in the past. I've told her I will get help, and I want to win her back. But I can't help feeling like I've lost everything all because of a gambling problem I didn't realise I had. I wasn't myself when I lied to her, but it doesn't matter, I did it and I have hurt her. She's thinking If I lied about that, what else am I keeping from her, and I don't blame her. I've turned to this page because I want to change. I don't want to gamble again, ever. And if getting help here helps me win her back, I will do it.
I hope someone out there can read this and act before its too late. Come clean now and get help. I wish I had.
Thanks for reading,
James
James, firstly well done on joining this site. You have taken the first very very hard step and that is admitting you have got a problem. Like many of us here including me family find out through things like letters or by accident. A couple of years a go i was a £1000 in debt and my family discovered by 'accident' however after many tears and discussions they helped me overcome my problem. Sadly 2 mths a go i relasped however i have realised this before i have got in debt and currently on day 1 of no gambling, i admitted to my husband last night and we are starting a new plan to help. Give your GF space as this will be a big shock to her, at the same time think of reasons why you have gambled, for me it cleared my head from stress, Is there something else you can do? Any hobbies, walking, running etc?
Everyone here is here to help themselves but everyone else to. You are NOT alone. Its a difficult road but with support you will get there. Good Luck
Welcome to the forum James.
You will find a lot of help and support on the forum to help overcome your gambling problem.
Your gambling has caused difficulties in the relationship with your girlfriend and you are worried that she has lost all trust in you.
We can offer counselling support to you to help with your gambling addiction and we are also able to offer counselling to affected others so your girlfriend could contact us in her own right for counselling to help her deal with the consequences of your addiction.
Maybe, if you open up to your girlfriend and let her know that you’re seeking professional help to stop gambling, and that you also need her support to overcome your addiction, she will realise the efforts and steps that you’re taking, and offer her support too.
You can call our Helpline on: 0808 8020 133 where one of our specially trained advisers will listen to your concerns and advise, help and support you in variety of ways. We’re open everyday from 8.00am to 12.00midnight.
You can also choose to post here about how you’re managing your recovery, and ask for some more advice if you need to.
Best wishes,
Rachel.
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