Hi folks,
Iv been here before a few times, but as we sit its the 1st June and in the space of 2 days really, i have lost my entire months wages along with a lot of broken promises to the people that mean the most to me. Where do i go from here i am really at a loss? as i see it there is two pathes i can take. a) come clean again to all the people i am hurting through these actions and move on with or without there support and put all the complusive gambling behind me. I say with or without their support as am not sure if my mother in particular can take another kick in the teeth. My mother has bailed me out time an time again and the money i must owe her is shameful really for a man in his mid 20s. So much so i couldnt blame her if she wanted no more to do with me and puts me out of the house. But i have to come clean an be 100% honest its the only way from here right? Then there is my brothers an sisters that are younger than me, am meant to be a role model right well that coundnt be further from the truth. Then i have my son who hasnt a notion about his daddys problems and its probably wondering why his daddys head is always stuck in his phone and he doesnt want to play. Then their is my amazing girl friend who doesnt have a clue about my problem. I really dont deserve her to be honest and she probably wonders why we arent going on all these amazing holidays etc that couples go on. But i see a furture with her and if we are to be together she deserves to no about this problem. I truely hope we can move on together but i cant blame her if she wants out. My last broken promise is to my father who passed away a few monthes ago after losing a battle with cancer. I had promised him that there would be no more gambling and that it was all behind me. Well it was all behind me for about 5 months until the latest relaspe.
The other path b) is not even worth talking about and i never thought all them years ago when i was placing my first football bet that it would lead me to ruining my life.
I have been here before i know all the blocks that need to be put in place. But most of them where there before an i still managed to somehow fall back on to the wrong path. This needs to come from within and the only person that can truley end this problem once an for all is me. I hope from today onwards i can put this all behind me well i have no option as am at a point were i feel this is the last try to get my life back and stop hurting the people i care about. This illness is like no other on saturday night as i sat gambling my wages away on an internet roulette table there was actually a sense of relief when the account hit 0. I wasnt able to put myself through the tourture any longer. Am not going to bore you with my whole big story as its been told a hundred times over. I intend to use thread as a diary to keep check of my progress day by day as i try an beat this illness for good.
So tonight i will talk to all the people concerned. I can only hope an pray i have thier support this one last time, if i dont i can hold no one else responsible but myself and my own actions. But from the 01/06/2015 i will move forward an live a life away from the dreaded roulette table and all forms of gambling that will draw me back onto the wrong path. Wish me luck and thanks for taking the time to read.
Thanks
Hi silly boy, I like you am sick of hurting everybody close to me I also lost my father in Feb and promised him a number of times that I had it under control so even if I stop for good now and make things right with everybody I cant do that with my father. I am going to live with this forever along with all the horrible things I've done, lies I've told. I went to see a counsellor. The other day and told her all this then I said to her this is not me I'm a nice guy and you know what she said to me, she who are you trying to kid, this was a shock to me and made me think would a nice person. Do all the things I've done. Sorry to rant on silly boy but it was like reading a post about myself I wish you the bed of luck and you can do this.
ste26​
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My advice would be to take all the support and help you can get, stop lying to others and more importantly yourself, take all the steps you need to take no matter how painful or demeaning they appear to be, don't have ready access to cash and finally don't be too hard on yourself.
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Hi silly boy. Like you and many others we have made real bad choices and been deceitful to the closest people. I had felt the same when I hot zero in my account I felt relief obviously felt down but knowing that I couldn't continue made me feel better (in a strange way)
The best thing is did was be honest to my mum and gave her control of my finances. I don't have the urges anymore because the control is gone.
You sound like you have a good family around you and they'll want to help you.
Wish you all the best.
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