Hi
After spending hours in multiple online casino's last weekend and basically gambling away this month's mortgage, I waited a while before writing this to make sure I'm in the right frame of mind.
I am at a loss to explain what causes me go out of control almost at the drop of a hat. I can be rubbing along nicely then all of a sudden something in my head tells me I should spend the evening gambling. When that happens I know I'm in trouble. I used to at least try and talk myself out of it but the last few times I have just gone along with it and that's worrying. I have no shortage of things that could keep me occupied when the urge strikes but they just get pushed to the back and the gambling thoughts take control.
I thought there might come a day when I could just forget about gambling and it would never bother me again but maybe that's just not possible. I now think that somehow I have to be on top of this every day for the rest of my life. If that's what it takes I'll do it as soon as I've worked out how to.
But having said that I feel different this time. If the urges follow the same pattern it will be three to four weeks before they come back so I need to do something now to supress them otherwise I don't stand a chance.
I should say I haven't been able to block my access to gambling sites as I have to use a non Windows computer for work which has internet but won't run the blocking software (as far as I know). I read a post earlier where someone mentioned some software called head space. It looks like something that might help me with my thought processes so I will be looking into that further.
Looking forward to day 4
Thanks for reading
Hi Canute,
Welcome to the Forum!
It´s great that you have decided to join us here. You describe how you feel that you are caught in a loop and that you gamble when you feel an impulse to do so. There is a pattern to the way you gamble and the way you feel urges to gamble, you say and that shows that you have already learned a lot about yourself and about your problem. You can use this to your advantage.
Making it more difficult for yourself to act on those impulses can be helpful, like cutting yourself off access to money to gamble with or cutting yourself off access to gambling opportunities. You could consider asking someone else to look after your money for a while as well as blocking software, which you are already looking into. Maybe take a look at netnanny, betfilter and K9.
You can also talk through your options with an advisor directly either on the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or on the internet based Netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline
Both services are open from 8am to midnight every day and we run chatrooms here, too, should you wish to join and talk to others in real time.
Keep going, one day at a time.
Kind wishes
Gabriele
Hi Gabriele
Thanks for the warm welcome and the information.
I will be looking at blocking software options this evening after work and as you say take it one day at a time.
Regards
hi canute
your in the same position as me when you know the urge is coming to gamble and self destruct.its that feeling we are familier with and seek when something is playing on our mind.ive set up a strategy for whenever i feel these urges to come on here and read a few diaries and add the odd comment on them and gain the inspiration to refrain and feel proud of myself in the morning for going through those urges and keeping them at bay.with real determination you can do it and every day gamble free is another blow to those gambling demons
jimbo
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