My first post - Life can only get better

A moving story mate - one which we can all relate to.

Congrats on getting past the first 2 weeks. Only advice I can offer is to continue to invest time in your recovery. If you find just a fraction of the time you used to find to gamble to go to counselling, forum reading/writing, gamcare chat, GA whatever it takes you will start to see life get a bit better again day by day.

Wishing you all the best!

Hi too all

Still remain gamble free and am focusing on my recovery and getting my head straight after this awful period.

3^rd session with my therapist on Wednesday and I am looking forward to the face to face verbal which helps enormously. (please go down this route if you haven’t already) Just talking on this site is an arm round the shoulder and advice source but at some stage you must seek professional help to get over this addiction.

I must admit that I am getting bogged down with trying to come to terms with the best solution to deal with my debt problems. A position we are all too familiar with I am sure, I know this was my route to gambling (depression etc...). Feeling very low toady after trawling the internet with all the info out there about debt, IVA’s and bankruptcy, it seems like a lot to digest.

I have been in touch with Step change Debt Charity and now have a client number. They have advised on either an IVA or Bankruptcy? I have no assets and after checking my credit report for the first time in years it appears all my debts are now in the hands of debts recovery firms (50K) o*g. I am considering employment and also have a pension which I receive monthly so could approach an IVA or Bankruptcy and pay towards my debts on either (IPA - BR) or the agreed amount on the (IVA).

Can anyone offer advice please?

I always want to end on a positive note, so I hope many of you are doing ok and getting the help you need, if not try and do something towards your recovery today. If your struggling talk to me and I will try and help if I can (just don’t ask for any money) J

Regards

Timetochange69

Amazing post!

timetochange69 wrote:

Hi to all

I have been thinking long and hard about posting on the forum since my 'breakdown' on 5th October 2016.

To cut a long story short.

Left the Forces in 2010 after 22 years service, and never, ever gambled prior to 2010.

6 months later went through a relationship breakdown.

Started to struggle with my financial commitments and was deeply affected by this inability to meet my financial responsibilities. (Pride etc...) Although I didn’t realise it at the time my mental state and physical wellbeing was on the slide and the only way was down. I asked the banks and card companies for help but was met with no help apart from borrow more to consolidate. I always kept my finances private from family and friends because I did not want them to see I was struggling, I saw this as a sign of weakness.

I was introduced to a gambling via a game of poker in a pub with friends. A friend then gave me a tip on horse that he owned and was running at Wincanton over xmas 2010. It won!!!!! (This was great; my financial problems can be solved by gambling) HOW WRONG I WAS

Already struggling with my non-gambling debts and my employment not bringing in the money required I found myself gambling more and more now via smart phone, internet etc.. I didn’t see it as a problem then and just viewed it as a means to try and solve my financial situation. I was hooked and did not even realise it, or more to the point I didn’t want to face the fact that I was becoming a CG.

I had become withdrawn from the regular things we all do in our day to day lives and was always thinking of my next bet or accumulator I could prepare for the forthcoming day (all the time increasing the stakes)

Fast forward to October 2014, I had gone off the grid and was avoiding debt management companies by moving from NO bill commitments lodgings. I had opened new bank accounts with no overdraft facilities and was gambling more than ever. Betting was my main focus and I used any money I could get to gamble. I had now branched out into the high street and was visiting all the bookies in the area to get my bets on, spreading them out between them all as not to arouse suspicion of my desperation and addiction. My family, friends and work all became obstacles that would get in the way of me gambling, this is not just a gambling addiction this is now affecting my ability to function physically and mentally.

I then met a young lady that sparked a light of hope and I said to myself that’s it I’m going to stop and get my life back, a future and a chance to be a man with a good woman! The next 12 months were great and I’m now in love and winning a few quid, and losing twice as much. However I’m living a lie, I haven’t told my partner I’m a CG, and to compound all my mounting debts and gambling I'm now making plans of a future with my partner. I have now moved into her property and do not want any of my correspondence arriving at her address (why not she thinks?) I want to shield her from my problems but all I’m doing is making thing worse, my mental state and gambling are a vortex and I’m feeling the self inflicted pressure day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Sleep is affected, constant manic thoughts and eventually I confess a little and admit that I have bank and CC debts amounting to £55K. She is so understanding and agrees that we can tackle it if I agree to save a little of my pension and wages to put by to offer the debt management companies in the future. I don’t do this but plough on with my gambling always just about managing to meet my financial commitments to her, keep, food etc.

In my desperate mind I make sense of my gambling by seeing it as a way to put all my problems right and give us the future I want us to have (I’m living in a dream world).

When I left my job in the forces I went into a family business owned by my brother in law. We had become friends long before he met my sister and we attended a youth organisation together and were very close. I became a director of the business and things were good initially until the business went through a difficult time. Taking the wage I required was becoming ever difficult as it was putting a strain on the business so I reduced the amount I paid myself by a considerable amount for the health of the business. On reflection this job was not doing me any favours mentally, I was under achieving and was capable of so much more, I felt trapped by my sense of loyalty to my family. I was spending ever increasing time in the office on my own with only a computer and smart phone to keep me company. In the space of 6 years I had gone from a leader of men to a CG with low self esteem and no self worth. I constantly had arguments with myself about my inability to move forward and my gambling addiction but always slipped back into the abyss of self pity and betting.

My family, partner and friends all had their suspicions about my gambling but I always deflected it with an excuse “what is wrong with a small flutter on a accumulator” it’s just like having a go on the lottery, I would say! Lies and deception were the name of the game and it’s shocking to think about what I would do to hide my addiction.

It had now become that much of a problem that I didn’t even recognise the reflection in the mirror. I was borrowing money of friends and family for the most random of reasons, £1400 here £1200 there “it’s just a short term loan” you’ll get it back in the next couple of weeks... I then stooped too my lowest point 8 weeks ago when I took money from the business to fuel my addiction...... I lost it obviously!! £2200

Over the years leading up to this point I have GOOGLED, depression, gambling addiction, debt management etc... I never managed to get more than a paragraph down before I went into denial and said to myself, f**k that I can sort this!

Well, on the 5^th October 2016, I went home before my partner got back from work and left a note to say I was struggling with a gambling addiction and was leaving to save her from my obvious self destruct. I was considering taking my own life and was a very sick individual that was infected with poison; I am at my lowest point and am not functioning.

I left on the train with no real plan or location in mind and a bag filled with the weirdest of clothing and a sleeping bag that was it! In my confused mind I was either going to take my own life or end up roughing it?

I was aware that I had left a wake of misery and worry with my note. My partner, family and friends would be suffering due to the circumstances I had created. This played on my mind and although I seriously considered ending my life I really didn’t want to die. I was struggling desperately with the enormity of the situation and was aware that I needed help.

Fortunately I had taken my phone which had been turned off. I turned on the phone at 0700 the next morning to be bombarded with texts, missed calls and voice messages from all my loved ones.

I called home, I went home, I confessed everything!

My partner and family are supporting me

I am not well, CG is an illness

HELP is out there

Face your demons, talk to someone (me if you like) it helps so much

GAMCARE had me in a programme very quickly

Under GP for depression

Handed over all my cash cards to my partner

Got rid of my smart phone

13 days since my last bet

A moving story mate. We all know the darkness of gambling and the impact it has on us personally along with family and friends. I'm glad you have fought this battle head on.

50k is a lot of debt and i would take step changes advice of iva or bankruptcy but you need to work out yourself which one works best for you.

Im 30k in debt but 10k is to family so a dmp would be awkward for me so i am still paying it all off monthly and very slowly it is reducing.

Amazing story tho mate and keep abstaining as going back could mean you lose everything as i would..

Mba

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Hi all haven’t posted for a few days although have been on the site every day reading.

To be honest like I said before, I have been getting very down with the debt issue over the last 2-3 days, one of the initial causes of me gambling although I believe I was depressed and struggling with leaving the forces and such a high profile role with so much responsibility.

Talking to my counsellor is helping so much and since I confessed to all about my gambling addiction I have nothing to hide so this was main hurdle I needed to overcome. I haven’t felt the need to gamble because I have nothing to gain! I was never going to win enough to solve my debt problems (I’ve almost seen the light come on if that makes sense)

I know we all gamble for different reasons it’s just identifying the trigger and the best way to deal with it, as I keep saying honesty is the biggest and hardest hurdle, but you can do it if you haven’t already.

I have decided the Bankruptcy route is best for me after a lot of soul searching. I’m not proud of my decision but at the same time the companies and banks that me let get into this situation didn’t help me when I asked for their help. I have no assets and I certainly don’t want any credit, I just want my life back, self respect and a healthy life.

I hope the future is going to better than the last 5 to 6 years and I really can see light at the end of the tunnel.

I will use this period in my life to drive me, inspiring passion to help others get over this addiction.

I will turn the negatives into positives to drive me and help others.

Stay focussed, talk it out, use the blocking measures, hand over financial responsibilities, and get a basic old phone. If you put as much time into your recovery as you did gambling you will not only get your life back but you will come out the other side a much stronger and wiser person.

Listen to music that inspires you. I’ve just come to the end of this post and a song has just come on by Paul Weller, Brand New Start (Google it) it’s never too late to make a brand new start

24 days gamble free

Timetochange69

I keep forgetting this but a massive thankyou to GAMCARE for getting me into a programme and providing the support.

My first day of not gambling and my first post onwards and upwards help is on its way.

Hello Everyon1978

Welcome to the forum.

You might find that you receive a better response by starting your own thread. If you click on 'New members intros', scroll down to the bottom of the page and click the blue 'new topic' rectangle you'll be able to start your own thread.

Good way to tell your story, receive help and support.

Hello timetochange69

Tough decision made with a great positive attitude.

You're making good progress, keep up the good work.

Best wishes to both

Glint

Hi all

I have had a very up and down week in regard to my emotions (depression, finances etc...) and am looking forward to my next meeting with my therapist tomorrow.

I have ticked of a major milestone this week and faced my non-gambling debts which got me into this god awful situation and submitted my Bankruptcy on Saturday. I have been approved today and feel so relieved that I have finally faced my financial situation. I am not proud about bankruptcy but I really have no choice as I couldn’t see how I was ever going to repay all the creditors. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted.

I remain gamble free and am making real progress with the help and support of my partner, loved ones and friends.

Admitting that I had problems was my biggest obstacle and once I managed to get myself over that hurdle the process of healing is now well and truly on its way.

For the first time in years I am looking forward to the future, I can’t change my past but I can ensure I don’t make the same mistakes again.

It’s never too late to make a fresh start! It may be hard to face but you can all do it with support and direction.

33 days gamble free

Hi timetochange69. Your story makes a compelling read and really demonstrates how terrible this addiction can be.

You now sound so positive after opening your heart to others, and this clearly gives you optimism for the future, with a real appreciation of the support from GamCare, friends and loved ones.

Use the pain from past experiences to help you stay strong for the future. I can identify with your harrowing plight: running away, unable to face things, ravaged by the hurt and heart-break you have caused others, and punishing yourself for the acts which got you into this nightmare.

You have already proved that you are fighting this, by your honesty and courageous decisions. Keep it up mate.

Just thought I would check in as I havent for a while.

I remain gamble free , 45 days and counting and am going from strength to strength. I have not thought of gambling since admitting my problems and feel I am mentally getting stronger and am facing my debt problems. Bankruptcy was a hard decision but feel relieved now its been approved.

Counselling is a real help and helps in understand the reasons why I gambled, stress, depression, debt etc..

I can see a brighter future and am making real plans for the future and am happier than I have been for a long time.

A MASSIVE thanks to GAMCARE and all the kind words of wisdom from fellow members, THANK YOU.