Hi I’m a mother of a son who is 31 and been gambling on and off for about 8 years.  Each time he tells us he’s not well and needs help.  We helped him pay off his debts a few times but the last couple of times we’ve just helped him a little with them.  He now has a fiancée and a 3 year old daughter with a mortgage and a wedding that is due to take place next year .  He came around last night to say he’s done it again and wracked up a huge debt.  He hasn’t touched any of his job income and is up to date with all his bills and mortgage. He works full time and has been working loads of hours overtime to help pay for the wedding which he has been giving to his fiancée who has a separate bank account, thank goodness!
I’ve even been checking his current account daily but he’s opened up an other account and used credit cards. Me and my husband are at our wits end and don’t know what to do.  If he tells her it’s both their lives ruined.  I think the only option now is to get an IVA .  He then won’t get another mortgage offer when his fixed one runs out in 2 1/2 years.His fiancée had only given him one more chance to stop.  He had about 10 phone sessions but then stopped as he said the lady said she now wasn’t the right person to speak to. I ask him regularly if he is okay and to promise me if he had a wobble to come to us but he’s only come now he is desperate.  What should we do .  A desperate mumÂ
hi Annie92,Â
Thank you for sharing on our forum. This sounds like a challenging situation for you and it sounds like you've done your best to support your son with his gambling recovery journey. We wouldn't generally encourage supporting people with gambling debts as this can often create a safety net and allow the gambling to continue. However, we appreciate this can be much easier said than done. Â
Please feel welcome to contact our 24/7 live chat or helpline if you would like further support with this.Â
kind regards,Â
Tom (forum admin)
First thing first stop paying his debts for himÂ
Â
he is a grown man and needs to take accountabilityÂ
Â
Support him if he Is serious about recovering but by no means should you be enabling more gamblingÂ
Hi Anne... I feel your pain and have a similar problem. I wish I had asked before about paying the debts off as I kept believing "I'll never do it again". He's know angry as he has to work at a awful job to get money to pay his debts and blames me.. he is going on a mental health program but I feel an intervention may be better. I also have an issue with getting another mortgage when this runs out.. but he doesnt contribute a penny to the bills or food. I'm seeing a solicitor on Monday. Strength ❤️
@q1ejzpb83v thank you for your reply.  Is this your partner ?  It’s such a horrible illness though isn’t it.  I just can’t get my head round is as I am not a gambling person .  I worry about his mental state and him causing harm to himself.  He looks dreadful and is having pains in his chest from the stress.  It’s an awful time.  He is going to seek help this week
Hi Annie maybe a physical GA meeting might help. I know it’s all a very painful situation and I wouldn’t help anymore financially but the stress of it can be over whelming. I hope he seeks help and continues it for the rest of his life and puts your feels and emotions to rest on the matters at hand.Â
@annie92 it's so awful for you, I'm the same I just don't understand it... I hope you can find some ways of coping here. I'm not qualified to offer any help but I can offer support and an ear. I wish I was qualified and then might be able to help myself!
Hi Annie, gambling is such an awful addiction isn't it. I really would bring his partner in on this. She deserves to know so she can support him whilst also protecting herself and their little one. It is not fair for her to not know, especially when she needs to be able to make an informed decision re marriage. I wish you and your son the best
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
