Hey all. I've been reading some really interesting stories on here from hundreds of poor souls like me. Just like me. That means I am not alone which is the best news I have had in ages.
My problem started about 4 years ago, my only gambling vice was a yearly tenner on the Grand National. That particular year, I had no-one to go to the betting shop for me and wouldn't (and still can't) bring myself to actually visit a bookies so I went online and had my flutter on l*******s instead. That one little action my friends, is where my life fell apart. I won - my horse won! Great - only, as I was reasonably well off, didn't feel the need to withdraw my winnings (probably around £30), it didn't feel like real money anyway, it was virtual wasn't it? So, I had a look around the site and found some slots. Guess what - I won on those too! Only this time I won £180 and it only took around 20 minutes. Great, withdraw winnings, treat my son and forget all about it. I only forgot for a day though. It was so easy to win after all - and I reasoned if I put on £30 and lost, I would still be £150 up so where's the harm? Slots then became my oxygen.
Well, here I am 4 years later. I no longer own my own home - I sold it the year before last to pay off my debts. About £20k. I don't think even then I classed these as gambling debts, but that's what they were - I didn't have any debts prior to my win on the Grand National, not even a credit card. Since then, I have gambled the other £10k from the house sale, and got myself into another £20k worth of debt. I am at rock bottom having gambled my wages away in December, I haven't paid my rent or other bills and am now a nervous wreck worrying that when the accounts lady from the letting agent calls me as arranged this week, that she won't believe my lies about why I have no money and will set the wheels in motion to evict me. Most important in my story is my son, who is everything to me. He is 14 and knows his mum has a go on the slots but has no idea how out of control it is and what a mess I have got into. I could potentially be making him, as well as me, homeless. For that, I cannot forgive myself. I am a nervous wreck and feel disgusted with myself. I haven't gambled for 2 days (although I don't have any money to gamble!) and have made the decision that this vile addiction is not going to beat me. I am taking back control of my life by hook or by crook.
Any support that anyone can offer would be great because I feel so alone in all this as I don't have any relatives apart from my son so support is non existant.
Wishing you all a gambling free happy new year!
Rachel
Good luck Rachel - I've just joined these forums tonight as I need to kick my online gambling problem. My vice has been in play football betting but our story is the same. Last Christmas I wanted some new golf clubs but didn't have enough cash. So I put what wages I had left on a football double. The two teams won and I won a decent amount which I then got my clubs... That sadly proved to be the worse thing... Because now I've had a year of losing, then winning, then losing etc as I can't seem to stop playing!! But without me noticing I've got more and more into debt!! Begging and boring off everybody which is actually the worst thing!! So it's a new year and time to change for me!!! Good luck to you!!! Remember.. Even when you win.. You really lose!!
Good luck to you as well timeforchange, really well done in looking for support relatively quickly. There seems to be an amazing amount of cheerleading on here which we all benefit from once in a while eh?!
We all do need a pat on the back that is true. What we need even more is to squarely face our reality & directly tackle our problems
Agree - this site is amazing!!! And has to help.. There's some real 'horror' stories on here that have to inspire you to change ?! Just hope everybody can beat this terrible addiction!!
day@atime, you're right of course. That's why I am here and why I have finally admitted to anyone other than myself that I have a problem. I am an addict. I need help. I know that you have been free from gambling for a long time, where would you suggest I start?
Welcome to recovery somethingsgottagive 🙂
I know you have no money @ the moment so the Time-Money-Location triangle is broken...This is what you need to do! Remove one & you cannot gamble. Use your next bit of free time wisely, start self excluding from as many sites as you possibly can & then get a blocker on your computer, this will remove the location ready for when you have money again!
I am the child of a compulsive gambler & ended up making the same wrong choices. Was it because my mother gambled? Probably not but I followed first a Great Aunt & then my mother to the gambling establishments where I actually got to spend time with her. So although she didn't make me gamble, she certainly has never tried to help me stop. I know you do it @ home & possibly never when he is around so he wont be subject to the same choices that I had but it's a time thing. If you are spending all this time absorbed by the slots, you aren't giving your son quality time which he needs! You have to do this for you & your boy!
You may not have any family support but here you are among friends! I think your 1st port of call should be a phone call to Gamcare...They are the experts & will hopefully point you in the right direction.
Gambling does not make us rich, it doesn't solve our money woes, it increases them or there wouldn't be so many people on here desperate to find their way along the recovery path to a better life! You have to let what you have lost go & look forwards now to a happier tomorrow by choosing no today - ODAAT
I would suggest anywhere. Thats all you need. Just start. Be it GA, counselling, smart recovery, cbt, rbt. Know that your way of dealing with this problem does not work. Find the humility to accept other options given to you may work better. Stop trying to control the uncontrollable & accept your own personal reality. There are solutions out there go find them its empowering when you directly tackle that which pains you.
Freedom from your trauma will not come easily but what in life does x
Thanks ODAAT, thanks day@atime, wise words from both. Just back from a 2 day conference and my first thought was to come on this site, not one of the poison, joy-pinching sites so am pleased with that. I look forward to both receiving encouragement and giving it. I'm going to call Gamcare this week and put actions in place that will make it impossible for me to gamble when I have money again at the end of the month. Thanks again both of you. xx
Thanks for looking in on my diary, have you considered doing one yourself? Glad that you are staying away from those websites, look in at getting as many blockers you can to stop you from gambling when you have money. With me at the moment I am trying to find way's of repaying my business what i stole over xmas so not even considering losing any more money. The real test will be when hopefully i've repaid that debt and a few other's and have some spare cash available. Planning on giving my wife any spare funds to put in the daughter's savings accounts. That's the goal anyway.
Best of luck and well done so far
It seems the vast majority of people are in the same boat , we win , win again , win big and then blow our whole lives in a matter of hours.
I firmly believe the website and recovery diary and one of the best ways to recover , people every minute of every day post different versions of there story yet sadly all started and ended the same way.I wish you all the best with your recovery
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