My story

Hi all.

Just wanted to put my story down on paper so to speak, even if nobody reads it I guess it'll be therapeutic.

My gambling habit has come to a point now where I'm so sick of wasting my free time and money that it needs to stop.

I started gambling several years ago when I signed up to make money using a Matched Betting forum on a well known site for SAVING money. How ironic that it would lead me down this path.
I was great at it and enjoyed managing my spreadsheet and withdrawing for a profit every time. For those that don't know, matched betting is where you aim to extract the free bonus for signing up to a gambling website.

Anyway, that was my way into the world of online gambling and figuring out how it all worked. I then started placing small bets on sports when I was with friends, to make the match more interesting as I can't say I'm a fan of watching many sports.
A few years on and it was still only small bets and I never really had a problem.

Next came Vegas and my first go at playing the dreaded slots! That thrill when the first machine I tried started flashing, vibrating and pumping music and exciting sounds! I even had a few people standing around the machine congratulating my win. Was only a couple of hundred dollars, but it was such a rush. Before this I'd always been puzzled by slots and thought they were rubbish small stake games like the bandits in pubs. Didn't realise the potential to win big money they have, and to lose it!

So since then I started giving online slots a go and found the same rush could be had while relaxing in a chair. To begin with it was always linked to alcohol, if I had a couple of beers to relax, it'd always lead to playing some slots. I loved the feeling of anticipation as I supped a beer and sat back ready to play. Even now I can honestly say, I absolutely love it! I consider myself a fairly intelligent man and yet the fact I've never made a profit or walked away with a decent win doesn't stop me. It's like an out of body experience, like I'm looking down at a lab rat performing tasks for the next fix of C*****e.

About 18 months ago I'd say this habit really started to increase and turn into an addiction. About a year ago I also began to chase losses when I had a really bad session. One time I put £1000 on a single hand of blackjack, the numbers have no significance online, especially when I've already lost a lot, needless to say the dealer got 21 to my 20.

In the last year I've had a lot of low moments when I've realised I've wasted a few grand with nothing to show for it. However, even when I tell myself I won't gamble again, I soon forget and write off the last loss and get excited to play again.

6 months ago I told my girlfriend about it and asked her to help me and not to trust me when it comes to gambling. She was understanding and agreed to keep my card and only let me take cash out on weekends. This allowed me to keep my bank clean and enable us to get a mortgage and buy a house. Even during this time I was using PayPal to play which she later found out about and we agreed she should put a password on it.

Since getting accepted for a mortgage the flood gates have opened and I am once again constantly gambling as I don't have to keep my account clean. My girlfriend has let me have my card because I told her I won't gamble as I have no money in the account (aside from a huge overdraft she assumed I wouldn't dip into)!
In the last few weeks I've wasted another grand even though we have absolutely loads to buy for the house. I'm sick of doing this and today I want to start a journey to being gamble free permanently.

Day 1 and I've installed Gamban on my phone and PC. I've self excluded from pretty much every site I've ever been on over the last year, but I always find more so that's no solution.

Next step is to try and pay off my overdraft and open a joint account so that my partner can monitor all the money I earn. We've been saying this for the last 3 months but I constantly put it off because I want to gamble a bit more. She doesn't push the issue because when it comes to money I earn a lot more than her so I think she feels bad trying to tell me what to do with my own money.

This effort is all coming from me, I have a huge desire to quit, I just wish I didn't love playing slots so much!
Here's hoping this will be the start of the rest of my gamble free life!