Hi everybody, just joined the forum after finally accepting that I have had a problem so basically I thought I would share with you my story. I feel pretty worthless when I write this but here goes. I f***'d up big time. Been betting (mainly on football) the last 5 years or so. Something about it, like most people on here I enjoyed the thrill/possibility I could win money, or in simple terms-have more money than I had before. My stakes started small from 20/50 pound then started to increase to the 100's, eventually 1000s. So, a few months after being hooked, I received some inheritance. 50k... Somehow I thought it would be a brilliant idea to dabble with that. Up and down down down up etc u know the drill. Anyway, I somehow recouped my losses and didn't think it was a problem. Ended up winning all my money back. Thought I was safe. Then I decided (after the football season had finished for the year) to dabble in the stock market, a particular oil company me and my friend were watching had just found oil. So, my friend being sensible put a couple of grand in it as we watched the price triple over 3 days. But I had to go higher, I had this feeling that maybe this could be my chance, if the price is going up then why bother only putting 3k in when I could put 30/40k?? So anyway, long story short I did the latter and then low and be hold the price dropped on bad news after 2 days. So there I was on 25k. I guess this is a textbook story of chasing losses.
So September comes round and the new season. Didn't feel addicted at this time but I was very annoyed at losing half of my inheritance. I started betting with 5k stakes and after a a fantastic 2/3 months I had turned the 5k into 95k!! Taking all of my bank(betting and savings to 115k or something similar. Amazing right? No, cos all that has done since then has given me the pressure/expectation that I can always reach that amount! Anyway, so I was buzzing. Walking round floating, thinking I was wolf of Wall Street or something, I was also working in the city of London and took home a decent salary. So I told my parents that i had made some cash on the stock market and was looking to buy a house with a massive deposit. We started looking at houses together because, well I am close to my parents and I was single! Then it happened, I started losing. Obviously I was hooked so even that I was doing sensible things like look to buy a house with my money, I was still gambling. Paralel universe to say.... So my 115k started to drop and I couldn't stop because I had put pressure on myself! Dad calling me every few days suggesting a possible house he had seen and really my 'deposit' had dropped to 80k. But it's ok, I'll take 2 days off I'll win it back or just tell my folks that I had to declare tax of stock market etc etc. then my 80 was down to 60, then 50. This was weird because in my head I am discussing house viewings with estate agents and yeah I'm buying a house everybody! But as soon as I am alone, or there is a game on I am betting. I'm too far into it now, betting is too much a part of my life. 40, 30k.. s**t now I am lesss than the 50k I had at the beginning! Talk about pressure. 40, 30... Wow. Ok, so I have a problem. What I'll do is I'll just try and win it back to 50k, put house on hold for a while and forget this dreadful couple of years. 20, 10, 5, 0 ZERO!!!!....( u could all see this coming I know).
Right so I am obviously in shock. Doesn't quite sink it. I have no money in my savings, had to put life plans on hold and had to cancel my holiday to Marbella next month cos well, I was a mess. Mentally, and financially. But it's ok, at least I am single, have good career and that right side of 30 to win it back. I moved out of city flat I was renting and moved into a cheaper flat share to save some money. This was a good move as I was saving quite a bit and I had got also got myself a girlfriend(still with her now and it's going well). I could never quite accept that I had lost that money tho, especially as I was so ashamed if my parents found out. So with the extra money I was saving each month I was begging again the next season, 500 stakes. Plan was to increase to 5k, and then start with 5k stakes up to 50k. Girlfriend worked on the road for a few months and we only saw each other at weekends, this was great I thought I can just get my head down and try and claw my money back. Now this went on for 2 years. Getting to 5 /6 k about 3 times and then zero. Zero savings, my bonuses were being pumped into ******* and 2 years on I was still losing and nothing much in my savings.
Now last year I moved in with my girlfriend, I also self excluded my ******* account and I really did go 6 months with no betting. Life was actually pretty good. I even told my mrs that I had lost some inheritance few years previous but I had some (some being 10k or so). Life was pretty good. And then arrived my get out of jail card, my job announced a merger and we were all offered a role in the new company OR a very very nice redundancy package. I obviously took the latter!! I was buzzing about it. Obviously I had still never accepted that I lost that 50k but this would go a long way replenishing what I had. Now, I receive my package 28k in may this year, unfortunately my self exclusion period expired round about the same time. I was lucky enough to find a new job immediately so I profited most of the cash.
So I have an angel and devil inside me. The angel say: you are so lucky, u have a sizeable lump sum that u prob won't ever see agajn thru work, a great career, girlfriend and u can just save for another year and then u can buy a nice place with your GF.. Now the devil in me said: wow all you have been wanting to do for the last 2 years is win back what u had lost, but u couldn't because u didn't have 5k to bet with!! No wonder u were getting nowhere. This could be your chance, u could start with 5k stakes win 20/30k then get out in a short space of time. And then everybody is happy, your parents, your GF.....
I'm not going to go into details but I'm sure you can imagine what I did. During the World Cup and first 2 weeks of the season I now have 1k to my name. Oh yeah, and my GF wants to buy a house together next year.....
So I FINALLY accept that I have had a problem, I didn't really admit it before but now I do. I have closed my account this week we am finally considering being honest with my close ones. I just need to decide whether to tell my GF EVERYTHING, and hope she accepts it and doesn't...finish with me? Or do I tell my parents EVERYTHING, hope they don't freak out too bad. My mum lost both of her parents earlier this year so I don't really fancy telling her the whole story to be honest. I think I will tell mr GF and hope for the best, I know I have to take responsibility for my actions. But then your parents are supposed to love u unconditionally aren't thay? Maybe I should tell them and not my GF..
Anyway, I'm really sorry I have just written an essay. It's not really the kind of topic you open up to many people about, good to get this off my chest. I kind of feel good just sharing with you guys. I am going to wait a few weeks and at present I feel I am going to tell my GF, I will offer to give her my bank details so I can prove that my betting has ended once and for all.
I feel like an absolute idiot but now is the time to start a new chapter in my life, accepting that money has gone..
And the reality of it is, if I had just brushed myself off after I initially lost my 50k 4 years ago and SAVED!!! I would now have my 50k back and more probably.
Idiot 🙁
Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated.
CT.
X
different figures for me but I have done pretty much same thing, destroying my own plans, like scuppering g the ship, just when you're getting started. arguably losing on stocks is poor business rather than bad gambling (I guess it amounts to same thing) I'm not suggesting you hide anything, but I think that's the route I'd take. I heard about a good deal, political climate somewhere changed, deal bottomed out. That's obviously not the problem is it dude, seems like personal life aside you have reasonable employment prospects, an still time on your side. pick yourself up, but LEARN the lesson, sounds like it was an expensive one ! chalk it up as experience, an you can help ur future kids avoid the pitfalls. not trying to be preachy, gotta do the same myself yet. get help where you can, an Chin up, not the only one out there
Oh man feel for you I really do.
Ive had huge ups and downs betting in the last two years and I finally decide enough is enough now I owe over 10k and am pretty sure if I don't quit now I will lose my family. That really is the next step for me.
My first question is are you in debt? If your not I think its probably easier to accept your not going to win and you don't need to win as you dont owe anyone anything. ..
I just want that big win to pay off my debts and start saving fornmy kids futures, for exotic holidays, for a bigger house and finally I have realised I won't win it so im going to earn it and use this site everyday to help me. Im on my 3rd day so really early but om confident.
I think you need to accept any money you lost is gone. Forget it. Now start saving for something and don't look back. Make a joint account. Lose your bank card or something so you can't access money easily.
Also I think your parents would be very understanding. Most are and it's an illness you have. They will probably listen and help you but once you tell them and promise them don't let them down as then they will become angry with you.
The girlfriend is harder situation as it could scare her off so maybe prove to yourself your cured then tell her and she wont have to worry. But if you fail this time you need to tell her for either her support or for her to decide what she wants to do....what do you think mate and good luck
Thanks for the support guys.
In answer to your question, no I am thankfully not in debt. Everything I have lost has all been mine through savings, inheritance and redundancy. I appreciate it is better than to bet to pay off debts etc.
My issue now is more how I handle the fact that my GF wants us to put down a sizeable deposit for a house in a few months and how I go about dealing with the situation. I don't have any urges to gamble right now....
And good idea with the shared account. I guess anything like that can by suggested to give her access to my money etc
Does the gf think you have money that you did have and have now lost?
If so unless you can save quick your going to have to tell her I think. But the fact she wants a house with you proves to you she sees a future together so she may well understand but you probably wont get another chance...
Exactly, she thinks I have about 35-40k in the bank which will go to our deposit.
Won't be able to save that quick hence why I can't really avoid telling her!
I am sorry to hear of your situation, but it certainly sounds like you are still in a very good position to remedy the situation generally.
By that I mean you have a good job and girlfriend and apart from your gambling I imagine that life is good for you in general.
For all compulsive gamblers one of the hardest parts is finally accepting that all of the money is gone - and will never return.
Once you accept that, difficult as it will no doubt sound at first, you can then try and move on.
As you know obviously it's a very tough decision you have to make whether to tell your girlfriend or not.
There cannot be a ''good time'' to tell her about such a thing, but I think the best way of deciding is to look at the two options you have available.
If you tell her then you must believe at that time that you are fully committed to stopping gambling. Yes it will be a bit uncomfortable at times for you both for sure, but if you don't tell her then it is inevitable that lies and deceit will become a daily negative in your life.
Also if you keep pretending you have money you don't have, then naturally you will still be drawn to gambling to try and gain that money back again - it's a vicious circle that gamblers experience.
Anyway sorry I have rambled a bit myself now, either way I hope it all works out for you.
How are you getting on mate?
Hope you are well and a few days of no betting.
Speak soon
Mba
Your gambling is going to be a recurring thing, you should understand that if your gf stays with you there is a good chance you will keep hurting her with each major slipup you do.
I wish you luck
Really good comments guys, thanks! i haven't put a bet on since last week and to be honest i'm coping very well in that department. Im not really missing it at all. just going to have a think over the next couple of weeks and weigh up my options.
My problem still feels more like its all about who i tell in my family & which steps to take rather than fighting the urge to bet.
all the best to all of you!
Really good comments guys, thanks! i haven't put a bet on since last week and to be honest i'm coping very well in that department. Im not really missing it at all. just going to have a think over the next couple of weeks and weigh up my options.
My problem still feels more like its all about who i tell in my family & which steps to take rather than fighting the urge to bet.
all the best to all of you!
Hey, ive only just found this site in the last week, but its amazing how many stories are just like mine!
I had a bad loss of 4k about 5 yrs ago, basically all my savings & had to come clean to parents, was clean for a decent time. Then in the last couple yrs things have gone bad. I also got a pretty sizeable redundancy package and straight away got a very nice new job abroad in munich, was in the position to be saving loads. But it hastn worked out like that! Ive basically lost everything and have just had to come clean to parents again and even borrow money off them, one of the hardest situations ive ever been in telling them.
im gonna post my story now if you want to take a read
Hi mate. Hope you still have it under control.
Yes mate thanks for asking. Obviously it's on my mind a lot but i thankfully have quite a lot on at the min wjth work n stuff. Maybe now that it's intl break I haven't noticed it so bad. I did however see the advert for the champions league starting next week and remember feeling gutted that I wouldn't be betting on it.
Guess there is 'always' a game that will make you feel like that.
I truly believe it is maybe not harder to quit betting on sports but harder to accept.
As you say you're gutted you can't bet on the champions league and you obviously have an interest in football like me so when the matches are finished you'll be gutted as you'd have backed him them etc.....
If its slots, roulette or casino games it's never in your face like sports. So u never know if you'd have won or not.
But either way we'll lose eventually so keep up the good work
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