Hi, I've followed these forums on and off for years but never contributed til now. I'm in a position now where I recognise that if I let things go on as they are I will end up in real trouble. I've had a problem with gambling since my teens, now in my late 30s. Fruit machines, FOBTs and then football coupons being the main issues as time went on. Anyway, in November 2019 I took the step of signing up to Gamstop and, coupled soon after with lockdown closing the bookies, I managed over a year and a half gamble-free. Then in the summer I foolishly decided that I could have a few bets on the euros and then walk away from it again. Ronaldo won me a few quid and I started betting with the winnings. I then went on a winning streak like never before. I could see that all my demons had returned but it didn't seem like a problem because I was winning and I told myself that when the streak ended I would stop. Sure enough my luck ran out but instead of stopping I inevitably chased the losses to the point where I reckon I've lost about five grand in the past three weeks. The scariest thing for me this time, having been here before, is the lack of feeling this time. Previously I've felt sick, numb, disgust etc at the losses but this time I don't really feel anything. It's like I've normalised gambling away £250+ per day as though it doesn't matter and I'm still doing it. Anyway, for whatever reason tonight I decided to write it down so that's my story. Cheers.Â
That is what happens when you have been going at it for a while. Feelings become numb and eventually leave you all together. So those 250 pounds can ev become 500 and so on and you won't feel the difference.Â
I think my therapist once said we get to keep anger and disgust but everything else burns away. Does not mean you are a robot. Just means your treshold is on another level. The downside is that your cementing your habits and they become harder to change.
All of this. There are no magic pills to it. No one comes to help you or takes it all away. It is about you taking a decision to own your decisions and take a responsibility for your own actions. Once you buy into that you can do anything you want. Best advice is to get strategies to survive. I have now taken a cbt course and I am working on my nlp practitioner course. It took me years to get on top of this but I still find out new things everyday.
We can not think our way out of it because nothing comes from trying to reason with an unpredictable mind. You can put strategies into play so that you have some defences when you are fighting urges etc. Some get far enough to completely close it down and turn corners that they never look back at. Others keep on a daily struggle without end. You won't find out where you land until you start so. Give it a go. You have nothing to lose when you try something new.
Best
C
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