Hi. This is the first time I have took part in such a forum, but having read others stories and the support that others can give I felt that this would help me recover from CG. I have had a problem with on line gambling since 2007, on and off. The off times have been long stretches, at one point I managed 3 years!
My latest gambling free existence lasted 10 ​months. Over the last 2 weeks I managed to deplete my few hundred savings, my 'disposable' income for the month, and a few hundred pounds borrowed from friends who, in goodwill, loaned me money when I asked!! They didn't know why!
Even looking at what I've written makes the situation more real, but I need to face up to this rather than my usual pattern of riding through the hideous anxiety, guilt and shame. Until it doesn't seem to be an issue anymore and the whole cycle starts again.
It obviously is and always will be an issue. In truth, my first on line gambling extravaganza in 2007 resulted in me getting into so much debt that I am still only two thirds through a debt management plan. I think that living on a tight budget for so long is one reason I return to the 'buzz' of gambling, as I have had to forgo so much of what I used to enjoy and depression creeps in now and again. I have never got into the complete and utter mess I did 8 years ago, I have always managed to claw it back at the last minute, albeit giving myself a few more months of desperation and dept, but I know from experience I am capable of this and I am frightened for myself. At this time I still have my job and a mortgage, and I need to keep them.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am inspired by your stories and honesty, and admire you for taking steps to recover and get your lives back. I recognise that only another CG can understand the horror and disbelief of what we have done to ourselves, and I hope to be able to support others through difficult times.
L
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Hi lizzie50,
Welcome.
I fully understand your rationale behind gambling again due to your current financial constraints due to previous losses. You recognise this as a major behavioural trigger and that's good.
I readit that your gambling will always be an issue and I understand that aspect.
In order to maintain your employment and keep a roof over your head you need to break the vicious circle. Albeit in your case you have managed to bring yourself back from the brink on a few occasions.
Your behaviourial patterns have not been unlike mine in the past. I have taken the decision to give up gambling for good now. In order to do that I've blocked online access to gambling sites. I'm using the 2015 Challenge to help me. Other people use a diary on here. Some people have counselling via Gamcare or go to GA and so on etc.
I visit the Forum regularly and post a lot on here. It helps keep me "clean". The way I feel is that I will never gamble again because I've finally seen the light.
If you want to eventually become totally debt free you need to put the strongest measures in place to prevent further gambling. I feel from you post that you wish your life to be better than it has been and with some determination and the right help it can be. I feel released and free now even though I've got debts to pay off still. What little money i have left each month is mine and not the Bookmakers.
I've given a selection of ideas and options and other people on here may post more.
Take Care Now
Hello MrStop
Many thanks for replying to my post. It was difficult to do as it acknowledges the problem and gives me less excuses to give the slots 'one more spin'. I haven't actually gambled for about 3 days, but tried unsuccessfully last night due to the random sites wares not being compatible with my mobile (my laptop has a betfilter, my recent relapse through the 'no go' area of smart phone). Anyway, I deposited money which I have since withdrawn, hopefully it will come back to me. Nonetheless the act of trying is as bad as gambling and I feel just as terrible as I'd I had lost that money .. Which no doubt I would have if I'd been able to. And more.
Anyway, it needs to stop. I have already had a strong compulsion this evening, but have ridden through it.
I plan to use this site to help me overcome this addiction. I did try GA some years ago, but due to potential connections to my work (I didn't see the organisation as anonymous as advertised) that organisation wasn't for me. I will keep linked with this site, and would like the opportunity for counselling so will look into it.And I will block the means via K9 or other, as that has always worked for me in the past. Well for a while anyway.
I see you are a recent recruit here too, so good wishes. And onwards!
Best wishes
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Hi L
I baught a cheap phone so I can only ring out and text.. I deffo recommend it
Hi. Many thanks people for taking the time to share experiences and advice.
Knowing that this comes from people that have lived the nightmare is especially valuable, cause there is no easy to convey the madness and absolute determination to ignore common sense and gamble til the last penny is gone! Funny because in all other aspects of my life I am cautious and not at all rash with money. Ho hum!!
Thanks too for the advice re: blocks and point & shoot phones. In the past, removing one side of the triangle has worked so well for me...to the point that the urge to gamble has not even been on the agenda for long stretches of time.
Joydivider (great name)...yes I relate massively to your experience. I used to be really sociable and lived for out & about, travelling, nights out & adventures generally. When I went through a period of depression related to a work issue in 2007, I lost my disposable income to gambling and have severely restricted my life since. And yes that becomes unbearable every now and again, hence re visiting the gambling sites. For some reason, when I am in that zone, nothing else matters and I feel completely in the moment. Anyway, in the few weeks leading to my latest purge, I felt restless, agitated and had no time for the mundane aspects of life, so I am now able to recognise the signs. Well done for the 5 plus weeks, keep going & keep in touch!
Best wishes all x
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