New and so ashamed

Hi Teegy ,

Welcome to the forum and well done for posting. This is very positive and is the first step in your recovery journey . 

I am sorry you are going through a really tough time at the moment and sorry to hear about your mother being unwell. You are never  alone with this and you are never alone in the way gambling can occupy daily lives for people. There is plenty of support available to you and you have made a really positive step today by posting your story. Other members on this forum will be able to read your posts and offer support and advice to you moving forward. 

Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline anytime on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.

Could I also give the details for some organisations that can offer some free debt advice.

National Debtline – 0808 808 4000, www.nationaldebtline.org and StepChange – 0800 138 1111, www.stepchange.org .

Take care 

Kirk 

Forum Admin 

It´s an awful illness when you are stuck in it. It is however all about changing the program in your head for another one. Changing your state as Tony Robins says. How is that done? 90 % of people do it through sheer determination. Look at all people who quit smoking forex. They went cold Turkey and beat their addiction. Gambling is no different. It is about making a determined decision to make that change. The industry as a whole has an interest in keeping this type of addiction in obscurity. If they can make you feel that you are permanently damaged beyond any type of salvation well then you are done for and nothing will ever change. But what is the change? What do you need to do to change? If you were a smoker and didn't buy a pack and then went without for a few hours. What would happen? You would be tense for a while but you would not crawl into bed and die would you? Same with gambling. What would happen if you stopped your playing? Would you die? Would the earth come to an abrupt end? NO. Your nervous personality would come up to the surface but that could easily be dealt with. So what is the message here? 

Let that nervous personality out for a while. Get to know who you are dealing with so you can do something else. The only worst-case scenario you have is the one you create.

Decide to do things differently and you will. Stop procrastinating and decide today. You'll have a better tomorrow for sure.

Best

C

Hi Teggy, 

Thanks for sharing your story. 

Firstly, it is not end of the world. There are plenty of help available in beating this gambling behaviour (i call this, your monkey). The likes of GA meeting, Gamstop, Gamban etc. 

Accept and understand that this monkey behaviour (survival mode) is your stronger self; which is 3 or 4 times stronger. It is like you fighting with 4 other people (1 versus 4). This kind of behaviour was needed in prehistoric times in order to survive, however, in today's society is no longer needed. It seems that most people have this, in their armory. 

Just remember this when you're gambling: The only way to win at gambling is to walk away. And realise that betting in a billion pounds industry, your chance of winning big is so slim. Your history has had shown you this, so what's going to change when you have your next bet. This is what I called: "Living on La La land," The best thing that you can do is to stop and think what are you doing. Your thought process triggers (influence) your feelings. For example, if you go for a walk in a park on a cold and windy morning, and feeling cold and hungry- you'll not be thinking of betting I assure you.

Finding a healthy replacement for your gambling such as exercise, reading, doing up the house, gardening, join a walking group, write a novel, painting, drawing, volunteering, cycling, hobbies that interest you. Anything that doesn't hurt you financially, emotionally, and spiritually. This gives you the power back, in control again. 

Bank card: go and open an Monzo account as they are the first bank to introduces barred of gambling transactions. As well as a good budgeting and motivational tool. See my past threads. 

I hopes this helps as you start your recovery today. 

Xoi

Ps a thousand mile begins with one step 

Won't pretend to be a therapist can only speak from my experience, 

The first step is recognising the addiction and wanting help

You've got this ?

Listen to Soysauce147. He/She talks sense. 

Nothing is going to get the lost money back. Take control before it takes your soul. The good thing is that you've already told people so this time don't have any access to any money at all. Block absolutley everything. I've been down this road and trust me-you end up in a very bad place. 

Morning and thank you so much for replying. Since my post I have had a chat and have an appointment for someone to ring me.

In my original post I mentioned that I had used all my mums money, which I’m totally devestated by. I have to tell her, has anyone here had to tell a family member what they’ve done and how did you go about it please.

Thanks again

Honesty is the best way, under any circumstances. Just be truthful in your approach and accept the responses and answers.

Good luck.

Xoi

So today has been one of the hardest days ever.
I have told my mum about my gambling. She’s hurt and upset by what I’ve done which is totally understandable and I’ve told her I will pay back every penny.  Guess everything will take time to calm down, I thought I would feel like a weight had been lifted, but feel worse right now. Do things get easier over time? x

Teegy - that must have been an incredibly hard thing for you to do, and you have my utmost respect for finding the courage to open up to your mum like that.

I can imagine it will have been a bit of a shock to her but I hope that over time she can realise that your options were to keep it hidden or to come clean to her and that, in coming clean to her, you've done the right thing. I just hope you're able to take practical steps towards feeling better.

The advice offered above - particularly Kirk's advice about getting debt advice - is a great place to start.

To answer your question - does it get easier over time? I think if you keep on taking the positive steps you're taking, including seeking help and being honest to those closest to you, it has to. You've confronted it fully, which takes a lot of doing. I hope you can keep up the good work and keep seeking help.

Well done Teegy. 

Time is a good healer as they say. More importantly, you must follows and honours your words by paying your mum back. That trust needs to be reconnected by your actions. 

Remember, every time you gamble, you're letting the monkey beating you. Only way to win at gambling is not to play or walk away. 

Xoi

A thousand mile begins with one step

Thanks for your reply ?.

Today I registered with Gamstop and happy to say that they have put all blocks in place ?.

Today however one of my best friends of over 30 years text me to say that I have caused a divide between us, tried explaining but she doesn’t understand. Feeling very sad about all this, i hoped she would realise that it’s a disorder.

Despite this I realise that I have to stop worrying about everyone else for a moment and concentrate on getting myself back to how I once was.

Thanks again for your reply x

Hi Teggy,

Well done for signing up with Gamstop as a positive step towards your recovery. And you feel better for it and the stresses fall off your shoulders one by one.

I can understand why your friend has an different opinion than yourself, still seeking the dopamine hit from gambling (the roller coaster ride). I hope that penny drops one day for her.

Keep posting

Xoi

Ps stay sane, safe, calm, and take one day at a time

One of the first things I read on this forum was (and I'm paraphrasing) - life begins today. You find yourself in this minute. You can't turn back the clock and undo the things you regret in the past, you can only do your best to put them right, for the sake of yourself and those around you.

In this case, you had three options: Carry on gambling and keeping debts secret, stop gambling and keep debts secret or stop gambling and come clean on the debt to your mum.

You chose the right option. Your friend is maybe upset about what came before, but I hope they realise in time that you can't influence that now, except for taking the positive steps you are taking now.

From what you've said, it sounds like you're making good progress, so well done. Please do seek Gamcare's help on debt management though.