Hi All,
I posted on here about 8 years ago, unfrortunately I didnt take given up seriously. I have gambled on almost a dialy basis since about the age of 12/13 and I'm now 39. What started as visiting arcades to play late 80's/early 90's video games soon progressed to dabbling with fruit machines in the same arcades, which then progressed to full scale fruit machine addiction. So come the age of 14/15 I was in arcades on a daily basis after school and at the weekends. I live in Brighton and like any seaside resort there is no shortage of arcades designed for tourists, but would often be populated by fruit machine addicted locals.
It became a bit of a social hub, there was probably 50-100 regurlars in Brighton of similar age so I soon developed freinds, by freinds I mean gambling associates. Which meant that it was hard to break away, it became my hobby, my social life and the only thing I knew. Much like people who play football at the weekends as the hub of their enjoyment/life, I was doing the same thing with hanging out in the arcades. Which of course is entirely unhealthy in all senses, losing money, wasting time, not spending time on healthy or interesting activities. I'd like to point out at this point I've always had a a good career, its whats paid for the addiction - I would just gamble after work and in between going home or at weekends where I could (and I always found a way). I just came up with the steriotypical lies about where I was to my lady, delayed from work, train issues (I commute), at the weekend I woud meet freinds/family for a coffee or a visit and just tag 2-3 hours of gambling onto it and say we went out for lunch or something - it was all just convincing stuff that I never got caught out on as it was all very plausable.
A few girlfrinds came and went (because I just couldnt get interested in anything other than gambling) and then FOBT's***t the high street. This is when I turned it up a notch. The amount I lost and the damage I did financially doesnt matter too much, needless to say after several lengthy visits per week (sometimes daily) to bookies over a 15 years period it was pretty bad.
I tried to give up many times, but in my heart of hearts I wasnt interested. Gambling was too much of a way of life for me, the 'friendships' I'd forged as a teenager in the arcades were still guys I'd meet for a gamble and a beer on a weekend. Phyiscally going to gamble was my only 'hobby' and although it was massively destructive I just couldnt get past a massive life change to break free of the addiction. To me it was an addiction, a way of life, a social life and a hobby all in one - it was insane.
Anyway I came on here to share a positive outcome, after trying to give up maybe a dozen times I've finally done it. I've combined numurous approaches, GA, counselling via Gamcare (which in the Brighton area is Breakeven), self exclusion and addressing the personaility and lifestyle change - that was the key. Life to me without gambling was dull (I would often look at people reading a book in a park or something and consider it such a boring thing to be doing) as I was always rushing here and there to squeeze in gambling. It was that problem that I couldnt break free of, if I wasnt gambling I wasnt doing anything other than sitting about trying to figure out what to do - and nothing could fill the void or get me excited. So I'd only last a week or two.
I've not gambled since July 31st 2015, so for me its been the longest time in my life I've not gambled for. The first month or two were very painful, I didnt struggle with not gambling, I struggled with an empty life as I'd lost my life partner - the machine. Although I have an amazing mrs of 5 years and a good job, I couldnt find anything to fill that void on a social or hobby type level. Ie I couldnt sit in a park and read a book like 'normal people' could,, I just couldnt focus myself to do it. However I've pretty much managed to address that now, I forced myself down the road of not missing an appointment anywhere (never missed a GA or a Gamcare appointment) I've not let a single person down in 6 months or more (no lies, no prettending I'm eslewhere) I've become a very open and much more relaxed person. Thats given me the mindset of relaxing a little and now I'm finding things in life much more interesting, its not perfect, but I'm definately 95% there.
I've got debt, I'm working on rebuilding my relationship with my very understanding girlfreind, I have fall out issues (I no longer control my own finances), I now have to give a lot of time to GA meetings, I have had to change the way I behave and so on. But its all worth it. Its positive.
I wanted to write a success story up, I'm not niaive, I know Im still a compulsive gambler, I dont shy away from that or convince myself I'm over it. I still do GA, and still will for the forseeable. Its not GA in itself that helped (it did a lot) but its my personal commitment to sticking to something helps with the mindset of being a different person and GA is one of the factors. Also my personal commitmement to going back and re self excluding when my 12 months are up in all the bookies/arcades, my personal commitment to being open and more reliable and my personal commitment to not belittling small things of interest. Like chilling out in a coffee shop with a mag, or similar. Those all add up to an outlook that doesnt include gambling and thats what worked for me.
So thanks GA, thats Gamcare (breakeven) and good luck to everyone on their journey to a life without gambling
Great inspirational post Lee , well done on turning your life around and agreat example to us all !.
Respect and best wishes .....................Alan
Great post Lee congratulations on being gamble free after having this horrible addiction for such a long time. Thankyou for your post in my thread, it has been hard these last few months and like your dear mum I have borrowed him money to pay bills, not knowing at the time it was due to gambling. He has admitted to having a gambling problem and does seem like he wants to change, there have been no online gambling transactions since January and he assures me there he hasn't been to a betting shop with cash. I know he could slip at any time, if he does at least he won't be able harm himself financially. I will carry on supporting him and help him sort his finances. It's not something I planned on having to do for him at his age. I was married, had a mortgage and was pregnant with him when I was 25. i do worry for him future but then I worry about my other children's future as well. I hope he can be as successful in his recovery as you are and as many others have been. - wcid.
Excellent post and very well written Lee2882.
I can really relate to that. I think many of us came the same way as those machines are so ingrained within our society. I have been thinking back over all the years and the final 10 months it took me to do something effective about it.
I remember that I used to stop in at the arcade at the railway station after work and a shopping trip would often end up as a tour round any arcades. I know Ive had a problem ever since a first fruit machine in a chip shop when I was probably underage to play it. Ive been deluding myself for decades and I darent actually consider what I must have spent. Ive had buried thoughts and many of my sessions seemed like a cry for help more than anything else
I think there almost needs to be a discussion on why we got so bored and substituted a machine for anything worthwhile. Why I considered life dull. I sort of gave up on holidays and human relationships. I ended up in a routine of charity shops the odd library disc and just wandering around town aimlessly. That led me into the worst year gambling I ever had before finally excluding and visting the doctor
Im grabbing my life back...I wanted to go to music festivals and have a little holiday so Im going to do it
Thats a great success story. I am also never complacent. I do see a real change though now and Im proud not to be gambling at all
Best wishes
Joydivider - indeed. I'm pleased you're grabbing your life back, they are indeed. Fruit machines have been deeply rooted in society since I was a kid in the 1980's. I also put my loose change in the fruit machine in the chippy, they would also be fruitees in cinema's, bowling alleys, cafe's, at the swimming pool. Just about anywhere you could go socially as a child they were there, then as an adult you are faced with them too in pubs, clubs etc.
I lived the last 25 years where I could barely go anywhere without a fruit machine being there, or more to the point I was unlikely to go somewhere unless I could gamble at that location, or on route/on the way back. It was very deeply rooted.
Boredom/breaking the routine was the hardest part, I found I could cope with not gambling - I didnt seek the 'fix' which surprised me. What I couldnt cope with in the first 2-3 months was restructuring my life so I had something better to do and thats 100% why I failed before, sitting around trying to fill the void only lasted so long. Addressing the void is just as important as self exclusion, handing over control of your finances and so on - and filling it with healthy activities. Chances are if you're a gambler and you're out drinking with your mates until 2am you'll probably cross paths with a way to gamble and you'll have a drunken head on your shoulders informing your choice to do it or not !
The previous times I gave up, I just put a rule on myself to not gamble, I told myself I wasn't allowed. But then its easy enough (particuarly when you're a selfish unreliable gambler) to just break your own rule when you felt like it. I mean you break every other rule, let people down, lie and so on so whats stopping you just letting yourself down again - nothing.
Basically previously all I did was tried to rely on will power and the will power of someone that had gambled for 25 years was obviously pretty bad, so it was doomed to fail. I did self exclude and so on before, but again once the will power gave in all I had to do was either wait out a self exclusion or just put in a bit more effort to gamble (jump in the car and drive 30 minutes up the road and gamble there). It didnt work and would never have worked for me.
I had to re tune my way of thinking and the only was that was going to happen was by experimenting with healthier things and pushing through the boredom factor, which at first was painful (try telling a chaotic, selfish, impatient gambler that kicking a ball about on a rainy Saturday morning in the winter is more interesting than sitting in a nice warm bookies 'winning' on a FOBT). So I had to find out what wasn't mundaine or dull by trial and error and really committing to that inline with putting in the back up plan of self exclusion and letting my girlfreind control my finances - just incase I did get a weak moment.
I did it by over exposing myself to new things and it was hard, it was a real effort. I looked up stuff in local papers, online and you name it I tried it to try and find that hobby I never gave myself time to find when I was a kid. Obviously being in debt a lot of what I tried was free, running, walking, reading, borrowed a bike off a freind, free day passes at gyms, going to art galleries - I did the lot. I also committed to seeing my freinds and family and unlike before they never got the 'I'm stuck in traffic I'll be late/need to reschedule' because I was neck deep in a full scale session with a machine of some sort.
I'm still impatient, I still get a little bored. But I now have a couple of hobbies, subsequently as I get deeper into these hobbies I will want to spend money on them (I like cycling) so its given me a financial focus. I now put money aside so in 18 months I can treat myself to a decent bike - I now also save money like a normal person.
Its great you have the festivals and the holiday to focus on, thats awesome. My advice is to try and build out on that, maybe when you go on holiday there might be some sort of activity there, like scuba, or wind surfing - so try and find a way to dabble in it in England before you go (Snorking at the swimming pool on a few saturdays). Or if its a British holiday, find what you can do wherever you're going and dabble in that on the lead up. I dont know, just ideas.
Stick at it !!
Great piece Lee, thanks for positng. Well done for being gamble free since July 2015.
I'm just over a week since my last bet, and really are not missing it. I was afraid to watch live sport but last night enjoyed Aresnal V Barca without the need to be wanting or having to place a bet.
I also live in a seaside town, full of sea front arcades, I suppose I can relate to you and say my problem began there. But since then I've moved on. I don't play fruit machines anymore, nor the FOBTs they're computers programmed to make money! I'm an armchair online sports betting gambling addict.
Good luck for the future, hope I can match your 7 months of being bet free one day. Thanks.
Good news Shep - congrats. Must be around the two week mark now?
Im pleased you could enjoy the footy without the gambling link. That must feel pretty good?
You attending meetings or got any 1 to 1 help in the early stages?
Lee,
Many thanks for the post on my page. Really hit home what I should be doing next. Credit to you.
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