New Member - Huge Gambling Debt and IVA

Your situation is not that different from mine . I went on a debt management plan which I have just finished after 7 years . However hopefully unlike you I was still gambling and now have around 15k debt through gambling during . It will soon be better as it’s going under a re mortgage BUT I have to stop now or it’s a never ending cycle . I used my partners credit card we have two small children and been together 12 years . See the comparison to you ? What I can say is that from experience it’s now of never for you . You stand to lose a lot more than money if you don’t take this seriously . Look at all the threads on here . Be obsessive . Create your own diary . There is lots of great advice out there and I can honestly say your life will improve massively once you make that pledge to you and others around you (and believe it yourself not just words ). Put blocks in place . Hand control of your money over to your partner . Self exclude yourself from any possible gambling outlet . Then work on your own mindset now the pressure of your brain wondering where it can gamble has gone

Thanks for sharing your story Bryan. Sounds like you got a lot to loose and I really hope that you stopped for good now. Looking back at my past betting behaviour I had months that I was actually ahead but when I lost I always ended up chasing that loss at almost any cost. There was no breaks! I was in an amok that I could not get myself ou oft. That followed by next day hangover and dispair. Then the plan of action, little win and I got the ball rolling again, the king of the world again. Yes the King, king of losses and convincing myself that I can win. Now I know that I can't and I sincerly hope that I will not try again. Thinking of my family helps to get rid of the urge. Whenever I feel craving I look at the photos of them and thinking that I will get us out of this mess in few years and then we got rest of our lives ahead of us without debt.

Following your advice I have now self excluded myself from gambling websites which takes the opportunity to gamble away. I'm begenning to prepare for my IVA and hope it will be accepted. We decided to open basic joint bank account with Co-op so my partner and I can monitor the spending and flag any suspicious activity. By "suspicious activity" I mean me gambling again. Can you recomend any basic account that can be used to make online payments, paypall etc?

Hi I don't mean to b**t in or take away your steps to recovery. BUT is your partner getting support? In my experience association in a financial way to my husband is not recommended. Your partner doesn't need to have a joint account. Your money can go straight to her account. Your access should be restricted especially after your past behaviour. Please encourage her to call gamcare and safeguard her finances so you don't repeat your behaviour.

I think nationwide do a basic bank account where you don’t need a credit check to do . But like merrygo round days it’s imortant that your partner receives support too. One of the things about gambling is that it makes us really selfish and wreckless with other people’s feelings . You need to discuss things with your support network , especially the financial part . Good luck and I am on here quite a lot if you ever need my input

Hey, I hope you're well. Welcome to the site. To start with I would recommend setting up a diary so that others can read your journey and contribute. I joined this place 494 days ago to be exact and that was one of the first things I was advised to do by a very very helpful/supportive person. It gives you somewhere to vent and to talk about whats going on.

I was in your position just over 16 months ago. A debt figure that could have bought a house and a massive gambling problem made worse due to the fact that I kept everything secret. I eventually decided enough was enough and seeked help through my best friend and then eventually coming clean to my wife of 8 years. Cut a long story short I almost lost everything including her and my 2 children. My first job was to contact all websites that I used to gamble with and explain that I had an addiction and wanted to be excluded from their company indefinately, don't worry if you can't remember them all they will eventually e-mail you telling you how much they miss you...just make sure you do the same when they pop up. Next ask your partner to download the software GAMBAN onto your computer, this prevents you from accessing any gambling sites that you currently don't use (it helped me a lot at the start). Look into the counselling this site offers, I couldn't benefit from the face to face due to my job so instead opted for the telephone counselling, helping me find the cause of my problem which happened to be boredom due to working away and a lot of time being alone, all habits I needed to change to get out of the deadly cycle.

Hiding it was easy as I had control of the finances so my wife never saw all the comings and goings, I handed over all usernames and passwords to these accounts so that moving forward my transactions would be monitored which kinda makes it impossible without being seen before the too much damage is done. Cancel all credit cards and when they arrive let your partner open them and shred them immediately, that way your card details are void on the sites and you have no access to further usage of your cards.

As for the joint account, I would recommend against this, your partner for now needs to be seperating herself from your finances so that it doesn't have an affect on her. My wife opened her own account and has her wages put I there while monitoring mine (this will get better as you build the trust and 16 months on she is considering using the joint account again). Sit down and make a plan of how you are going to pay the debts off, it may sound a**l but having a plan and sticking to it as closely as possible has allowed me to pay off over 50% of my huge debt in 16 months, it will also show your partner how serious you are. I also give her a balance of all debts on the 1st of every month so she can see the change and that I continue to work in the right direction. I know all this sounds drastic and maybe a little OTT but I was determined never to gamble again, and everything we decided on was my suggestion.

It's not easy, far from it to be honest but if you seriously want to beat it then you need to be devoted to beating it. I know I am and I sit 6 days off the 500 day mark, absolutely no interest in gambling in any way and a very strong relationship off the back off my dedication to beat it, in fact right now it disgusts me at the thought of what I have done...Gambling is for mugs. Not every story is a success story, it ultimately lies with you and what you want. I know people on here who have been in your position, stopped but then got complacent and ended up loosing everything, home, familes, friends, jobs etc. You need to decide on which route you want to take and go for it.

Sorry if this is all a bit long winded and hope I haven't hijacked your thread I just wanted to give you as much advice as possible that helped me, good luck for the future.

Great advice Danny P from someone who has been there and done it . Proof that you can beat it with the right mindset and the blocks in place

Thanks Bryan, like I said it might all seem a bit long winded but I wanted to put every possible thing in the way to prevent me going back. Problem is a lot of gambling addicts as you say are selfish and don't care, they don't like handing that power over to another person when the truth is if you want to recover and escape that life then that is exactly what you SHOULD be doing.

It's up to the individual to decide if they actually want to stop gambling and improve their life or continue to ignore the problem and just talk about it like it's going to happen itself. It definitely hasn't been easy, especially at the beginning but once the mist clears and you can get that clear head then it's easier to put the plans in place.

I'm not sure on your personal situation but if you have any available balances on credit cards it's worth transferring your balances round to 0% before you cut them up. That will at least allow your payments to be reducing only the balance for 9-12 months. I shifted all mine around til as much as possible was spread across the 4 cards I had at 0%. Slowly the balances have crept down and now I'm only using 3 of them, my wife cut my cards up after I balanced the transfers. 12 months later when the balances were to expire I ordered new cards and under my wifes supervision transferred them all around again before cutting them up again.

Most importantly work on yourself. I know you might want to quit gambling for the sake of your partner and children but remember that they aren't the addicts, you are. You have to want to quit before you can even start, you need to believe it yourself before anyone else will. Good luck and I wish you well, there are a lot of people on here that are willing to help where they can, reach out to them and please stop before it gets too late.

Please can you tell me how you got on I am in the same situation