hi,
have been reading the stories on here - so familiar to my own.
I started gambling a year ago, stared with a Saturday football bet for a £10.00 - would put £20 into online casino spend 10 on the football and 10 on slots, this started to increase, would put £20-30 increasing all the time, eventually betting thousands at a time on the slot games.
after losing so much I couldn't hide from my husband anymore, I told him - he was angry and upset ( yes normal reaction), said we would work through it and he would help me - I have since relapsed 4 times - each time he gets angry and then calms down - he does say that due to my gambling though I have trapped him into staying in the family home as he cannot afford to go anywhere else (we are in debt up to our eyeballs and were before I gambled!)
I have just relapsed again today - I cannot carry on like this anymore - I hate the person I have become although I cannot tell my husband again, I feel so ashamed of what I have done,
I really don't understand why I just cant seem to stop, even as I was spending the money, my brain is saying what are you doing - stop now - I just cant seem to, its like all rational thoughts leave me and all I can think about is the game, even the winning is not that important - just the game.
my head is all over the place - constant worrying, cant concentrate on my job - all that matters is the gambling
I think my husband feels guilty aswell as he was the one who started the betting and the slots and he thinks had he not, I would not have started or even thought about gambling - I don't know what to make of that, I suppose there could be something init - but I am grown woman, responsible for her own actions
sorry for the rambling, am crying as I write and just typing what comes into my head.
wont sleep tonight with the worry - bout 3rd night in a row, just want my life back, free from the constant thoughts about gambling, its just the road seems so long and I don't know if I can do it
jenna
Hi Jenna, I just want to say - I know the feelings you are going through, the emotions, the heartache, the crying, I know because I have done exactly the same as you - we say we don't know why we gamble - but we know its the thrill of winning, or chasing our losses which drags us back. I have lost all my savings to gambling, last week was the final straw for me, I have tried to stop many times as you, but the fact you are typing here on this site means you are desperate. I guess from your thread maybe you are young enough to start again, (No Gambling) but you have to have the willpower, do I?, I think I have but have I? Keep posting on here, keep reading on here, it helps the bad feelings go away for a while. You need to change your lifestyle, Good luck
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