New to this but finally wanting to face it

Hi EJ1000, well done for making the first steps and reaching out. Can you tell us about how you gamble and if you have put any blockers in place like registering with Gamstop. People will want to help and tell you how they are coping with this. 

Keep posting

Thank you @bladesman it’s online slots that are my biggest issue. I can go all day without doing anything but when I sit down of an evening and have my phone in hand I will go for it. 

I have self excluded from so many sites but I alway manage to find a way to find another site. Recently it’s not like I have even won anything but I just pile money into these sites nothing I’m not really going to win.

I am really interested to understand how others cope and get in control of their life and feelings  

Hi EJ, my downfall was online slots and I gambled secretly for 5 years losing so much money. I only stopped when my wife found out which was both the worst and best day in my life for a long time. Straight away I registered with Gamstop and put Betblocker on my phone, both for the 5 year max. My wife took full control of our finances, cancelling my cards and changing all online passwords. We also contacted our bank to get them to put a block on gambling transactions. All these actions meant I no longer have any access to money and cannot get on any gambling site. My wife has been amazing, she is mortified at what I have done but we are working through things and I am now 5 months gamble free.

Have you thought about contacting Gamcare, they are amazing and really helped us by arranging counselling for me which has been great being able to talk out the hows and whys with no judgement. They even organised some counselling for my wife as a partner of a gambler.

We all start out gambling as a bit of fun but end up in so deep we are chasing the losses hoping for the magic jackpot win to put things right when we know it will never happen. One of the main things is being able to come to terms with the losses, we cannot reclaim the past but can definitely change the future by putting as many safeguards in place for when temptation arises. Believe me, and I know it's hard right now, but it will get better and a day will turn into a week and so on if you are determined to beat this.

I posted a while ago to someone who was 14 days GF who said it was insignificant and told them no matter how many success stories you read on here everybody starts at day 1 so each day is a signifant step on the road to gamble free. This is an addiction and will be there forever but each day pushes it further into the past and you will start to get your life back on track. The main thing is to keep your guard up and not become complacent.

Hope this helps and if you need any support let me know

All the best

@bladesman thank you so much for the message. I currently haven’t told my husband and I am really scared to say anything but I know I have to. I have thought about how I sit down and tell him. 

I will defo sort gamstop as I think this will help. The biggest issue I have is the shame I currently feel. I’m a wife, mother, daughter, sister and auntie that everyone thinks has her self together. 

I currently have loans of £40k plus that I am managing that keep me awake at night. I work really hard and just can’t understand how I have let myself get into this mess. 

I know this is the start of me wanting to change and every day that comes is a day closer to getting control back  

thank you for your kind words of support these have really made a difference today .

Hi EJ, you're not alone feeling shame it's something I think most people on here feel. Like you, to everyone I know I'm the sensible guy who is good with money, little do they know, but looking back I really wish I had the courage to tell my wife before she found out so I would recommend sitting down with your husband and coming clean. Easy for me to say I know, but I think she would have been able to process it easier if I had been honest with her.

Regarding your loans it may be worth looking at Stepchange, they are a debt charity and I have set up a debt management plan with them to pay an affordable amount each month to all my credit cards which has taken a lot of stress off my debts.

The only people who know about my addiction are my wife, 2 grown up kids and their partners and they have all been so supportive to me so you may be surprised at their reaction if you tell them as no doubt they love you and want you to stop gambling as much as you and get your life back.

There are many ways people on here deal with their own circumstances and reading other peoples stories may give you some ideas to help along the way. I have a diary thread which you are welcome to read if you like as it shows the ups and downs of the last 5 months, it's not plain sailing but can be done preferably with the help of those closest to you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do but think positive, today is day 2, nearly day 3 so keep going and keep posting

All the best ?

Cheers Bladesman you have given me a lot to think about and some great advice. 

Feeling positive today that I can do this just need to focus on all the things I need to sort out. 

Would be interested in your diary thread is there somewhere I locate that on the site, sorry being new to the site so just finding my way around. 

Thanks again for the advice. 
 

Hi, hope day 3 is going well. I'm so glad to hear you are feeling positive and that my replies have given you ideas on how to move forward. You can search for my diary by putting Bladesman in the search forum box which should bring up all posts I have made. Look for a heading "So far so good" this is my diary and if you click on this it will bring up my first post and everything since then.

Onwards and upwards!

Day 6 and really positive this forum has definitely helped and the realisation that it’s not just me that have the feelings I have. Thank you to all those who have posted and allowed me to read and give me hope and guidance. 

I wish I had done this long ago but hindsight is a great thing I would have never done all I would have done if that was the case. 

I feel this is the week of realisation of all I have allowed myself to do but also that I’m not a bad person and this is an addiction. 

I know there are many hard days ahead but looking at posts like this give me hope.