Hi all,
So i've always loved the thrill of gambling, but got into horse racing approx 3 years ago and things have been getting progressively worse ever since. I love the sport, have gotten really into it, even times ive taken a break from the gambling i'm always keen to follow the sport. Anyway i racked up debt of around £15,000, and had to swallow my pride and ask my dad for help. This is the worst thing that he could have done. I paid off £13,000 with his help before continuing the gambling.
A bit about me for everyone to understand things.
I'm 31 turning 32 soon, i am a sales director and im earning quite a high salary, about 3 times the average in London to give you an idea. I live at home still, so im not paying any rent, i dont have any responsibilities really which basically gives me a lot of money to waste. My life however has been getting slowly more depressing and boring, i've virtually stopped going out if i can get away with it, i'm completely not bothered about girlfriends anymore and the only thing continously on my mind is getting 'rich' quick and living that flashy kind of poker player/harry findlay lifestyle. I battled for a while with the notion that i had any kind of problem, but i accepted it when i asked my dad for help. I've won a lot but lost a lot and have realised i dont gamble for the money, i gamble for the excitement, that excitement slowly took over other forms of natural excitement i.e meeting a girl, going out with friends etc. There have been countless dark moments when i sit and think what the hell have i become, then there are other moments when i think 'this is who you are, a risk taker, a gambler, embrace it and ride the wave'. Fact is i'm back in around £13,000 in debt again. Imagine that. I borrowed money from my own dad to pay my debts off, and now im back to square one. The only thing saving me is my salary right now and the idea of getting fired or something is the scariest thing ever. Noone knows about my gambling however im sure my family have suspicions.
I know what i am, i'm a complete and utter weakling mentally, and i'm an embarassment of a man, i'm actually stunned i managed to get a decent job with this brain that seems so pathetic when it comes to addiction. The most worrying thing is that i still dont feel an urge to stop, i still feel that 'this is who you are, other people are too P***y to take risks' instead of feeling that there is something seriously wrong. I dont even know if i want to stop or whether its my mind tricking me, i'm a mess at the moment but the only thing im sure of is when i have money in my account, starting a day of racing with no other distractions i'm 'happy'. Is that happiness fake? Probably. But at the moment nothing else comes close to that thrill, what to do i dont know. How do i just stop? what else can fill my day? What did i used to do? i dont even know anymore and its only been 3 years since i started.
I'm sorry if this post has been messy but ive basically typed as thoughts have come to my head trying my best to explain my state of mind. I'd appreciate any responses or if anyone can relate to anything ive said.
Best,
libertine
Hey welcome to the forum.
How about putting some blocks in place? prevention better than cure at the inital stages.
Sammy x
Welcome to the site . I’m afraid how your feeling about yourself is a very common result of gambling . Like you , I have a decent salary in line probably with what you are earning BUT it doesn’t matter . Whatever you earn if it’s £100 a week or £5000 a week , at the end of it you have lost everything and more so it makes us the same . What a good salary gives you is a false reality thinking that because you have a good career you are somehow better than other people and you can earn the money to pay any debts . Wrong . You need to start being humble about your salary and realise that you need help just like anyone else . Yes if you stop you can get yourself out of a hole very quickly . Your powers of recovery are going to be quicker but you can get yourself in a much deeper hole if you continue to borrow on the strength of your salary . So make this the start of stopping . There is some great advice on here and it certainly helped me . I’ve learnt very quickly that my life is so much better without the gambling and myself and my family are reaping the benefits . It can be done if you want to do it
Bryan wrote:
Welcome to the site . I’m afraid how your feeling about yourself is a very common result of gambling . Like you , I have a decent salary in line probably with what you are earning BUT it doesn’t matter . Whatever you earn if it’s £100 a week or £5000 a week , at the end of it you have lost everything and more so it makes us the same . What a good salary gives you is a false reality thinking that because you have a good career you are somehow better than other people and you can earn the money to pay any debts . Wrong . You need to start being humble about your salary and realise that you need help just like anyone else . Yes if you stop you can get yourself out of a hole very quickly . Your powers of recovery are going to be quicker but you can get yourself in a much deeper hole if you continue to borrow on the strength of your salary . So make this the start of stopping . There is some great advice on here and it certainly helped me . I’ve learnt very quickly that my life is so much better without the gambling and myself and my family are reaping the benefits . It can be done if you want to do it
Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post Brian, its appreciated and youre almost definitely right. I always thought i was smarter than the normal punter, i actually felt sick at the people i pass by sitting in betting shops etc but the truth is im probably worse. I feel good about this wesbite already and i do feel positive in reading about others who have overcome their problems. I am going to try and get through the month of May without placing a bet, lets see how that goes. Cheers
I don’t know what it is but I would say bravado plays a part , we probably think that a good salary makes us unbeatable. Truth is it makes us more vulnerable because we have our blinkers on . You can do this you just need to put blocks in place , self exclude , confide in people around you and take each day as it comes . Don’t look too far ahead but also don’t look too far behind . What’s gone is gone , you won’t win it back . But don’t forget what you are and what you are capable of doing to yourself . It doesn’t define our future but it defines our present
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