Not sure what to do.

Hi Jenny,

My name is alex and i'm a compulsive gambler. My last bet was over four months ago. I have just read your story, and I know exactly how you feel. Well done for over 3 weeks with no gamble! My advice is to be honest to him, and talk to step change a obout yours debts? I have heard they are good. Also, have you been to any GA meetings? They have really helped me.

Good luck with all.

Alex

Thank you for your reply. And well done on 4 months gamble free. Inside I am screaming to tell him but so scared of the consequences. I know I need to but it's so difficult. He told his family and friends the last time it happened and I just feel so ashamed and judged. And can't bear to go through it all again but know that I need to. I haven't been to any meetings as my local one is quite a long drive away and I'm not sure if it's for me. The biggest help has been gamstop and just wished I had of known about it sooner. The first few days were hard but I have accepted I cannot gamble any more and the urge to gamble has also gone with it slowly. It's just trying to build up your life again after hitting rock bottom.

Hi jenny, (again)

Thats a shame your local is far away, its really helps to meet people who have gone through the same as you. I know the dread, and shame. I have felt it, its terrible. You dont even need to him tell face to face, you could write a text, or a note and leave it somwhere he will see. I gambled away my entire inheritence I got from my nan last year, (over the course of the year) then I dragged myself to GA meeting when I had hit rock bottom. I told my parents recently, It hurt for them to know but now I feel good that truth is out, and i'm moving on with life.

And so will you, it just takes time. I hope i'm making you feel more positive about it all, dont get down!

Cheers

Alex

Hi Alex,
I appreciate you replying and it is making me a bit more positive than I was at the beginning of the night. Really pleased that you are feeling good and moving on. Its awful to think of the money wasted on gambling and how much time and happiness it took away from me. I have been thinking about writing a letter or text but glad to hear someone else thinks that is a good idea as well. I did feel better the first 2 times that I confessed to him and it did feel such a relief when it was all out in the open. I hate the secrecy. I know I need to tell him one way or another and I will just have to accept what happens because of my stupid actions.
Thank you Alex

Hi Jenny,

You are very welcome, I know losing all the money gambling feels horrible, it has taken me a long time to get over and really move on from the loss of my inheritence. I gave myself chances, and I was selfish and stupid. I'm sure your partner will understand, and you will move on. Just reading storys on this forum has helped me alot, so just keep on here!

I'm sure we both will look back in a few years, and be very proud of ourselves. (and your partner will be of you!)

I wish you all the best,

Alex

Hi Jenny,

Well done for using GAMSTOP and for opening up about your problems. Confiding in those close to you is a personal thing and I'm sure you will do so at the right time. In the meantime, speak to those who support with debt management to see how they may be able to help you.

I wish you every success.

Simon

Thank you for the kind comments. Things didn't quite go to plan. Alot of hurt and anger (understandably) I just don't think it's something we can work through. He made alot of conditions and said that he still doesn't feel like he can be with me as he doesn't want to be with someone with debt hanging over me for the next 5 years. He has gone round to tell his mum that I've stupidly got myself into this position again. His mum hates me. I don't care about him telling anyone else but with her knowing and judging me constantly for the next 5 years, will just make my recovery a thousand times harder. And I'm thinking I need to do what will help me and make me happy? So I'm currently on the way to our mortgage provider to try and transfer our property into his name. And he can have that as some sort of compensation for what I've put him through and then he won't have any ties to me and I won't be dragging him down with my debt and credit rating. This feels like such a dark, horrible moment. But I'm a great believer that everything happens for a reason.

Hi Jenny,

Sorry to hear things didn’t go great in telling your partner, the same thing happened to me over 3 years ago, I had messed up a few times promised I would change and meant every word at the time but its slowly creeped back in until back in September 2015 I was caught out for the last time and collected my black bin bags and moved out. I’ve never got back with the ex, that’s not saying you can’t resolve this just make sure you have told him everything nothing worse than something comi9ng back to bite you, its early days and he is rightly upset that you have done this again things may settle down but if they don’t use this as an excuse to go back gambling. It took me to loss more than money as in my partner, son and home to realise I had to stop once and for all.

Gam stop is a great tool so I’m pleased you have that in place, like Alex I’m a big advocate of GA it saved my life, I know you say it’s a long drive but you wouldn’t of thought twice about wasting hours on a slot it could be the difference in you building your life back up again, it would definitely be worth speak with Gamcare to see if you can get some counselling which might help you make sense of the reasons why you gamble.

It’s easy to stop gambling the hard part is staying stopped, put as many blocks in place as you can, be honest and transparent with those people around you get as much support as you can, you need to let go of the lose they are gone and aren’t coming back, if you are in financial difficulty speak with Step change that of free advice and will help with your creditors and make suggestions about a plan which you don’t have to accept but it’s all valuable information. Finally I would suggest you keep posting and reading diary’s on very lots great information out there from people who have walked in your shoes.

KTF

The red most from your husband's side will clear and the cloud from your life lift. I would think twice of signing over house as personally I think you are signing over control. You without gambling will regain control and once again gain financial security. Don't make short term decisions or at least wait until your nerves settle x

Hi Jenny I support everyone in rash decisions, don't do it. I'm the wife of a compulsive gambler. The best thing I did was find a gamanon meeting. I had people to talk to, I took onboard their advice. The initial anger is shock and disbelief. The rest is not understanding. Once we understand we can take control. You are just as worthy as the next person, everyone makes mistakes, most people live in debt, but gambling has that shame, misunderstanding. Get to that meeting, honestly it will help. There are underlying reasons why you are seeking solace gambling.