Good evening everyone.Â
This is not easy to post as I feel devastated and sick , but I need to stop for good as this is killing me .Â
I had a gambling problem for years but I was good for the last few years until last November, I have admitted to my fiancee that I lost another 2k but since then, I have gambled more and she will read this post when I can prove to myself that I can be a strong person and not gamble anymore !
I love my fiancee so much , she is so lovely and caring person, I can't live without her , but I can't lie to her , I just can't live like this .Â
Gambling ruins my day , my life. If I gamble in the morning, I don't care about anything else , I just wait for a game to start and then watch the live scores . I'm constantly on my phone , I can't focus at work , I don't spend quality time with my family and my fiancee, how sick this is? Madness.Â
I won't buy anything nice to myself, clothes, watch , holidays because I have lost money and I don't want to spend more , it is not normal.Â
Now today I woke up and I decided to stop 🛑 for good , not taking a break for a month, just stop for good .Â
We will be going on holiday on 15th March and then I will let my fiancee to read this , it won't be easy for her and for me but if I can be strong and not gamble until then , that will be a huge step forward.Â
I will obviously update you guys on my progress.Â
I'm a disgusting person, I'm very selfish and I'm losing a time of my life! The time I could spend with my lovely fiancee and my family. Instead I'm on my phone all the time and only thinking about the next game I can put money on , this is sick !Â
Sit down and think how the gambling is effecting your live . Sleepless nights, being tired at work , not being productive at work , not spending quality time with your partner or kids , thinking about next football bet or next roulette spin .Â
This is all wrong !Â
If you lost 3k , 10k ,50k .... Don't chase it ! You will lose only more . It is still time to recover, no matter what. Forgot about your loses, the money is gone , yes it is very difficult to forget because you want this money back , but you can't do this . It is gone , we have to forget about it . It is time to live normal life.
My fiancee ask me for a while now , why are you tired why you did not sleep last night......well we all know the answer why .
This will be a huge test for me but I can do it ! We all can .
Thank you and have a good night my friends.Â
This will be a long night for me and hopefully a new start from tomorrow .Â
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I sincerely wish you all the best my friend. I can certainly resonate alot with your post!
The guilt and shame of hiding my activity from my fiancée are my biggest regret/issue after my recent stint. I thought I would be able to only do it on occasion and be capable of not letting it get out of contol (which I promised when she found I had been gambling again), but I was very foolish to think so.
I have suffered with a gambling addiction before in the past and so should have remembered how it can take control and be so insidious, despite your intentions.
It really is a horrible and all consuming addiction that thrives in secrecy and I don't think there is any explaining this to someone who hasn't ever gambled or knows what it is like to be like us.
I can only promise myself to do better by her and stay clean in the future as I don't want her to find out and be disappointed in me and I daren't tell her.
I only gambled my own money so am paying the price by scrimping by and spending the bare minimum on myself until I'm in a good position again. The hiding really makes me feel so disgusting though, I don't know how I even let it get so bad. Gambling calls for and thrives in secrecy.
Anyway I've lost ÂŁ2,190.00 since I started in October. It's been my very expensive reminder of why not to gamble and losing ÂŁ1,190.00 of this in less than a month (putting me at the max of my overdraft) was the wake up call I needed.Â
Please make sure you put all available blocks in place if you think you may crack at any point. It can only go in your favour when you tell your fiancée and make recovery easier.
You can get free GamBan membership that Gamcare pay for through partnership that means you can't access the foreign sites GamStop doesn't cover.
I look forward to seeing updates on your success and believe me when I say I am routing for you.Â
Take care and good luck 👍
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