Hi all, this is my first post since joining. Don't really know what to expect but am in a position where any help, boost or advice will be so gratefully received.
Im 29 years old and have earned slightly above average money since I was 19 working shifts.
Gambling has always been in my life from a young age - grand national, weekly accumulator etc neither of which I believe contributed to where I am today.
Approximately 5 years ago my stakes started to get higher for no real reason. I had no stress, no bereavement, no pressures. I found myself using the online casino when I should be sleeping, should be on a break at work....this spiralled in to spending more and more "free" time gambling, and initially winning. I lost all of my money and made the classic mistake of getting a loan "just to see me through". What happened next is the regular theme...gamble, loan, gamble, loan...
I reached a point where I was suicidal and found myself questioning my existence. At rock bottom I made a last minute call to my parents (whilst missing). They were told everything from this point on. I was supported financially and emotionally. I had counselling and felt that I had been given the appropriate tools and skills to stay on the straight and narrow. Have a second chance at life.
My relationship with my parents and partner have been superb ever since. I am doing well in work and had begun planning the next phase of my life.
Then, in September - over a year since my counselling had finished I found myself depositing a small stake in an online casino. Again, with no real reason. This turned in to winnings, and more winnings - but obviously it wouldn't stay that way. The losses soon appeared and I was back in the old routine of getting to pay day and depositing again. My December pay packet came and went and I found myself in the all to familiar position of applying for a loan...which was also lost. Now previously I would've applied for another loan, but on this occasion I have told my parents everything again. They feel broken.
I had done so well. I was doing great. Why? Why now? For what reason?
I have let myself down so bad and distraught at the fact I have hurt those I love so much. Because of what? Gambling? I earn enough to provide for what I need so why?
I am now writing a diary after reading some reviews on here and am waiting for my counselling confirmation. My finances have vokuntairliy been taken out of my control. I am willing to do whatever it takes, thank you for reading my story.
Hi Jordie,
Well done for getting yourself on here and posting. I am also a relapser who shares a similarity in the sense there was no real reason for me to start again.
Good job and salary means a comfortable life (or so should be)
I had new found extra disposable after a pay rise and just thought sod it, chuck £50 in and I’ll stop if I lose...I won and won and won...then we all knows what happened.
Fast forward just under a year and I stopped again, in a chunk of debt (manageable) which means I don’t have the extra disposable I should be.
I wish you luck with the journey and make sure you keep posting and checking in with the 2018 group. The more accountability we have the better!
Cheers
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I'm finding the positive vibes really helpful, I wish I had found this forum when previously lapsing but I can't change the past! I fully intend on staying active on the forums and believe this really can help me. Good luck to you too my friend.
Hi jordiefc you are not alone and I'm sure there are many still reading and never posting a confession. Online is only going to get bigger and end up with many ruined lives. I'm wife of cg. This is my advice to help you and your parents. You all need to learn how to live with this. If you feel you are gambling for no apparent reason you must find something to fill that void. You and your parents need to learn that bailing you out is not helping and just sets you free. They need as much support as you. I would suggest GA and Gamanon. This cycle could continue for many years until someone stops repeating the same behaviour. In this case giving you money/helping pay your debt. It sounds harsh but this is a tough addiction to control. There's no fix, just living for today.
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