Potential problem

Hello,

I joined GamCare today because I think I am in danger of developing a problem. I've played poker for a while, mostly online at very small stakes. I've managed to convince myself I'm good enough to make money at poker in the long run because I have good math intelligence, I'm (usually) very logical, I've read a book on poker, and I watch lots of youtube videos by poker pros. In short I have an inflated ego and I think I'm way smarter than I probably am.

I've always told myself that I would never play a game like roulette or blackjack because I know, mathematically, I'm just throwing money away. But the last couple of days I've played online roulette and lost around £100. I think it started because the other night, after a late study session at the library, I went to a casino and sat down at a poker table. When I was walking to the casino I told myself I would buy in for £150, then after I sat down I found myself handing over £200. I lost it all in about 10 hands then walked away. The next evening I started playing online at 10c/20c stakes but then for some reason I opened up a roulette game and started playing. I think it's because I was down around $20 on the online poker and some part of my brain said I could just win it all back so easily. I also have a first deposit bonus reward that is almost unlocked so I thought roulette would be a quick way to unlock it.

Every time I spin the wheel I think "this is so stupid what am I doing. Why did I just double my bet? Why am I wasting my money. I can't believe I'm doing this to myself". But I keep finding ways to convince myself it's not as bad as I think and I spin the wheel again. Just now, my 8*8 account was down to the last $49 (it was at $250 not too long ago). I just said to myself, f**k it, I'll just put it all on black. If I win I'm back to where I was a few spins ago. If I lose at least I'll unlock the bonus reward. I actually think I just wanted it to be over so I could stop feeling like c**P. (also I was wrong about the reward, each dollar bet on casino games only contributes $0.1 to unlocking the reward so I'm still a ways off of it).

Anyway, I know I have an addictive personality (I've been addicted to video games my whole life) and this new behaviour is a big shift from something I can maybe justify to myself (poker), to something that feels very wrong and makes me nervous. The worst part is the seconds right after clicking the spin button and watching the ball spin. After the spin lands on a loss I don't actually that bad, it's just the anticipation and guilt that feels awful. Winning doesn't even feel that good. The money aside, I'm concerned for my mental health. It definitely affects my mood and motivation.

I know this is small compared to what some people have gone through. I have savings and this amount of money doesn't put me in danger. But I'm aware that this could be the start of a slippery slope and in a few years (or maybe months) I could look back at this point and wish I had stopped there. Like I say, I have savings (around £10k) but I am a student and I need at least that much to pay rent until the end of my course.

I wanted to ask if this feels familiar to anyone. Does this sound like anyone's personal experience of how it started for them?

Thanks for your time, and sorry again for getting so worked up about a small amount when other people have had it so much worse.