Quit gambling,life worse than ever

A sober reminder to those of us who think that we have it licked. Incidentally, I am pretty sure that you can enter into an IVA even if you have equity in your house. They are unsecured loans and you are allowed to own a home and still negotiate a settlement. It is certainly something I did myself about 10 years ago.

You know the drill, dust yourself down and get up fighting. Surely giving up gambling is more about the inner calm and fortitude that helps you cope better with whatever life throws at you. Of course life without gambling can still be pretty awful, that's just called life, but even in good times, gambling can drag you into despair.

You have been an inspiration to many on this forum in the past and will be again.

All the best

Ken

Hi Ken,many thanks for the reply it was nice to read,i wasn't really looking or expecting any replys,especially a quality one like yours,your right life is definitely better without gambling that I cannot deny.

I actually feel a little guilty making the original post as i do believe it looks like 'self-pity' on my part and also offers nothing to others which of course would never be my intention,i think im just trying to say/warn?? others that yes,STOP THE GAMBLING!!! by any means possible and yes enjoy and hold onto the euphoria of achieving that but don't expect life to be all sweetness and light because my experience hasn't been that.

Im sure (and would agree with most on here) that my life would have been 100 times worse had i carried on but i haven't actually seen any others (in GA mainly) that have carried on the downward spiral after quitting like me and without wanting to give the impression that im acting like a spoilt child it feels unfair.

I absolutely cannot blame gambling for my downturn in work its just the way the economy has gone and im sure many others find themselves in similar positions to me,many indeed who have never gambled but i think where it hurts me more than those is i feel it more,maybe take it more personally because i did all the right things,i put a massive effort in especially at GA where i chaired many meetings,i was regarded (i think?) as a real stalwart in helping others to understand the addiction.

Although us CG,s act very stupid when 'in action' i,ve found over the years that many of us are very intelligent and astute in other parts of life,lets face it we have to be to get money to gamble,cover up lies,keep a happy face when you,ve just 'done your brains in'.When you start using all those skills in the proper way by first of all not gambling the world can/should be our oyster,oh and of course lies/deceit don't need to carry on with family/friends etc but you get my point (i hope).

So where does all this 'thinking' leave me,well i cant gamble because i have no money,i know the value of money now after nearly 8 years,lesson learned.I don't actually want to gamble,i know all the possible outcomes,a win is just borrowed money, a loss results in chasing etc etc so no point getting involved,lesson learned,life doesn't actually owe me anything,i have to work to get what i desire,hmmm tough one,understand the concept,lesson learned??? not sure if it even is a lesson.

I might look into the IVA route Ken and thanks for the heads up,if i cant continue balance transferring my cards then IVA might be my only option,on a more positive note,wife and children are well which im a great believer in that's worth more than any amount of money,me im not so sure i feel a bit mixed up,a bit let down by recovery,let down by the promises of good friends at GA (not that i blame any of them) and a bit lost as to where i should be aiming in life.

I,ll get there (where ever there is) i,m sure but im not 100% sure and that bothers me more than im able to let on but thanks for the reply Ken and i hope your ok and where you want to be,i hope others don't read into my posts too negatively,i guess giving up gambling is a bit like learning to drive,nervy at first,then confident enough to pass your test and feeling good about yourself,then after driving for a number of years you realise its good to have done it but its nothing special.(is that a daft analogy??? maybe who knows)

Regards,

Game over (Formally ** A NEW LIFE** on here)

Hi Screwed, a very valid and excellent point, and thank you for your kind comments, genuinely appreciated.

My first year of stopping was the worst (non-gambling related) year of my life in terms of loss and personal tragedy; it was one thing after another - I honestly thought I was being "tested", giving me the worst possible experiences to push me towards gambling again.

But I came through it, and it made me much stronger as a person, which helped me continue my recovery. Life has a funny way of turning on it's head at the drop of a hat, bad and good; you need to be ready for that my friend, you need to be at your best when the good times roll round, as they invaribaly do.

I have seen a lot of people here in long-term recovery who are lost, lonely and intimidated by a gamble-free existence, I know I was. It left a lot of holes that I needed to fill, so I pushed myself, sometimes forced myself, to experience new things and occupy my time constructively. Now I do charity work, hiking, write, sing and so much more; most of these things give me natural highs that can last for days.

Leaving gambling aside, what I would say to anyone in that situation is, if you haven't found happiness and fulfillment, then work towards finding it; write down a list of ten things you have never done and work your way through them. I recommended that to a young lady on here many moons ago who tried it and took up competitive swimming; she had always wanted to try but had a fear of deep water - she not only overcame it but took it up as a serious hobby - it changed her life and the last I heard was that she was five years gamble-free.

Thank you for posting this Screwed - it is something very valid and needed to be said; I couldn't agree with you more.

JamesP

Hi James,many thanks for your reply and let me just point out 'I get you' I know exactly what your saying and how you say it is great,i have enjoyed reading your posts many times,you are me and I am you (I think).

I feel a little embarrassed about my user name,ive messed about with it a few times,my real user name is ** A NEW LIFE ** and if you've got the time inclination I would genuinely love you to search my posts and give me your opinion but please forgive my last few months entries,looking back they were me lashing out at the good people at GC and don't reflect who I really am,i asked for all my posts(and theres many) to be deleted and acted wrongly when this request wasn't actioned,for that im very embarrassed but hey ho nobody I know has ever got recovery 100% correct.

I think my next plan of action is to get involved with some charity work and get fitter in the new year,im not a big believer in new years resolutions but making and carrying out some productive ones can do no harm.

Once again thanks for your input and if you do get the chance please do search out my posts,think the names ive used are orinal one ** A NEW LIFE **,THE END,GAME OVER & SCREWED but I think?? when I alter my profile all the posts can be searched under my latest name GAME OVER,i think?? (not great at PC,s etc)

It pleases me reading of where you find yourself,long may it continue and all the best to you.

Regards,

** A NEW LIFE **

Hi I agree what your saying just cause you stop gambling it doesn't change your life. The issues you have are still there as they were before, its just one less problem and you get to hang on to your money. One thing no one says on here is if you were successful you wouldn't have stopped gambling. I stopped playing roulette because I lost if I had won I would have kept on going also I enjoyed it at the time. Life is one big risk the rest of my money is in high risk shares if they come good I win all my losses back if they go bust ive lost the lot, that's the risk im prepared to take. I wouldn't advise anybody to do what im doing but im prepared to risk all that's the kind of person I am a risk taker. Gamblers are a certain type of person some will never gamble and stay safe all their life. Thousands of ppl are playing the stock market every day and don't consider themselves gamblers. If it goes wrong for me ive only myself to blame I was prepared to take the risk.

Hey A New Life,

I've just read back through your excellent thread from 08 that seemed to ruffle a lot of feathers with people who felt GA was the only way forward - like as you said, Born Again Christians, fevered and defensive, and anyone who disagreed with them was infidels. lol. Fascinating thread and I'd recommend it to anyone.

I'm not trying to reignite that thread, but I see a common thread woven through your posts. Whatever works for you, works. There are as many personal approaches to solving problem gambling as there are problem gamblers.

For me personally I can bet on anything - a few pounds here and there (and I literally mean two or three pound on the football on the Saturday) and never have a problem, but Roulette is my monkey on my back, and even a scratchcard I bought the other day after a few bottles of wine very nearly led me to try my luck on the table. Luckily I fought the urge, which to be honest didn't last long, but it made me realise once again that I just can't play Roulette.

Some people can 'get over' their addiction once they realise the deep-rooted reasons of why they gamble - what hole it is filling in their life, or what diversionary function to avoid painful 'real' life it serves. In the same way as therapy and CBT once the cause has been sorted then they actually find they can gamble safely again.

Others just cannot gamble ever again because it's like *** to their brain.

I respect whatever camp anyone is in. For some, total abstinence is the only way, for others just avoiding the triggers or particular game, etc.

I would be wary of anyone who professes to 'know' the solution - it either comes from denial, arrogance, or dogma.

Do what you feel right for YOU, and you alone, don't be a sheep, but don't ignore good advice when it comes either. Either way, best of luck to you.

Sincerely,

Molehole x

You're very welcome A New Life, no problem at all, happt to help if I can.

This Forum deals with deeply senstive and affecting issues my friend; this understandably leads to confrontation at times - it is going to happen; try and bear in mind that the people here are very vulnerable if you feel like posting something that you might regret later on.

Molehole has given you some excellent and very through advice. I particulary like his point on being wary of "knowing" the solution - no-one has it, we are all working with theory and experience. I never profess to have the answers, I can only go on what I have seen and experienced myself and hope to point people in the right direction - there are no real experts my friend, as Molehole says, do what is right for you.

I will certainly look back on your other posts my friend. Thank you again for coming back to me.

JamesP

Hey JamesP, is there any way I can send you a quick private message on this forum? There's a question I want to ask you that I'm not comfortable sharing to the world.

thanks. mx

Hi Molehole, there is no facility on here, but you can drop me an e-mail to [email protected], that is no problem at all, hope I can help.

JamesP

Thanks JamesP, emailing you now.

Best,

Molehole x

Well I feel good today (well reasonable) as I mentioned on previous post im playing the credit card shuffle with some big balances (35k in total) and instead of waiting for a 0% offer to drop through the letterbox (as they USED to often do) I rang up one of the companys to see if they had any current deals,hey presto they did 15 months 0% with only a 1% fee (result!!)

So I,ve banged 9k over to them and am also able to shuffle the rest across the other cards,this means in effect I,ve got NO INTEREST to pay all this year and that should?? mean I can chip away at the balances nicely.

I,ve never been a real negative person,well gambling certainly affected my mental state but what I mean is I,ve always been a doer,a get stuck in guy,yes my work is still practically zero but im actively searching for something else (tall order at my age but gotta do it) the gambling side of my life is well behind me now after 8 years,i have slipped a few times but nothing compared to the horror days of pre 2006 and nothing for a good many months recently.

I,m hoping 2014 gives me a new outlook,i read all the newcomers posts and I salute you all for being here,do stop gambling,do repair all the financial damage (if you can of course) do repair and reboot your brains to become a non gambler,DONT make a meal of it all,DONT dwell on the past,i made a post here a few years back called FOCUS WITHOUT FOCUS and it basically explained my concept of stopping gambling,getting into recovery and finally moving on,life is for living and each day should be gratefully received.

Am I preaching here (again,lol) I have in the past and I don't mean to patronize but I do still believe giving up gambling is the easiest part of the journey,altering our lives to accept we cannot and should not gamble takes a little more effort,well after 8 years I,ve learned a lot about me,masses about addiction and the biggest one of all just because I,ve made mistakes that doesn't make me a mistake.

Regards,

*A NEW LIFE *