Recovering from a suicide attempt

Hi @kari,

Such an insightful and heartfelt introductory post! Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm sure it will resonate with many of the other forum members. 

I think you're absolutely right, the secretive nature of gambling definitely increases the harms. It's good to read that you're in the process of opening up to certain people about what's been happening for you. It sounds like you're taking some powerful first steps. 

If you would like to talk about your situation with gambling with our advisers, they are available 24 hours a day on the Helpline (0808 8020 133) and Netline (our webchat service) to listen non-judgmentally and offer support and advice. They can talk you through tools and strategies to help you stop gambling, and options for free treatment so that you have ongoing support.

From your post, it seems that you're already seeking support around your suicide attempt. Here are some organisations that specialise in this area, that you or anyone else reading this and also affected by thoughts of ending their life may wish to access:

In an emergency - if you have taken steps to end your life or feel that you will and are unsafe, please attend A&E at a hospital or dial 999

Maytree – respite house for people when they’re feeling suicidal, the house is not open currently due to Covid-19, but they are providing phone and email support
www.maytree.org.uk   020 7263 7070
8am to 8pm

Samaritans (for anytime you need to talk about anything)
www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan    116 123  
24 hours a day, every day      

 Papyrus (support for people up to age 35)
www.papyrus-uk.org        0800 068 41 41
Mon-Fri 9am to 10pm
Weekends and Bank Holidays 2pm to 10pm

CALM – The Campaign Against Living Miserably, movement against male suicide.
www.thecalmzone.net 0800 58 58 58
Helpline 5pm to midnight, daily (also have a webchat through the site during these hours)

SANEline mental health charity
www.sane.org.uk 0300 304 7000       
4.30pm to 10.30pm, daily

Keep reaching out. You're not alone.

All the best,

Elizabeth
Forum Admin

If you want to get in touch with someone who has been through something similar then do get in touch. 

In the meantime try do the right thing at the right time

Thanks guys.  I had in fact called the Samaritans, but unfortunately the call didn't go well.  I blurted out my story, and I got the sense that a) it was more than the person listening could deal with, and b) he just wanted to finish the call ASAP.  He just conveyed this sense of "wow, I feel really bad for you. Sorry I can't give you advice. Good luck and promise you'll call us tonight if you need to."

It was like....oh, okay.  There was a sense that he was following some sort of script which involved an assumption that I'd be okay until night time.  It was the first time I'd disclosed my entire story to anybody, and to get this sense that it was just too much for him to cope with was frightening.  Especially when this is a helpline for the suicidal. 

I feel bad posting that, because I know many many people have been helped by the Samaritans and I don't want to dissuade others from calling them.   Maybe part of the problem is that I did just blurt the whole thing out.  Perhaps the Samaritans are trained to help draw people's stories out, and I deprived the guy of his opportunity to do that or something.  I don't know.  But everybody else I've spoken to has been amazing.

The other thing I'd say about the Samaritans call is that I had a gut instinct that the call wasn't going to go well as soon as the responder spoke.  With hindsight, I should have just hung up - tried again and waited until I got a responder I had a better feeling about.  

So while I'd still want to recommend the Samaritans to anybody feeling suicidal, based on my own experience in future I think I'm going to temper that advice with "if you don't feel a connection with the person answering, or you get a sense of them feeling tired or bored, hang up and try again until you get a voice you feel you can connect with."

Hi Karl I'm humbled by you sharing this with us, I hope that you are getting the help you need. There is a huge skill around helping people in a very distressed state as you obviously were and probably still are to some extent, I second what you say with the connection to someone who you are talking to. I've had counselling for various things over the years and like you said one guy I felt like I was boring him I got nothing out of the session and at that time my usual go to was bury my head in the sand and cancel the rest of the course. My addiction counsellor was totally different she was a very insightful warm lady who have something of herself personally she was older and had that life experience. She really got me through the initial stages of quitting gambling when I was in that v v dark place that I wish no one ever had to go to. I'm now attending GA and your post jumped out at me as we have a guy there last couple of weeks who I think had gambled on everything over the years but the most destructive and what had really crippled him was spread betting. I must admit as a 54year old retired nurse I didn't really understand what it was so I read a little so I didn't look clueless when he was speaking. When you feel up to it post again share a bit more with us , slowly start to turn that corner. I'm now nearly 5months gamble free and I've lost that distressed, gut wrenching feeling and it's been replaced by a quiet optimism and my guard is well and truly up against gambling

Hi Charlieboy

Thanks so much for your post.  It's Kari, btw (I'm female).  I totally agree that getting a counsellor you click with is really important.  I find it difficult to get into client/patient role...not necessarily because I don't want to be there, but because on account of the way I present and my professional background, professionals can often be a bit reluctant to accept that I genuinely do have a problem. 

I suspect that comes from fear on their part along the lines of "if this happened to her, it could happen to one of my friends/family members."  Perhaps it suits people better to see gambling addiction in terms of people going into the bookies' and spending the entire week's housekeeping on a 2/3 surefire winner which goes on to lose.  But the bottom line is we all suffer from the same addictions.  The problems that led us into it might differ quite dramatically from person to person....but once we're in the grip of it we're the same whether we're going into the bookies, or playing noisy slot machines in a casino...or spread betting in private and kidding ourselves that it's a risky form of investment that we're on the verge of mastering... rather than plain old gambling.  Although the terminology used in spread betting make it sound pretty complicated, in reality it's a frighteningly simple thing to participate in.

I'm so impressed by you being 5 months gambling free.  Well done on that.  For me, it'll be 5 days ending today.  I haven't actually done any spread betting for - probably a couple of months or so.  But I switched to playing the lottery out of desperation, because basically I'd been planning to take my own life for months, but I'd gone way down the rabbit hole of magical thinking along the lines of "maybe God or some Guardian Angel will get me out of this mess at the last minute with a lottery win."

I'd actually had what would likely have been a very successful suicide plan in place, which I have no intention of going into.  In the end, what happened was that I made a decision that I was going to come clean about it with everybody who needed to know (which would inevitably result in lots of people who didn't need to know and would no doubt have great fun gossiping about me also knowing).  Calling the Samaritans was, I suppose, a test run on making that disclosure.  After it went so badly, I lost my nerve and took an overdose of something that I thought would be lethal but which wasn't.

I am also female and as a trained nurse count myself as level headed !! Except gambling released the demon in me . I gambled for 20 + years in a mostly controlled way my first love was bingo I had 4 miscarriages before my wonderful son and going out with friends to bingo was fun gave me an escape from the misery I felt . Having my longed for son consumed my life and I still worked as a nurse so bingo was an occasional night out, and I never really viewed it as gambling . Fast forward to finding online gambling that was really my downfall, I had to finish nursing due to health issues and obviously my son went into his teenage years and although we are still v close but he needs me in a different way for lifts etc and obviously we spend less time doing things together throw into the mix a difficult marriage and I totally lost my way in life( I'm not blaming anyone ) and boy did the gambling become an addiction last 2years every day for hours and hours lying ,cheating, deleting emails, deleting computer history and on and on I developed into someone I loathed I wanted to stop I just couldn't and I wanted to tell my husband but I couldn't ' say it '. And then one day it came crashing around me when my husband found out, some compulsive gamblers tell little bit of truth some do the ' rip the plaster off ' I did the second one I spilled everything !! Now 5months on I can honestly say getting found out was the best thing that could of happened....stopped me in my tracks secondly I found this site which has afforded me so much help, advice,friendship. The only people who understand compulsive gamblers are other compulsive gamblers ! Use what you find on here to start your recovery as the weeks go on the shame you feel the self loathing the self hate that leads to feeling the world would be better off without you will start to fade. I'm much happier in my own skin now ,I can live with the pathway I'm going down. I hope that you continue posting on here, sharing because it really does help, I made this site my go to if I was struggling and now I do both this site and  GA keeps me grounded and that outlet for dark thoughts that have become less and less and more easily shrugged off. I sincerely hope that you can find inner piece and ultimately reclaim your life

Thank you Charlieboy.  A couple of people have said to me that I just need to move on and not get embroiled in posting on a site devoted to this, but when I picture my future it involves (once I get better) helping people in the situation I'm in right now - as you are doing.   Not just trying to pretend to myself that it never happened.  

@Kari, o*g, my heart goes out to you and although I'm the victim of a gambling husband it doesn't change the fact that I feel the pain you are going through as I was at that same point a couple of months ago. Don't listen to the people telling you not to waste your time on a forum like this. I'm also a very new member but having people to talk to who know exactly how you feel because they've felt it too is helping me immensely and I'm so so glad I've found it. Every person who has spoken to me has been open and honest and in my life I don't have any people like that who i can talk to so I'm finding it a massive help. Just reading through other people's posts let's you know you're not alone in any of this. You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders and although you're at rock bottom now at least you have realised how big the problem is and you've started to address it. Remember, from rock bottom the only way is up and like the others have said keep posting when you feel up to it and know there will always be somebody here to help you. Get yourself better and take care x

Thank you so much, Trace...and my heart goes out to you, having a partner in the grip of this has to be a horribly frightening place to be.  This is an addiction that hurts a lot of people very badly, and while I can understand people saying "just leave the whole thing behind and forget it" that's maybe partly why this form of addiction remains such a secret thing.  The more it's pulled out of the shadows, the more chance there is that people falling into its grip will be able to speak up before they're down a really dark path.

Hi Kari, everyone.  It's incredibly moving to read your stories, and motivating to hear Charlieboy making such good progress.  I am gamble free since March 🙂  Partially I can thank covid for that as my only gambling was roulette in a specific casino in London that closed for months ... since then I didn't go back.  I didn't realise I had a problem until my wife totalled up all my cash withdrawals over a few years ... it was staggering thinking what i could have spent the money on.  

Interestingly gambling probably wasn't the main problem, I was a heavy drinker and late at night when the hotel bar was closed in the hotel I was staying in in London, at least once a week I would go to a casino for a drink and the tables.  Of course I thought I had everything under control.  But I didn't ... its only after I got involved with another woman (another heavy drinker) and my wife found out and gave me an ultimatum, did I finally stop drinking and start to address my problems.  

3 months sober now, I can see much more clearly than I did even a month or 2 ago.  I've got a much stronger bond with my kids now - when I'm there I'm really there and not distracted by texts and booze - I'm talking honestly to my wife for the first time in years, I'm getting less into debt and I've lost a few kilos as well!  So bit by bit Kari if you can identify the problems (may be more than 1) and work at them, you will beat this!  Support is invaluable.  My wife despite the pain has been amazing, so I am so so relieved I came clean.  Stopping lying just feels great!  And I have a therapist who is helping me understand myself better, why I couldn't be honest for so long.  I'm a professional too - a good performer at work, incredibly sociable, confident by all appearances, it really can happen to anyone.  But we can crack it and you know what, I'm now at the stage where I'm excited rediscovering all the things I've neglected for the past few years.  Wow!

So do keep in touch, be honest with yourself and others, reach out whenever you need to, and I look forward to your update. 

Take care!

Thanks Paul.  It's really inspiring to read other people's stories and to see them managing to stay on track in the recovery process.  This problem has left me with some serious difficulties to face. It's going to be a big struggle.  

Kari - yes I fully understand.  I guess you will be looking at the causes of the problem also (as I said, in my case it was excessive drinking, others have different stories but often I'm struck by a lot of common themes that run through all of ours).  Personally I find joining the group chats a couple of times a week really useful - they're daily at 1pm and 8pm I think - you can talk about pretty much anything there (gambling related or otherwise), or simply observe.  It just feels an amazing supportive, diverse and friendly group when you get into it.

Have a good day and take care!

Thanks Paul.  I think tonight is going to be a quiet night of tidying up and watching Netflix, but I'll definitely take a look at the group chat next week 🙂