Slipped up after 2 years

Hi all,

I used to gamble alot, got my self in debt and cause so much pain to ones I love.

For almost 2 years i didn't do a single bet, but Thursday past i did my first and only one during Cheltenham horse racing. 

I wasnt having any urges or want to gamble in the build up to doing this bet.  I was with a few friends walking through the town and one just wanted to pop in to do a quick bet.  I've never told them I have this betting problem and that is my mistake. I should off waited outside made up any story, but I shouldn't of went in.  Once I was in the shop, I forgot about everything I went through and all the pain I caused in the past.  It was like everything happen in a flash.

Once I did the bet, the sickness of guilt came over me, I knew I messed up. I wished I didn't do it. I didn't know how I was gonna tell my wife. 

I don't know why, i kept the docket in my pocket and didn't looked at the results. I wanted to show my wife what I have done and come clean with it. But as the day went on the harder it was to speak about how I slipped and messed everything up.

The next day she found the betting docket and it was a nightmare. I do feel I'm gonna lose her this time and that's the last thing I want. But the worst thing is there is a very very small part of me is glad all this is out in the open and I don't have to hind how I messed up. I know this is so selfish of me but I don't want to lie to her and I don't want to gamble anymore.  I'm so much happy when I don't gamble. 

I don't want to gamble, I don't want to lie to the people I love, I just want a happy normal life and away from betting. 

Sorry for my ramblings but I needed to write it down, read over it and hopefully never gamble again.