So angry with myself.

Like many other intros I've read on here, the lure of a bookies caught me at age 17 after a youth spent either waiting outside a betting shop for my dad, or watching him scan the racing pages on the paper every morning. 

From 17/18 I was a regular in betting shops, my local was a small shop and at first I genuinely enjoyed the mix of regulars in there and soon knew everyone by name, as did the shop staff. 

Love horses and football, but it's my absolute addiction with gambling in general which has been breaking me mentally and literally (as in broke!) for way too long now. I'm absolutely obsessed with half time result betting and the quick 45 minute turnaround + amount of matches throughout a day, mean I can sometimes blow £500 in nonstop £20/£30 deposits in a day. This month alone I've won about x, but in the process of chasing lost that all + 1500 on top. I literally hate myself. 

If my girlfriend knew I was gambling again I'd be out the door, so I am just writing this as a memo of the day I stopped gambling. I can't do it anymore. I've probably spent about 75% of my work hours in the past week gambling and i can't keep ruining my life anymore. I earn well and usually work hard, but have nothing to show for it. Not a single penny in savings.

I am going to beat this. Thank you for reading.