Hi everyone,
I have had a gambling problem for about 16 months now. I’m going to share the whole story because I need to get it off my chest.
It started because I got married to my amazing wife but struggled to have the money to pay for it. Initially I took credit cards to pay for things, but then struggled to pay them off and tried to use gambling to make extra money. Obviously this didn’t work so I took out another very large loan to cover the costs of this. But I had already had the seed planted and Cheltenham festival started on the same week. With a large loan I was able to put large stakes down and this really started my free fall.
It got to the point where I was taking payday loans and gambling with them only to lose the money within hours and then do it again. I was getting so stressed I got shingles, and at one point a week before I was supposed to best man at my friends wedding I decided I couldn’t live anymore and I was going to kill myself. I was a wreck, and obviously my wife was very concerned and upset. We talked and I told her I was in debt and struggling to cope with our financial situation (she is a student so it is a bit tight for money at times, but we do ok). I didn’t mention the gambling. I tried to stop but couldn’t and another month later a bailiff came to the door while she was home and I came fully clean about the gambling and debts and everything. It was the hardest conversation I’ve had and I honestly have no idea how she is still coping with me. I tried to quit but found another website I could gamble with when I was given a 3000 from a previous payday loan. I tried not to gamble with it but it was gone very soon after receiving it. At this point I put in blocks but still struggled. In this year I was able to really ease off gambling and I felt better until we were quarantined in April when I relapsed. I told my wife and again she was upset but we got through it and she was at least thankful that I was honest this time. I really did stop gambling for a time, but have since found myself slipping into old habits.
After a loss today, I’ve decided I need to stop putting it off and wasting my chances with my amazing family. Today is the last day I will gamble, I have an amazing wife who also seems to be my guardian angel and an awesome step daughter. I will get through this, but I’m terrified of relapsing again. Thank you for reading my story, I am so ashamed of what I’ve done but hopefully I can put it past me now
Yes, you have lost a lot of money that could have been spent on better things, but the biggest loss of being a compulsive gambler is loss of life and time I think.
To be honest I'm not really the right person to be able to help with tips etc on how to stop... as my journey into stopping has only just begun too.Â
I can help with payday loans though... tell them all you have lost your job and you can only afford £25 a month. Ask them to stop interest. They will never take you to court to claim back money. Just repay over many years or at least while you start saving up money as you stop gambling.
I would say though that after one or two years of me being a compulsive gambler, I also seeked help like you are doing, but it still went on for 9 years.Â
Please do not waste more of your life mate.Â
Hello @osen,
Further to what George299 has suggested for dealing with pay day loans, there are debt advice charities that you can contact for support with making your debts more manageable. It's always worth getting in touch with them first to see what is on offer and get some professional advice around your specific situation:
National Debtline – 0808 808 4000  www.nationaldebtline.org
StepChange – 0800 138 1111  www.stepchange.org
Additionally, GamCare Advisers are always available to talk through concerns that you have around anything related to your gambling and offer support and advice. We run a 24 hour service, so you can contact us anytime on the Helpline (0808 8020 133) or Netline (our webchat).
All the best,
Elizabeth
Forum Admin
You will get lots of practical advice from people far better placed than me as to things you can do to reduce the risk of relapsing.
All I can add is that I felt very much like you not too long ago. I also made the decision to quit gambling and that was now 79 days ago. It is not easy and nor should it be. You are attempting to end an extremely strong yet dangerous addiction. It won't be enough just to say you are going to stop. You will get illogical urges to start again. It's important to do two things. One is to use time you may have normally spent gambling for constructive other things. For me, I have walked all around my area over the past few months and discovered countryside and parks I never knew existed, what is more I have lost over a stone in weight. The other thing you must do when you feel an urge approaching is to try and understand what is happening in your brain. Dopamine is being chemically created to try to reward you for having some bets and getting a high off of those bets. Try to sit back for 10 minutes and understand what is happening (which is completely to be expected) but then think about your loved ones, and think how you will feel an hour later if you succumb and have added even more to your outstanding debt.
It's not easy and I'm not here to scare you but you need to know it's going to take commitment and determination and work. That said, 79 days in, I have seen my bank account grow, I can sleep soundly at night again, I don't get irritable anymore, and the longer the gap between your last gamble - the easier it gets!
Very best of luck. You can do this.Â
Just want to add that you should get in touch with Stepchange for your loans. They have really helped me get my credit card debt sorted into a manageable monthly payment and all creditors should stop charging interest if they are dealing with it for you. I put a post on a couple of weeks ago about my Stepchange experience so might be worth looking at.Â
good luck
Hi Osen just having a look through some diaries and came across yours, agree with the comments above that this isn't about losing money its the time it takes from us and the mental torture we put ourselves through. I had 2 great years gamble free and managed to get all my debts clear. I actually was honest with all the company's and explained I had a gambling problem and that I had borrowed to fund the habit. Every company i dealt with where very understanding. I did this by email to safe any embarrassment over the phone.
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I wish you well
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JamieÂ
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