I've bet since I was 18 and hid it largely from the people closest to me. At first I was doing well and to those around me only seemed to win. The hidden truth and what we all come to realise is that were only winning for a short period of time. The initial win isn't enough and soon enough the desperation appears when the realisation hits that I haven't taken out what I have put in. £20 turns into £100, £100 turns into £1000 and it goes on.Â
I gambled my way the entire way through university, despite having a job I was often the one who wouldn't be able to go out and do things as I was worrying about money. Hiding this from friends and family would be easy and the lies became second nature. My father passed away 2 years ago and the gambling increased. I never wanted to use it as an excuse but being someone who isn't great with emotions often led to wanting to go and gamble to get away from the harsh realities.
The worst part of my gambling problem is my addictive personality. My mind seems to get me back to gambling as I tell myself why not win £20 and pay for petrol or a meal or something for the house. I kid myself each time which leads into one of these gambling stints.Â
The worst part of my gambling story so far is that I have lied to family members and have put huge pressure, stress and heartbreak on my partner of 7 years. She has done nothing wrong in the past 7 years and deserves so much better. When my partner found out after dating for a few years we nearly broke up but as she was living with me and my parents she had nowhere to go. She felt trapped but luckily enough we managed to make it work. I have since had a recurring problem every 6-12 months.
Recently, I went months and months without gambling (must have been around a year) while saving for a house, having a target helped my addictive personality, focus on something and aim towards. 4 weeks ago I returned to gambling. Spending £20 which led to chasing my losses immediately. In desperation I chased my losses and lost £1500. Knowing that my partner would find out I panicked and went to my mum who (without sharing blame) enabled my addiction by giving me the money back. I went and did the same thing as she transferred the money for a second time over two transactions.Â
My partner then found betting slips which broke her. Our wedding which is next April is now on the line and relationship overall on the rocks. I never ever wanted to hurt her and would never do anything intentionally but my problem just ruined me. I take full responsibility for my actions and I know I screwed up. I want to do everything I can to prove to her that I can beat this and get through it for the sake of us and our future.
I lie because I'm afraid and I don't want to be afraid anymore. I am now 6 days without gambling and want this to continue. My next goal is to prove myself to my family, friends and my partner who is my rock and feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just know that if I cant do this now I will lose her and I cant let that happen. If I cant do this then I know she deserves to leave me. I will beat this!
Dear @matthew181094 ,Â
Thank you posting and sharing your story on the Forum.Â
I have no doubt you will receive messages of support and empathy from other users who have experienced similar issues related to gambling.Â
I am so sorry to read that you have been going through such a tough time and that your relationship has suffered as a result of your relapse. Please know that relapses can be fairly common and try not to give yourself a hard time over it.Â
You have proved that you can successfully stop gambling previously and you can again by getting help and support from us.Â
Please contact one of our team of non judgmental advisers to talk about how you're feeling and maybe get a referral for some free one to one treatment. You can either call us free on 0808 802 0133 or come through on the live chat with an adviser, there is never any rush for the call and we would like the opportunity to offer you some advice, information and support.Â
We also offer support to those affected by a loved one's gambling so please make your partner aware she is welcome to get in touch too.Â
Kind regards
Keely.
Forum Admin.Â
That’s a sad post but nothing unusual for those of us who find ourselves here for a whole variety of reasons. I really hope you can beat the struggles you are currently enduring. Sometimes we give ourselves the best possible chance by no longer running from the truth. Your truth is very scared but you know you need to face it... it is your partner or gambling, you can’t have both. You know in your mind that you want to put your partner before gambling. Now comes the hardest bit, you need to prove what is in your mind through your actions. Never have a bet ever again. If you feel the urge, take 5 minutes and consider what is on the line and whether you are prepared to lose it all for a moment of madness.
practically I would consider putting as many blocks in place as possible if you don’t trust yourself and if you need to talk through your feelings at any stage then speak to Gamcare or put your feelings down here.
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