Phew!! I was mesmerised by your words! and at how easily this addiction can take over someone's life time and time again. I am not a cg I am the mum of one though so I can see the effects this addiction has from both sides. I sincerely hope you find a way forward. I wish you well - wcid
My goodness what a post. Many things stood out for me here, starting with making Inspector in 7 years...Wow! That's a far cry from 12 hour shifts on a dock so I have to ask...Do you really need to punish yourself this way? You clearly are a very intelligent man, if a little arrogant (as am I) but now that you have manned up & slammed the doors tight, can you not seek a better paid job? Gambling is not about the money, after all these years of losing to only withdraw once, you know you have only ever wanted it as gambling tokens & now you have accepted that gambling can no longer be part of your life, there's no need to be afraid of earning again!
I understand your reluctance to show her your post but please let her know that Gamcare is here for her too as well as Gamanon meetings, if she needs a bit of support! I think you know what is round the corner so it seems a bit dumb to give you advice but you did ask so until you can sort out psychological help, ensure you keep your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle broken @ all times! It may sound daft when the reality of this is 'we bought it all on ourselves' but try & be kind to you too...It's battle enough fighting addiction without feelings of self loathing getting in the way!
Welcome to recovery SH, time to start fighting for that happiness - ODAAT
Well your definitely in the right place.
The gambling bubble someone could be running around naked in front of you and we wouldn't see it. We just get in the zone blinkered to everything around us. We sometimes stop for a minute and pause but the gambling mist descends the inevitable consequence don't make a difference.
They say you have to hit rock bottom that's not the case for everyone some people see the light sooner but it felt like it was for me if it wasn't my rock bottom I don't want to find out what is. I hope this is your rock bottom in the kindest possible way hopefully your epiphany the turning point.
You have to put blocks in place you've made a good start the biggest one telling your fiancГ© I hope she will support you. It sounds like you have been honest with her no point keeping anything back or you'll be back here when she eventually finds out.
You have closed your accounts but new sites appear all the time so put blocking software in place I use K9 it blocks access to gambling sites.
If you can find someone to look after you finances to keep an eye on what's happening on a regular basis it's a hard step but might earn you some trust with your fiancГ©.
You said you attended one GA meeting you might now be ready to accept the help that GA can offer, if nothing else it takes up some time when you could be gambling.
Speak with game care about counselling if that is something that might interest you
You should start a diary I think it would benifit you so much it would be a shame to leave this thread as its full of honesty I don't know if admin can move it to the diary section might be worth an email to them if bit copy and paste your posts. finally read other diaries all written by people in the same position as you. Take things from those diaries that work for you there is no hard and fast rule how to beat this everyone's recovery is different.
I remember feeling how you do 115 days ago and by no means has it been easy but with help from here and GA and working as hard at stopping gambling as I did to get that next fix when I was gambling I am starting to see chinks if light the data are becoming brighter and the urges less
Thank you for sharing.
KTF
Thats a fine first post, seriously well done on your honesty & willingness to be vulnerable. Two qualities that will serve you well if you decide to commit to recovery. Keep sharing
Your story just show me how close i am to put myself in place u were .iam just wrealy hoping bat your story will keep me strong and away from playing ....i want be proud of myself .
I too am a gambler. Having read your opening post I was startled at the similarity to my own experiences. I am not proud of the depths I have sunk too to gamble or the hurt I have caused along the way. I am fighting every second of every day not to gamble. I no longer carry any money,have no bank cards and no access to online credit. I don't have a crystal ball to predict the future but hope you can regain the trust of your partner and take one day at a time.
All the best in your endeavour to stop gambling.
How did it go bud?
Any update stolen? Let us know how you are getting on if you log in mate. Not posted since your first day and it's worrying to think you might have slipped back. Be strong pal.
How are you doing bud? Be good to hear from you
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