Hi,im new to this joined today,spent hours reading all your forum posts,i know im not alone with this horrible addiction ,so id like to share my story.(and hope i dont ramble on too much ).
im 46 and and i say ive been gambling for around 12 yrs but infact it started even when i was young ,my parents divorced dads idea of family day out was the pub.where hed often sit by the bar left me playing atari space invader machines,and also sitting watching people play slot machines encouraging me "go on you have a press".
Years later dad ran his own pub,again rather than give me his attnetion it was a few quid here n there play fruit machines (even though u had to be over 18 ).
At the age of 22 me and my dad fell out ,i moved on with my life met my partner had 2 lovely children.never once gambled.(dad remained absent from my life).we never had any spare money even if i wanted to gamble.
10 yrs later we split i met someone else everything was perfect,never had so much fun in all my life holidays nice cars etc etc.
we both had great jobs earning amazing amounts of money.
Just this one day i said lets go blackpool ,,off we went wondered through the arcades seeing people play machines i thought why not just a few quid.It was literally a few quid i lost 7 quid infact,but now i had the bug ,,i want that excitement again,so week later back to blackpool only to lose 500 quid more.
Thats whe the chasing started,to cut a really long story short i ended up 92 k in debt,every penny for the last 12 yrs ive had has gone and debt has accumulated (all for a loss of 507 quid).
ive turned into a liar ,a thief,i manipulate people into lending me money ive almost lost my home,and self respect.
my marriage is now in shatters ,not sure at this point i even care,im so looking for blame,i actually called my husband a control freak and said he is abusive.not sure if thats true or the fact hes just had enough of trying to help.he tells me he resents me and i feel that too.i did try GA for several months but felt it was more men than women i felt uneasy with that,(maybe another excuse).people say you have to want to stop ? why do i want to stop something that takes me away from this nasty world.i now have severe depression now intrest in life ..payday soon im so scared im going to blow every penny and be even more down because im skint.
i have now entered into a debt plan which has helped so if i dont gamble 2 yrs i could have my life back.
Im sorry if in my post i sound selfish or shallow ,,its prb because i am .(oh i missed the self centered bit ).
Any ideas on where to start please.
many thanks for reading this post x
Hi
Michelle
I suppose the question why would i give up something that i believe makes my life seem tolerable is at the heart of recovery. Only when i realised that i did have other choices rather than the one i always used did i begin to not have to use addiction to solve that which pained me.
I found that the only solution that works for me is directly tackling those things that i avoided by gambling to forget. My solutions to what may be bothering me dont have to be perfect they just have to be better than the ones i used to use
[email protected] thanks for ur comment,i hear what ur saying ,reading back to my post im thinking why ? but i wanted to be open and honest in how i felt.i know theres other solutions and i will find them soon...i hope ,thanks again
Its a tough difficult journey facing the hurts you have felt without gambling by your side. Just start somewhere,anywhere it doesnt really matter beginning the process is all that does. Practical things you can do to start include blocking software to all your devices (k9 is free) self exclusion from sites & high st bookies, allow someone to manage your money. These will hopefully give you some abstinence to gain a clearer mind to tackle the more emotional challenges that lie ahead
thanks again day@atime,,i did try some of those things,,like not having my cashcard,own bank account,so i coudnt log into any games online.but felt like a child asking for money and if i didnt get it id jus turn nasty,or lie to people just to lend me money.i havent gambled for 2 days which doesnt sound much,but thats clearly because i have no resources left.hubby has hid away for 2 days which makes it even harder ,so thanks fot allowing me to talk on this forum x
Change doesnt happen without changes to how you live your life being made. So what if it makes you feel like a child asking for money. You clearly cannot be trusted to handle it yourself. Surely you would be willing to try anything after where gambling has taken you.
I think when we come to stop we have to be totally honest; and not just with other people but more importantly with ourselves. Are we making excuses not to stop for example? I often read people say they can't stop because they are bored without gambling. Surely sitting in a chair doing nothing for an afternoon bored is better than a destructive active like gambling.
Stopping means realising you have made a mistake in your life and that the money is gone - permanently. A difficult but totally necessary thing to do. It also means you have admitted that you want to change and are prepared to do it.
Michelle, you say you can't stop because gambling gets you out the situation you are in. You must realise by now that gambling is the cause of your problems and not the answer to them.
i do realise that delorean yes,i have stopped in the past staying stopped is the problem.i know i make excuses what CG doesnt.i dont sit in a chair all day lol i do work long hours too.its finding other things to do other than gambling ..any ideas
michelle1968 wrote:
i do realise that delorean yes,i have stopped in the past staying stopped is the problem.i know i make excuses what CG doesnt.i dont sit in a chair all day lol i do work long hours too.its finding other things to do other than gambling ..any ideas
I suppose what I am driving at is that doing nothing and being bored is preferable to gambling.
Maybe you could try reading, music, walking, watching films...... the stuff we should be doing in our spare time. Unfortunately these won't replace the the instant thrill of gambling in the short term as I well know myself. After a while though the attachment to gambling gets looser and life gets easier. Think about what you will do when you get home from work, plan your spare time.
when was the last time you painted or did art?
buy some cheap paints and have some fun with oil or arcylics........home bargins do good price canvas and paints
morning delorean,least-we -forget.
Thank you both for ur support,yes ur right anything is better than gambling.filling the voids i heard it called.Its so hard getting motivated again after yrs stuck in front of slot machines.work and gambling have become my life (sad i know).its day 3 for me no gambling,and it feels worse than withdrawing from nicotein.im hoping to remain strong payday thurs,its like im not happy until im pennyless.very manic it seems.im having my car repaired today so hopefully if all goes to plan im going to visit some old friends and stay away from the bingo hall.might even buy myself a new pair of jeans.(something ive not done for a long time buy clothes).amazes me il moan like mad about price of stuff but dont think twice about spending hundreds on slots.i intend to keep a diary and plan each day productivley.
Today im feeling pretty angry for what i have put other thro.trying to stay positive after reading some of the support on the forum.Maybe its not too late for me .
Its never too late! I remember those days well Michelle of having holes in my shoes not going to the dentist lol i even used to cut my own hair to save a few ВЈВЈs but would think nothing of throwing thousands into a slot machine. Payday will be a big test for you so what have you done to protect yourself ?
morning day,i havent done anything as yet.going to have a chat with hubby later (if hel even speak to me) .i hate the thougt of not having my own money but i know what il do so not sure what to do day.yeah i can relate to that too day my hair is down my back now literally,cant remember last time i even went out socially maybe 2 yrs .shocking really im just 46 such a waste .how is ur recovery day ?
My recovery is all good thanks. No gambling to report. Im sure you have read all the advice about barriers on here. They are essential in the coming months, you will probably gamble without them. Willpower alone will not work for you Michelle. Set those barriers up today. It will make you feel better that you are doing something to tackle your problems.
good to hear urs is all good day .lots of amazing advise here so glad i joined.for me its the first step to aid my recovery,thnk next step is to chat to a counsellor.im working over the next week or so ,so not a great deal of spare time ,hopefully this will help with any urges.Is keeping busy an idea ?or is that just avoidance until the day u just give in.having money in my account will just eat away at me until its gone..seems im happier with nothing.so maybe il ask hubby to take it maybe pay some more off debts in just keep a bit for the month ,i dont know what to do .
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