Trying again

Hi Lg better to stop now before you lose anymore put all those blocks place . Write off your loses you will not get them back You cannot win because we are addicts . Gets some counselling on here start a diary and start being happy being gf you have take the first step to happiness . Ive now been gf for 46days early days but im happy and im living not isolating myself . You will gets lots of help and support here wish you all the best on your journey stay strong its always hard at first but gets easier . Bambi

Hi lg, I'm wife of cg so see things from the other side. If you try again on your own willpower you are just repeating a system that didn't work. Did your wife know about that gambling episode and debt? You've spent a longtime paying debts and then gone back to it, now in much deeper. Admitting a problem and seeking help is very difficult. You have taken that first step. My cg didn't want me to find out because he didn't want to stop. It's not just about money it's about not being part of a normal relationship. Keeping secrets is not healthy and that's what feeds addiction. You might be surprised by your wife's reaction. You might be right too. But lying to her and keeping her in the dark not only about the money, but also your behaviour isn't going to help you. Covering up lies, moving money so no one finds out, it's all exhausting and ultimately not admitting your addiction. It also stops you getting vital help and support which is what you need.

The swift feedback here has made me a bit emotional. I hope to be able to give something back to this forum in future years with some supportive words

Welcome to the forum . From what you are saying you could lose your wife anyway if you don’t tell her . No one wants to live with a compulsive gambler as we are not the same people that we were at the start. It’s a risk to tell her BUT you have to consider this as you can’t carry on in secret . The secret part is what your addiction will feed on and unfortunately this situation will deteriorate for you unless you do something . If you want to stop then admitting it to yourself and others around you is the first step . You may be surprised at the support you will get once everything is out in the open . You will be put through a soul searching and perhaps horrible time but what is the alternative for you ? Carry on and sink lower or look at this as day 1 and the only way to go is up .

I know it's very early days but I have to say what an overwhelming feeling of relief I feel at deciding to give up.

I went through the numbers again and I reckon I could pay off my debt in 2/3 years - that feels very manageable. I'm lucky enough to have a well paying job but the only reason I couldn't pay off my debts was because I was losing my wages. I got paid yesterday and, after I paid rent and paid off amounts on my cards that would be enough to clear me in a couple of years (or at least be at a much more manageable stage) there was all this money still in my account. It felt amazing knowing that that money was safe and not at risk of disappearing in a couple of hours.

It was the 'what ifs?' that kept me gambling - 'what if I repeat that time I made 100k USD in 2 days?'. That was possibly the worst thing that happened to me because, after I lost that 100k I was so used to betting 250 or more per hand that most of the debt I have today came from the couple of weeks after that.

Now there are no 'what ifs?' and actually the feeling of security that is giving me is amazing, rather than despairing.

I am aware that this is going to be hard - I've already reconsidered a few times - but I need to try to keep onto this feeling and I keep imagining myself in a few years time, no debt, actually saving money adn being worry free...

Glad that you are seeing the light a little bit . Ask yourself this question . What has gambling ever given you in your life ? I’m pretty sure the answers are mostly negative . You have just proven that you can never be a sensible gambler with the amounts of money you mentioned . The positive thing is that you are still in a position to salvage everything that is good in your life . Should you decide to carry on then the only guarantee I can give you is that your situation will deteriorate probably to the power of 3. As I said before , put those strong blocks in place so you have a bit of head space to not gamble . Then imagine a signpost . Take one route to self destruct . Take the other for a better life . You can’t get back what’s gone . Accept that and move forward . It’s that simple for you at this stage . You tried gambling “normally” but how far did that get you ? It’s natural to feel urges so don’t feel bad about it . You have crossed a line with yourself that led you to this site . There is a reason why and I think it’s because you want to stop but don’t quite to know how . Perhaps it’s a fear of losing gambling in your life because it’s been with you for so long . Well I’m afraid it’s a simple choice right now and that’s to choose gambling and risk everything that is dear to you or choose a better and more productive life . We only have one chance at this life so make that choice and move forward . Don’t just be another statistic . The casinos don’t have a conscience or care if you mess up your life . We do