trying not to give in

Thank you and good luck. Its been 3 or 4 days now since I initially found this forum and felt like my gambling was out of control and i needed to stop. For two days I could hardly sleep. I think some of it is to do with about ten years ago I got myself in about 10k worth of debt that took me years to sort out and was one of the lowest points of my life in terms of being harrassed by credit card companys and not being able to afford the basics etc.

I got through that but it took a few years and this recent blip has not put me in debt but I know if I continue it will.

I also feel so guilty. I spoke to my mum the other day. She has her health problems and her boyfriend (are 70+yr old men still boyfriends?) who has a terminal illness was really ill this week and in hospital. My mum was in tears because she lost a birthday gift her friend got her - a £20 lipstick. I was listening to this and thinking how the other night I was doing £16 spins on a stupid slot machine and it didnt seem like real money with real value that we all work hard for.

The initial self disgust of a few days ago has gone a little now which probably means I am at more risk now. For me gambling has often been a sort of procrastination thing - especially when working on computer. There are lots of things I am trying to do in my life but I guess sometimes I escape (hopefully past tense) the fear of failure at those things by gambling online.

Weirdly I have been part of a mindfulness group this last year and worked really hard on that. However the compulsion I feel when in the midst of gambling is hard to pull away from when Im in it even though I know I should just pull myself away for 10 mins to get out the zone I can't once ive started. Like you it doesnt matter if I win because I literally cannot move till I have given it all back and usually a bucketload on top.

I think this is the 1st day Ive actually been on a computer since Ive made the commitment to quit. Almost scared to be on comp but a friend wants some help on a project so I need to use comp.

Read some comments by JamesP on the forums (I think thats the username) and think the advise of trying to find positive interests to pursue is a good one I'm going to try and take on board. I think for me gambling is definitely part of a bigger issue of procrastination and other stuff.

The only real positive I can take from this recent experience is that I'm very fired up for work in the new year - and I havnt been in a long time.

Good luck with the counselling.

Also as Ive been off the computer for a few days I have watched a lot of tv and I am absolutely amazed at the amount of adverts for gambling companies.

I wish everyone on this forum strength to not give those companies any more money for nothing.

Hey thetimeisnow, thanks again for your words of encouragement. I hope you are managing to stay gamble free just thought I Would check in and see how you are doing?

Hi Zulu...managed two weeks gamble free. Using a tracker on phone just to cross of the days. Been a couple weak moments but I think losing a big amount pre Xmas has helped lock it in. Seeing all these things I want to buy but can't now is helping me recalibrate the value money! Also been quite a depressing Xmas but not terribly so. Plans to try and give myself mini missions/tasks to do in New year to keep me from the procrastination which I think might help if I stick to them. Gonna keep popping in here though as I know it's so easy to slip back. I know i lost biggish in a splurge but prior to that for last couple years I was probably gambling about a hundred a week and mentally calling it entertainment and not really counting the losses. Lame as it sounds been practising memory training stuff as just something to do when bored. Hope you staying away from gambling too...and the same goes to everyone else here. Stay strong.