I'm sure my losses and this story will seem pretty miniscule, standard and dull compared to what others here have suffered but I needed to get this off my chest somewhere. I didn't even realize until a second ago this was a site for the UK, which I am not, hope that's ok. Basically this week I repeated something I'd done 11 years ago, when I thought I'd learned my lesson. I realized then and now deep down that sports gambling & casino games are unwinnable over the long haul, but joined a betting site to bet on what seemed like a can't lose bet. Back then, Game 5 of the 2006 NBA Eastern Conference Finals, last Sunday the NFL Texans-Colts game. As a Texans fan, I knew they were hopeless without their injured star QB and there was no way they were winning at all, much less by the 6 points they were favored. I won each of these bets, and regretted I didn't spend more on them. Then I proceeded to bet small amounts on other games, which I would usually lose.
But I mostly lost by playing blackjack, which naturally I'd usually do fine on at first, winning 10, losing 20, winning 30, up and down. Until eventually I'd lose it all, deposit what I lost to try to make it back, and lose it all again. Such a bizarre feeling to lucidly tell my self to quit while I'm ahead already, to stop playing if I dropped below a certain amount, to quit if I lost twice in a row. And watch my fingers just keep clicking to play again and again until it was all gone. Both times I only lost about $500 US, I'm probably poor if I had to define myself, but I'll hardly miss it. This could be so much worse I know. And it's not like I haven't spent more than that on dumbass stuff I shouldn't have, but at least then I felt I got something out of those things. If I could have back the money I've spent on being catfished or being used, overpriced self-help S***e I've hardly taken to heart, and this gambling (and heck, I just thought of fantasy football/daily fantasy when I finished this post), I'd be living pretty. I guess my gambling is part of a larger pattern of throwing money at stuff thinking it'll improve my life instead of just putting in work. And being frustrated that a great life and loads of money isn't coming easy to me like it does to other people both fairly and unfairly. I've never thought of myself as having an addictive personality since I've stayed away from overdrinking and drugs, but I guess this is my addiction.
After trying to make one last deposit and being denied to the daily limit thankfully, I asked customer support to delete my account and they did so, but floating around with all the common sense I'm trying to instill in my head, I still have what I suppose are illusions of granduer, that next time I can find one more surefire bet to get those losses back and then quit. That by f*****g up at blackjack I never gave myself a chance to see if I could succeed at sports gambling. Why can't I be one of the select few that make a living at it, I'm smart and sports is one of my few passions? I have to be good at something right? With every new sports score I wonder why I didn't just bet all my money on that and win it back. I just can't push these thoughts out of my head. I have no idea how I avoided this for a decade with how this has consumed me in a matter of days. I'm sure what's brought on this self-destructive behavior on is the double whammy of stress of going through a breakup and that I'm moving across the country for my first ever promotion in a matter of weeks. And instead of being excited about that and planning, I'm spending my time falling apart over this s**t.
I know what I need to do, ignore sports until I no longer have any of these urges, pour myself into preparing for my move and my other interests, stop looking for quick fixes and just work hard at things. If I go back to this, next time it will be much more painful. If I don't good times are ahead, and that's all there is to it. The frustrating thing will be finding the balance between not desparing the lost money constantly, but not shrugging it off the to the point I consider it no big deal and am tempted to gamble again.
Anyway wow this was long, thanks for reading/skimming and best of luck to you all.
Hi mate,
Well done on posting here, its pretty clear you know you have a problem with this and it can get much worse very quickly. Most compulsive gamblers like myself have to hit rock bottom before we stop lying to ourselves and admit we have a problem and seek some help. By which time I had 3 grand worth of high interest loans to deal with and bills not being paid.
My turning point was going to my local GA meeting (there are meetign all around the world so you should be able to find one), here i listened and spoke to fellow compulsive gamblers and realised that while we were very different people I could relate to most of what they said when they spoke about their compulsion. I understood then there was no 'cure' so i could forget my silly money wasting on slots and roulette while still keep up with my sports betting which i loved. There was only stopping all forms of gambling and taking it one day at a time. I wasted so much time on money, I worked the past 20 years of my life and have nothing to show for it. Now after only 6 months of recovery I am in a far better place in every aspect of my life than I have ever been.
If you have any questions feel free to ask, I wish you the best in beating this compulsion.
Ditto what Joe90 said - well done posting, good to see you doing something abt it.
Click on my name and read my recovery post to see how much I’ve made NOT gambling - it’s ridiculous.
Best of luck mate.
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