Hello. I’ve been looking at some of the forum posts and now I feel less alone as the partner of a gambler. I am however not reassured that my situation can be resolved and it seems that if I choose to stay with my partner I will forever be unable to trust him. I knew he gambled when we met and he had almost £50k in debts. We both have good jobs and I provided emotional and a bit of financial support while he paid his debts off over the last 5 years. He has Recently told me he has continued to gamble throughout this time and is now at risk of putting himself back in debt. He has just started counselling but has said he doesn’t want to give up gambling but rather just control it. Is this possible? He can and does access payday loans so taking control of his finances wouldn’t really help. And I don’t want to be responsible for his finances. He Always pays half the bills and the house is solely mine so it doesn’t cause problems for me in that respect. But I feel we could both have and do more if he stopped.Â
im nearing retirement age and just see a future of disappointment if he’s always in debt. I won’t bail him out financially so he risks losing our relationship if he gets into serious debt again. I just feel very let down right now as if he hadn’t carried on gambling he would have paid his debts of quicker and we could have had a better lifestyle. I want to support him but I suspect it’s a pointless exercise.Â
Believe it or not some people do and can make consistent profits from gambling...and a large chunk of people do not make a profit from gambling but control what they spend and the enjoyment factor makes the loss bearable and the loss is not significant to that person's day to day life... HOWEVER... there are a minority of people, a significant minority, who cannot control their stakes, chase losses readily, and are permanently in debt and in some cases ruining all aspects of their lives and their loved ones lives by continuing to gamble.
I don't ever like to make too much comment on anyone else's situation as who am I to do so but from what you have written it seems unlikely that your partner has the ability to control his gambling in the way he is seeking. The most obvious example being the fact that he always seems to be in debt. If I were him I would seriously make an effort to remove myself from any temptation to gamble and solely concentrate on improving his personal finances. It is amazing how quickly you can start to see some positive results to abstention from gambling, for example seeing your bank balance a little bit healthier each month, or just having a little bit of extra cash to spend on items. But it takes commitment and hard work. This is an addiction for the significant minority and if it is left unchecked it is not possible to overcome.
I wish you the best of luck and I know it is so difficult for the partners of gamblers because you have to compete with conflicting emotions of love, anger, frustration, etc... I do hope your partner and you find a way through this difficult phase and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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it’s sounds like he does have a problem there’s no way he can enjoy it so much that he would rack up that much debt.. and as a recovering gambler am guessing u just know a fraction of the damage because we are great at hiding the actual real figureS involved.
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theres hope for everyone  but the first step is admitting he has a problem that the first milestone.
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goodluckÂ
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